Jan 14 2007, 11:22 am / Other
I can't sleep. Maybe it's the lack of alcohol. Maybe it's the lack of opiates. I don't know. If I don't drink enough to blackout stage, I wind up staying up all night. Alcohol wires me up; unless I drink enough to blackout - however, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and staying up for 2-3 hours.
It sucks. Staying up all the time. Last night I didn't get to bed until 3am; I was watching Stephen King's "The Stand" - great book, good movie. THEN, I was woken up at 7am. I just don't sleep anymore.
I just don't know what to do with myself. Last night I drank 3 glasses of white wine [yuck]. I didn't eat anything all day either - I've noticed the eating disorder is easier to deal with now that I'm living on my own and just don't buy food - instead I go on a "liquid diet" of vodka.
Sigh. My mother is taking me food shopping today. Great, another stressor; however, I guess it will be fun. I plan on attending a meeting or two later - I sure could use one.
Again, today is my new sobriety date and I don't plan on drinking. I need a bigger support network. I need a sponser.
I need something.
I've been drinking. I haven't been sleeping. I've been ODing.
A day in the life. . .