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VIEWING 1 - 9 OUT OF 9 TOTAL
Just writing.
DATE: Jul 14 2009, 6:54 pm / MOOD: Lonely
You are my spirit, my will to live, streaming through my veins consistently; mending to my blood, blending into me. Coinciding my mind, You are my heart, my passion for life, beating me to the fullest in ways I am no longer sure of. The supplement for my lacking, the knower of all I never tell, you are where my strength begins and where it ends.
You tell me you love me, and my mind becomes frozen in a tumultuous flux. Unable to move, unable to process even the tiniest of thoughts. My words come out slowly; falling off my chin, they seem so clumsy to me. But is that my fault? Or is it yours? My lips say I love you too- but my mind and body say so much more. I want to stay and become apart of you, a part of your smell. I want to melt into your skin and force myself through your veins, if only you'd let me in that far. I could live forever just me and you, the energy we give. |
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Five stages of grief?
DATE: Sep 21 2008, 9:45 pm / MOOD: Don't know
Denial
Inward anger
Outward anger.
Depression.
Acceptance.
I'm experiencing them all at the same exsact time. Is that possible?
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I am strong,
DATE: Sep 14 2008, 7:39 pm / MOOD: Lonely
I've been through some sh*t in the years. My childhood was f@cked, and my life is pretty much running down the tubes at the moment, or at least it feels like it now that Suzan (my sister) is gone. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate at school at all. My teachers give me these huge ass assignments and I just look at them like..."seriously? really?" I look back onto my life, and I have absolutely no idea how I've managed to push through most of the things that I have. Sitting there, I don't feel as if I've been through all that much, but truth is, when I look back on it all, I have. I really truely have. And I'm not here, trying to obtain pity from anyone. In fact, I don't know why I'm writing this at all....
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RIP SISTER
DATE: Sep 14 2008, 11:38 am / MOOD: Sad
Suzan Marie. For those of you who don't know me, my sister, Suzan, passed away on July the 20th as a cause of a sezuire in her sleep. Suzan was a victum of epilepsy and developed it when she was 17 years old. She passed away 10 years later at 27. I can't even begin to put it into words the way I feel on most days. "The days will always be brighter because she existed. The nights will always be darker because she's gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief or about time healing all wounds, the truth is there are certain sorrows that never fade away...until the heart stops beating & the last breath is taken." For showing me that life is so much more than many people see it as, and believe it to be. For teaching me that it's not about the length of life, but rather as how you live it and carry on. That it's not about the kind of cards you've been dealt-- but about accepting them, learning from them, reaching out to others, and making the most of them. I cherish the seventeen years of life I've got to spend with you. I believe it, truly, to be a gift from God. It's going to be hard. It's going to be really hard. But I'm going to face it, and fight through it. I might not always be standing, but I will get back up. And I will try. I will try over and over and over and again. I will try as many times as it takes me. Because I know that that is what you would have wanted...for all of us. Thank you for everything, really. I could not ask for a better sister, or a better role model than you. You are the hope in my heart and the faith in my bones, and I will never let that go. I love you, and I'll see you soon.
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Yet another survery....yep.
DATE: Jul 17 2007, 6:55 pm / MOOD: Don't know
--Info--
Name: Lauren Gabrielle.
Nicknames: Glen
Birthplace: Some hospital.
Current Location: My living room.
Hair Color: Blonde.
Eye Color: Greenishblue.
Height: 5 ft 6
Weight: Too much.
Tatoos?: None.
Piercings?: Ears.
Overused Phrase: "You think I'm kidding, but I'm notttt." --Your--
Bedtime: Whenever I get tired.
Best Physical Feature: Eyes.
Most Embarassing Moment: I'm not embarrassed easily.
Most Missed Memory: Childhood.
First Thought When You Wake Up: What time is it?
Weakness: Big brown eyes
Best Friends: Ryan Andrew.
Goal For The Year: Lose weight.
Greatest Fears: Clowns.
--This Or That--
Pepsi or Coke... COKE.
McDonalds or Burger King... Neither.
Hot Tea or Ice Tea... Ice.
Chocolate or Vanilla... Vanilla.
Water or Milk... Water.
Coffee or Hot Chocolate... Coffee. Hugs or Kisses... Hugs.
Cats or Dogs... Cars.
Summer or Winter... Summer.
Scary Movies or Romantic Comedies... RC's Love or Money... Love.
Green Grapes or Purple Grapes... Green.
--Lover--
Perferred Eye Color: Brown.
Perferred Hair Color: Black.
Short Hair or Long Hair... Short.
Perferred Height: Tall.
Perferred Weight: Meaty.
Looks or Personality... Personality.
Hot or Cute... Cute.
Skinny...Muscular...or Fat... Chubkins.
--Favs--
Number: Seven
Food: Italian.
Type of Music: Rock.
Candy: Fun-dip.
Color: Orange.
Animal: Cat.
Drink: Water.
Body Part on the Opposite Sex: back/arms
Movie: I don't know.
Past Time: Mmmm...
--Have You Ever--
Drank? Yep.
Smoked? Yep.
Been Beaten Up? No.
Bullied Someone? No.
Skinny Dipped? Yep.
Played Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven? Yep.
Toliet Papered Someones House? Yep.
Played Poker W/ Money? No.
Gone Swimming In A White T-Shirt? Yep.
Been Tickled So Bad That You Cried? Yep.
Been Tickled So Bad That You Couldnt Talk? Yep.
Like Someone And Not Tell Them How You Felt? Yep.
Went Camping? Yep.
Used The Restroom On A Tree? Yep.
Had A Crush On Your Brother/Sister's Friend? Yep.
Had A Crush On Your Friend's Brother/Sister? No.
Walked In The Rain W/out An Umbrella? Yep.
Danced In The Rain? Yep.
Told A Joke And Nobody Thought It was Funny? Yep.
Been On Stage? Yep.
Worn Clothes Your Mom Didnt Approve Of? Yep.
Been To A Nude Beach? No.
Cursed In Church? No.
Been Called A Whore/Slut For Kissing Someone? No.
Burnt Yourself? Yep.
Been Dumped? Kindof.
Dumped Someone? Yep. Been In Love? Yep.
Been Hit On Someone To Old? Yep.
Wanted To Be A Model? Yep.
Wanted To Be In The Olmpics? Yep.
Bought Lottery Tickets? Yep.
Made Out In A Car? Yep.
Cried During A Movie? Yep.
Wanted Something You Couldnt Have? Yep.
Made Love On The Beach? No.
Shoplifted? Yep.
Seen Someone Shoplift? Yep.
Hung Up On Someone? Yep.
Yelled At Your Pet? Yep.
Gotten Seasick? No.
Tried To Strip When Drunk? No.
Bought A Thong Cuz The Casier Was Hot? No.
Stalked Someone? No.
Had A Stalker? No.
Played A Prank On Someone And Scared Them? Yep.
Been Embarrassed By Someone In Your Family? Yep.
Felt Bad About Eating Meat? Yep.
Protested? No. Been To An Island? No.
Ate Cuz You Had Nothing Better To Do? Yep.
Screamed In A Library? Yep.
Made Out W/ A Stranger? No.
Made Out W/ Someone Who Wasnt Single? No.
Wished A Part Of You Was Different? Yep.
Talked To A Complete Stranger? Yep.
Been Sunburned So Bad You Blistered? No. Kicked A Guy In The Nuts? Yep.
Threw Up In School? Yep.
Recieved A Love Letter That Wasnt Signed? Yep.
Wore Something You Hated? Yep.
Wore Something To Match Someone? Yep.
Been To A Luau? No.
Cursed Infront Of Your Parents? Yep.
Been On TV? Yep.
Been Outta The Country? No.
Been Honked At While Walking Down The Sidewalk? Yep.
Won A Pool Game? Yep.
Went To A Party Where You Were The Only Sober One? Yep.
Went To School/ Work Drunk? No.
Dieted? Yep.
Had An Eating Disorder? Yep.
Cheated On Your Other? No.
Been Cheated On? No.
Been Paid To Date Someone?
Dated Someone That Was Paid or Dared To Date You? No.
Tanned Topless? Yep.
Been Strip Searched? No.
Been On A Plane? No.
Been On A Cruise? No.
Been Pantsed In Public? Yep.
Thrown Your Shoe At Someone? Yep.
Broke Someone's Heart? Yep.
Sung In The Shower? Yep.
Bought Something Way To Expensive? Yep.
Done Something Stupid And Laughed At Yourself? Yep.
Been Walked In On While You Were Dressing? Yep.
Been Walked In On While Showering? Yep.
Ran Out Of A Movie Theater Cuz You Got Scared? No.
Been Kicked Out Of A Mall/ Store? Yep.
Been Kicked Out Of A GoCart Place Cuz You Wrecked The Go Cart? No.
Been In Detention? Yep.
Feel Off A Roof? No.
Pretended You Were Scared So You Could Cuddle W/ Someone? Yep.
Been In A Wreck?
Wrecked So You Wouldnt Hit An Animal? No.
Made Yourself Puck So You Wouldnt Have To Go To School? Yep.
Threatened Someone W/ A Water Gun? Yep.
Been Shot? No.
Had A Water Gun War? Yep.
Been Arrested? No.
--Randoms--
Regret Something You Did In The Past? Yep.
Country You Wanna Visit: Canada.
Way You Wanna Die: Sleep.
Like Thunderstorms? No.
Get Along W/ Your Parents? Yeah.
R U A Health Freak? No.
U Think Ur Attractive? No.
Do You Believe In Yourself? Yes.
Wanna Get Married? Yes.
Wanna Go To College? Yes.
Shower Daily? Yeah.
Want Kids? Two.
When Do U Wanna Lose Your Virginity? ...
Do U Hate Anyone? No.
Can You Unwrap A Starburst W/ Your Tongue? Yes, actually.
Do You Think You Can Sing? No.
Can You Open You Eyes Underwater? Yeah, without contacts.
Eat Whatever And Not Worry? No.
Can You Whistle? Yeah.
Can You Walk In High Heels? Not well.
Do You Sleep W/ The Light On? No.
Do You Like Super Spicy Foods? No.
Can You Multitask? No.
Touch Your Nose W/ Your Tongue? No.
Can You Fit In Your Locker? Yeah.
Do You Spit? No.
Can You Taste The Difference Between Pepsi And Coke? Yes.
If You Could Wish 4 Anything...What Would You Wish? That I could be skinny and stay that way.
What Kind Of Perfume Or Colone Do You Wear? Spirit.
What Kind Of Soap Do You Use? Dove.
What's Your Favorite Scent? Plumeria.
Would You Choose To Live Forever If You Could? No.
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Survey. I will add later
DATE: Jul 04 2007, 2:45 pm / MOOD: Other
SURVERY NUMBER ONE: When was the last time you cried? Awhile ago, actually. Which is kind of surprising, because I usually cry about every other day. Have you ever faked sick? Haha. I used to all the time when I was a little kid. Especially on Fridays, because that was computer day, and I hated the teacher. What was your last lie? "I'm fine..." Have you ever cried during a movie? Are you kidding me? Hell yeah. Be honest. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off? Ryan Andrew. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yesh, and I love it. Have you ever been drunk? Once, and I hated it. Have you ever tried drugs? Pot- and I hated that, too. Do you smoke? No, I think that's really gross. xD What's the farthest you've gone on a dare? Taking the shirt off and running down the street. No guys were there, though. Just girls. What's your full name? Lauren Gabrielle Sondag What's your blood type? O. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, but it was small. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Hah- seven. Who was it? My best friend, Zach. Have you ever had an online relationship? Yeah, but I saw him sometimes. It lasted 2 1/2 years, too if that tells you anything. Have you ever been rejected by a crush? No. What's your favorite sport to play? I hate them all. I only watch them, sorry. xD Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? No,never. Favorite childhood memory? Butterfly kisses and tiger blood snow cones. Do you regret anything you've done? No. It got me where I am now.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I have no idea.
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Words (poem)
DATE: Jun 19 2007, 8:46 pm / MOOD: Bored
The ones that slip are shallow, They break like glass among my teeth. The shards, they fade to nothing but common talk as they draw farther and farther away from my lips. The ones I want- don’t make it. They cement themselves in time, Then roll back on their part. Roll back down Into the sea of the non existent words inside my throat. The ones that ache and leave a choke I cannot speak- The tides are high, and over-ride my voice They drown it out from sound. And isn’t it ironic? That they become so high, That the last resort they have is screaming through my eyes In a language that only you may understand.
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Poem- mostly to Ryan.
DATE: Jun 19 2007, 11:50 am / MOOD: Full of life
I came to you; my wounds still bleeding.
My scars intact; my mind in peices. but your eyes; they reflected, the world I wished to be in; speaking words I'd never heard before. and yet I never understood better. My head; it clashed. My veins; they broke. My senses failed, and I became numb. But your eyes; they showed me, all that I can be.
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Three things.
DATE: Jun 05 2007, 3:38 pm / MOOD: Bored
| Three Things | | Three things that scare me: | | 1: | Darkness | | 2: | Clowns | | 3: | Loud noises | | Three people who make me laugh: | | 1: | Ryan | | 2: | Ashley | | 3: | Ween | | Three Things I love: | | 1: | Water | | 2: | Computer | | 3: | Music | | Three Things I hate: | | 1: | Anxiety | | 2: | Drugs | | 3: | Ignorance | | Three things I don't understand: | | 1: | The world. | | 2: | The world. | | 3: | The world. | | Three things on my desk: | | 1: | Coloring book | | 2: | Crayons | | 3: | CDs | | Three things I'm doing right now: | | 1: | Typing | | 2: | Thinking | | 3: | Reading | | Three things I want to do before I die: | | 1: | Kiss in the rain - complete | | 2: | Fall in love - complete | | 3: | Hug a stranger - complete | | Three things I can do: | | 1: | Blow bubbles | | 2: | Crack my toes | | 3: | Make my shoulder blade poke out of my back. | | Three ways to describe my personality: | | 1: | Laid back | | 2: | Observant | | 3: | Understanding | | Three things I can't do: | | 1: | Kill things (including bugs, and plants) | | 2: | Watch TV for more than 2 hours. | | 3: | Sit still longer than 10 minutes. | Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
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