Anxiety

DATE: Sep 21 2008, 7:45 pm / MOOD: Don\'t know

Denial

Inward anger

Outward anger.

Depression.

Acceptance.

 

I'm experiencing them all at the same exsact time. Is that possible?

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DATE: Sep 14 2008, 5:39 pm / MOOD: Lonely

I've been through some sh*t in the years. My childhood was f@cked, and my life is pretty much running down the tubes at the moment, or at least it feels like it now that Suzan (my sister) is gone. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate at school at all. My teachers give me these huge ass assignments and I just look at them like..."seriously? really?" I look back onto my life, and I have absolutely no idea how I've managed to push through most of the things that I have. Sitting there, I don't feel as if I've been through all that much, but truth is, when I look back on it all, I have. I really truely have. And I'm not here, trying to obtain pity from anyone. In fact, I don't know why I'm writing this at all....

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DATE: Sep 14 2008, 9:38 am / MOOD: Sad

Suzan Marie.

For those of you who don't know me, my sister, Suzan, passed away on July the 20th as a cause of a sezuire in her sleep. Suzan was a victum of epilepsy and developed it when she was 17 years old. She passed away 10 years later at 27. I can't even begin to put it into words the way I feel on most days.

"The days will always be brighter because she existed. The nights will always be darker because she's gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief or about time healing all wounds, the truth is there are certain sorrows that never fade away...until the heart stops beating & the last breath is taken."

For showing me that life is so much more than many people see it as, and believe it to be. For teaching me that it's not about the length of life, but rather as how you live it and carry on. That it's not about the kind of cards you've been dealt-- but about accepting them, learning from them, reaching out to others, and making the most of them. I cherish the seventeen years of life I've got to spend with you. I believe it, truly, to be a gift from God. It's going to be hard. It's going to be really hard. But I'm going to face it, and fight through it. I might not always be standing, but I will get back up. And I will try. I will try over and over and over and again. I will try as many times as it takes me. Because I know that that is what you would have wanted...for all of us. Thank you for everything, really. I could not ask for a better sister, or a better role model than you. You are the hope in my heart and the faith in my bones, and I will never let that go. I love you, and I'll see you soon.

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DATE: Jul 17 2007, 4:55 pm / MOOD: Don't know

--Info--
Name:    Lauren Gabrielle.
Nicknames:    Glen
Birthplace:    Some hospital.
Current Location:    My living room.
Hair Color:    Blonde.
Eye Color:    Greenishblue.
Height:    5 ft 6
Weight:    Too much.
Tatoos?:    None.
Piercings?:    Ears.
Overused Phrase:    "You think I'm kidding, but I'm notttt."

--Your--
Bedtime:    Whenever I get tired.
Best Physical Feature:    Eyes.
Most Embarassing Moment:    I'm not embarrassed easily.
Most Missed Memory:  Childhood. 
First Thought When You Wake Up:    What time is it?
Weakness:    Big brown eyes
Best Friends:    Ryan Andrew.
Goal For The Year:    Lose weight.
Greatest Fears:   Clowns.

--This Or That--
Pepsi or Coke...    COKE.
McDonalds or Burger King...    Neither.
Hot Tea or Ice Tea...    Ice.
Chocolate or Vanilla...    Vanilla.
Water or Milk...    Water.
Coffee or Hot Chocolate...    Coffee.

Hugs or Kisses...    Hugs.
Cats or Dogs...    Cars.
Summer or Winter...    Summer.
Scary Movies or Romantic Comedies...    RC's

Love or Money...    Love.
Green Grapes or Purple Grapes...   Green.

--Lover--
Perferred Eye Color:    Brown.
Perferred Hair Color:    Black.
Short Hair or Long Hair...    Short.
Perferred Height:    Tall.
Perferred Weight:    Meaty.
Looks or Personality...    Personality.
Hot or Cute...    Cute.
Skinny...Muscular...or Fat...    Chubkins.

--Favs--
Number:    Seven
Food:    Italian.
Type of Music:    Rock.
Candy:    Fun-dip.
Color:    Orange.
Animal:    Cat.
Drink:    Water.
Body Part on the Opposite Sex:    back/arms
Movie:    I don't know.
Past Time:    Mmmm...

--Have You Ever--
Drank?    Yep.
Smoked?    Yep.
Been Beaten Up?    No.
Bullied Someone?    No.
Skinny Dipped?    Yep.
Played Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven?    Yep.
Toliet Papered Someones House?    Yep.
Played Poker W/ Money?    No.
Gone Swimming In A White T-Shirt?    Yep.
Been Tickled So Bad That You Cried?    Yep.
Been Tickled So Bad That You Couldnt Talk?    Yep.
Like Someone And Not Tell Them How You Felt?    Yep.
Went Camping?    Yep.
Used The Restroom On A Tree?    Yep.
Had A Crush On Your Brother/Sister's Friend?    Yep.
Had A Crush On Your Friend's Brother/Sister?    No.
Walked In The Rain W/out An Umbrella?    Yep.
Danced In The Rain?    Yep.
Told A Joke And Nobody Thought It was Funny?    Yep.
Been On Stage?    Yep.
Worn Clothes Your Mom Didnt Approve Of?    Yep.
Been To A Nude Beach?    No.

Cursed In Church?    No.
Been Called A Whore/Slut For Kissing Someone?   No.
Burnt Yourself?    Yep.
Been Dumped?    Kindof.
Dumped Someone?    Yep.

Been In Love?    Yep.
Been Hit On Someone To Old?    Yep.
Wanted To Be A Model?    Yep.
Wanted To Be In The Olmpics?    Yep.
Bought Lottery Tickets?    Yep.
Made Out In A Car?    Yep.
Cried During A Movie?    Yep.
Wanted Something You Couldnt Have?    Yep.
Made Love On The Beach?    No.
Shoplifted?    Yep.
Seen Someone Shoplift?    Yep.
Hung Up On Someone?    Yep.
Yelled At Your Pet?    Yep.
Gotten Seasick?    No.
Tried To Strip When Drunk?    No.
Bought A Thong Cuz The Casier Was Hot?    No.
Stalked Someone?    No.
Had A Stalker?    No.
Played A Prank On Someone And Scared Them?    Yep.
Been Embarrassed By Someone In Your Family?    Yep.
Felt Bad About Eating Meat?    Yep.
Protested?    No.

Been To An Island?    No.
Ate Cuz You Had Nothing Better To Do?    Yep.
Screamed In A Library?    Yep.
Made Out W/ A Stranger?    No.
Made Out W/ Someone Who Wasnt Single?    No.
Wished A Part Of You Was Different?    Yep.
Talked To A Complete Stranger?    Yep.
Been Sunburned So Bad You Blistered?    No.

Kicked A Guy In The Nuts?    Yep.
Threw Up In School?    Yep.
Recieved A Love Letter That Wasnt Signed?    Yep.
Wore Something You Hated?    Yep.
Wore Something To Match Someone?    Yep.
Been To A Luau?    No.
Cursed Infront Of Your Parents?    Yep.
Been On TV?    Yep.
Been Outta The Country?    No.
Been Honked At While Walking Down The Sidewalk?    Yep.
Won A Pool Game?    Yep.
Went To A Party Where You Were The Only Sober One?    Yep.
Went To School/ Work Drunk?    No.
Dieted?    Yep.
Had An Eating Disorder?    Yep.
Cheated On Your Other?    No.
Been Cheated On?    No.
Been Paid To Date Someone?   
Dated Someone That Was Paid or Dared To Date You?    No.
Tanned Topless?    Yep.
Been Strip Searched?    No.
Been On A Plane?    No.
Been On A Cruise?    No.
Been Pantsed In Public?    Yep.
Thrown Your Shoe At Someone?    Yep.
Broke Someone's Heart?    Yep.
Sung In The Shower?    Yep.
Bought Something Way To Expensive?    Yep.
Done Something Stupid And Laughed At Yourself?    Yep.
Been Walked In On While You Were Dressing?    Yep.
Been Walked In On While Showering?    Yep.
Ran Out Of A Movie Theater Cuz You Got Scared?    No.
Been Kicked Out Of A Mall/ Store?    Yep.
Been Kicked Out Of A GoCart Place Cuz You Wrecked The Go Cart?    No.
Been In Detention?    Yep.
Feel Off A Roof?    No.
Pretended You Were Scared So You Could Cuddle W/ Someone?    Yep.
Been In A Wreck?   
Wrecked So You Wouldnt Hit An Animal?    No.
Made Yourself Puck So You Wouldnt Have To Go To School?   Yep.
Threatened Someone W/ A Water Gun?    Yep.
Been Shot?    No.
Had A Water Gun War?    Yep.
Been Arrested?    No.

--Randoms--
Regret Something You Did In The Past?    Yep.
Country You Wanna Visit:    Canada.
Way You Wanna Die:    Sleep.
Like Thunderstorms?    No.
Get Along W/ Your Parents?    Yeah.
R U A Health Freak?    No.
U Think Ur Attractive?    No.
Do You Believe In Yourself?    Yes.
Wanna Get Married?    Yes.
Wanna Go To College?    Yes.
Shower Daily?    Yeah.
Want Kids?    Two.
When Do U Wanna Lose Your Virginity?    ...
Do U Hate Anyone?    No.
Can You Unwrap A Starburst W/ Your Tongue?    Yes, actually.
Do You Think You Can Sing?    No.
Can You Open You Eyes Underwater?    Yeah, without contacts.
Eat Whatever And Not Worry?    No.
Can You Whistle?    Yeah.
Can You Walk In High Heels?    Not well.
Do You Sleep W/ The Light On?    No.
Do You Like Super Spicy Foods?    No.
Can You Multitask?    No.
Touch Your Nose W/ Your Tongue?    No.
Can You Fit In Your Locker?    Yeah.
Do You Spit?    No.
Can You Taste The Difference Between Pepsi And Coke? Yes.  
If You Could Wish 4 Anything...What Would You Wish?    That I could be skinny and stay that way.
What Kind Of Perfume Or Colone Do You Wear?   Spirit.
What Kind Of Soap Do You Use?   Dove.
What's Your Favorite Scent?    Plumeria.
Would You Choose To Live Forever If You Could? No.

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DATE: Jul 04 2007, 12:45 pm / MOOD: Other

SURVERY NUMBER ONE:

 

When was the last time you cried?  Awhile ago, actually. Which is kind of surprising, because I usually cry about every other day.

Have you ever faked sick?  Haha. I used to all the time when I was a little kid. Especially on Fridays, because that was computer day, and I hated the teacher.

What was your last lie?  "I'm fine..."

Have you ever cried during a movie?  Are you kidding me? Hell yeah.

Be honest. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off?  Ryan Andrew.

Have you ever danced in the rain? Yesh, and I love it.

Have you ever been drunk?  Once, and I hated it.

Have you ever tried drugs?  Pot- and I hated that, too.

Do you smoke?  No, I think that's really gross. xD 

What's the farthest you've gone on a dare?  Taking the shirt off and running down the street. No guys were there, though. Just girls. 

What's your full name? Lauren Gabrielle Sondag

What's your blood type? O.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, but it was small.

How old were you when you had your first kiss? Hah- seven.

Who was it? My best friend, Zach. 

Have you ever had an online relationship? Yeah, but I saw him sometimes.  It lasted 2 1/2 years, too if that tells you anything.

Have you ever been rejected by a crush? No.

What's your favorite sport to play? I hate them all. I only watch them, sorry. xD

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? No,never.

Favorite childhood memory? Butterfly kisses and tiger blood snow cones.

Do you regret anything you've done?  No. It got me where I am now.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I have no idea.

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DATE: Jun 19 2007, 6:46 pm / MOOD: Bored

The ones that slip are shallow,
They break like glass among my teeth.
The shards, they fade to nothing but common talk
as they draw farther and farther away from my lips.

The ones I want- don’t make it.
They cement themselves in time,
Then roll back on their part.
Roll back down
Into the sea of the non existent words inside my throat.
The ones that ache and leave a choke

I cannot speak-
The tides are high, and over-ride my voice
They drown it out from sound.

And isn’t it ironic?
That they become so high,
That the last resort they have is screaming through my eyes
In a language that only you may understand.

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DATE: Jun 19 2007, 9:50 am / MOOD: Full of life

I came to you; my wounds still bleeding.

My scars intact; my mind in peices.

but your eyes; they reflected,

the world I wished to be in;

speaking words I'd never heard before.

and yet I never understood better.

My head; it clashed.

My veins; they broke.

My senses failed, and I became numb.

But your eyes; they showed me,

all that I can be.

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DATE: Jun 06 2007, 6:35 pm / MOOD: Disappointed

1. If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you do?

 Cry. Then tell my parents.

 

2. Do you trust all of your friends?

 No.

 

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?

 Of course.

 

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

 Yes. Yes, I do.

 

5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.

 Mistrust. Cheating.

 

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? 

 Ashley.

7. When was the last time you snuck out?

 Long time ago.

8. Are you afraid of falling in love?

 No. It's the "falling-out-of-love" part that gets me.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?

 Yep.

10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?

 It depends.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?

 Never.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?

 "Alright."

 

13. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?

  Eyes, hair, and lips.

 

14. Fill in the blank. I like _water_.

 

15. What are your goals in life?

 Graduate, attend 4+ year college, married, 2 children.

17. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding?

 Small and white. Like me. :P

18. If you could say just one thing (phrase) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

 "I'm am nothing as I seem."

 

19. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period of time, name some people you would call?

 It depends on how long I was out.

 

20. How many kids do you want to have?

 two.

 

21. Would you make a good parent? 

   Yes.
 

22. Where was your default pic taken?

 My bathroom, believe it or not.

 

23. What is your middle name?

  Gabrielle.

 

27. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?? 

  My body.

28. Are you musical?

  i guess

 

29. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?

   Nothing.

 

30. Shoe size: 

   Depends. Usually a nine.

 

What are you wearing right now?

 PJs.

32. Righty or lefty

   Righty.
 

33. Can you make a dollar in change right now

   Yeah.

 

34. Best place to go for a date

 Home.

 

35. Favorite jeans: 

 Meh...

 

37. Favorite animal:

 Kitty

38. Favorite month: 

 July.

39. Favorite juice:

  Apple.

 

40. Have you had the chicken pox?

 Yeah.

 

41. Have you had a sore throat?

   Yeah.

 

42. Have you had plastic surgery?

    No.

 

43. Who knows you the best?

   Me.

 

45. Do you get along with your family?

    Mostly.

44. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?

  Yeah, both.

46. Ever been in a fight with your pet?

  I suppose.

47. Been to Mexico?:

  No.

 49. Did you buy something today?

   Yeah.

50. Did you get sick today?

  Yeah.

52. Do you miss someone today?

  Yeah.

53. Did you get in a fight with someone today?

   Almost.

54. Did you have sex today?

   Unfortunately, no.

55. Last person to sleep in your bed?

   Ryan.

56. Last person to see you cry?

   Ryan.

57. Who made you cry?

   Myself.

58. What was the last TV show you watched?

    Spongebob

60. What are your plans for the weekend?

   Ryan. <3

 

Repost this as “Girl Survey”

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DATE: Jun 05 2007, 1:38 pm / MOOD: Bored

Three Things
Three things that scare me:
1:	Darkness
2:	Clowns
3:	Loud noises
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	Ryan
2:	Ashley
3:	Ween
Three Things I love:
1:	Water
2:	Computer
3:	Music
Three Things I hate:
1:	Anxiety
2:	Drugs
3:	Ignorance
Three things I don't understand:
1:	The world.
2:	The world.
3:	The world.
Three things on my desk:
1:	Coloring book
2:	Crayons
3:	CDs
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	Typing
2:	Thinking
3:	Reading
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	Kiss in the rain - complete
2:	Fall in love - complete
3:	Hug a stranger - complete
Three things I can do:
1:	Blow bubbles
2:	Crack my toes
3:	Make my shoulder blade poke out of my back.
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	Laid back
2:	Observant
3:	Understanding
Three things I can't do:
1:	Kill things (including bugs, and plants)
2:	Watch TV for more than 2 hours.
3:	Sit still longer than 10 minutes.
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

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DATE: Jun 05 2007, 1:30 pm / MOOD: Bored

Who's who
Whos your number 4:	Ernesto Carlos Ornelas
Whos your number 1:	Ryan Andrew Ferguson
Whos your number 3:	April Kuhl
Whos your number 2:	Ashley Ann Cook.
What is your relationship to numer 4:	Ex-love.
What is your relationship to numer 1:	Love.
What is your relationship to numer 3:	Friend.
What is your relationship to numer 2:	Bestfriend.
Random questions
What would you do if #1 turned into a fish:	Keep them in a jar.
Have you ever pictured any of them naked:	Two of them. And I've seen Three of them. xD
Do you WANT to see any of them naked:	Hah. Obviously.
Have you ever imagined being bf/gf to #3:	No.
If so, why:	She's amazing, but I don't swing that way.
If you were in a relationship with #2, do you think it would last:	No.
If you could spend a whole day with one of them, who would it be:	Ryan Andrew. (#1)
Which one is more like you:	Ryan Andrew (#1)
Does #4 turn you on:	Not anymore.
What about #3:	No.
And #2:	No.
Also, #1:	Very much so.
Which one do you get along with better:	I get alot with all of them
Which one do you talk to the most:	Ryan (#1)
Lets talk about number 1. . .
Where did you meet them:	Online.
Was that a good day:	I suppose. I can't remember. It was like 3 years ago.
Do they like carrots:	No.
Do they like orange juice:	No.
Do they like coffee more:	Yeah.
What type of coffee:	Cappuccino. Vanilla.
Whats their favorite movie:	They have alot.
Do they like TV:	No.
Are they single or taken:	Taken.
Is that a good or bad thing:	Good.
Number Two seems interesting. . .
Is this one your brother or sister:	Practically.
How old are they:	16.
Do they make things fun:	Yeah.
Are they female or male:	Chica.
Do they like Justin Timberlake:	I suppose?
What about fruit:	Yeah. She loves fruit. :]
Does the movie House of Wax strike their interest:	Probably.
Is this person sexy:	YES! lmao
Would you ever lick this person:	Uhm. I probably have.
If not, why:	Haha.
Number three sounds sexy. . .
How long have you known this person:	Not that long.
Is that good or bad:	Baddd.
Does this person like empanadas:	I don't knowww.
Why:
Whats their favorite color:	Probably black or red.
Do they fantasize about anyone that you are aware of:	I think so...^_^
If you could do anything to this person, what would it be:	HUG!
Does this person have any interest in vegetables:	Probably not.
Oh is that right:	That's right.
This person is sexy, aren't they:	Why the hell are you so perverted?
Number four is orgasmic. . .
Do they have the same name as you:	No.
Who is this person:	Ernest.
Oh thats nice:	Yeah.
Do they like Atreyu:	Yeah.
Whats their eye color:	Brown.
Is it hot:	Is what hot?
Whats their view on steroids:	Not neccisary.
I think number four may be my favorite. What do you think about that:	Makes sense. He's amazing.
Is this person too hot to handle:	Maybe.
Can I get their number:	No.
Which one is more. . .
Attractive:	Boy: Ryan               Girl: April
Nice:	Ernesto.
Sweet:	Ryan.
Funny:	Ryan.
Manly:	Ashley....J/K! Ryan, I guess.
Feminine:	Ashley.
Random:	Ryan.
Tasty:	Ryan.
Considerate:	Ashley.
Conservative:	Ernesto.
Quiet:	Ernesto.
Outspoken:	April.
Hard-working:	Ryan.
Intelligent:	Ashley
Observant:	Ryan.
Who would. . .
Be the first to save you if you were drowning:	ALL. :]
Be the first to come to you when you needed to cry:	Ryan or Ashley.
Be the first to hold you in your time of need:	Ryan or Ashley.
Sing with you in the car with the music on loud:	Ashley.
Just lay down and talk to you:	All.
Not get tired of you if you hung out with them all day:	All.
Put your life before their own:	Ryan.
You hug right now:	Ryan.
You kiss right now:	Ryan.
Be the first one to take you in ifyou were drunk and couldn't think right:	All.
LET you get drunk in the first place:	April.
Drive to you in the middle of the night if you car broke down:	All.
Last Questions
Was this a good survey:	No.
Thank you:	You're welcome.
SALUT:	Byeee.

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