http://www.anxietytribe.comAnxietyTribe.com http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32270 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32270 today was okay, except for being really upset this morning because of an argument i had with my borther yeterdday and then him acting normal today, but then my momsaid that if someoen was being mean to you you shouldnt confront them, u should just avoid them as much as possible because confronting will make the situation worse ,i got so mad at her i left the room, cos im having loads of trouble in collegeg and with my thesis group----- can someone tell me if shes right ? i was for confronting ppl, but my mam cant be so far wrong can she?? and im just really confused, but i really dont think this is right :( i said to her that avoiding things wasnt going to solve them, i dont know, im just so surprised she said that :( and she hasnt spoken to me since.....and i dont know why becaue i would have thought she would talk to me about it again or at least ask if i was okay :( i odntknow Mon, 31 Dec 2012 12:12:22 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32258 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32258 i'm really upset at my brother , today when i was taking a shower he knocked on mty dooor and asked if he could borrow some cream, i wasnt ready yet so i asked if he could wait ten mins and he said okay and we left itat that. then when i was nearly done i got a bit paranoid i admit but tbh we havent been getting along great lately so i started thinking that maybe he asked me early on purposr cos he knew i wasnt ready and he wanted to take advantage of that. and i got really paranoid that hes using me. but then cos im doing this cbt course i started thinking bout the facts and facts were that he just asked me if he couldget soem moisteriser and i said to wait a bit and that was that, so going by the 'facts' everything seemed okay. so instead of getting (too) upset i just thought to give him the cream when i was ready, and to tell him to wait till i was finished next time when asking. except when i did tell him to wait next time he looked angry and said 'well i didnt know u were not ready, i just knew u were finished showering but i didnt know if u wre completely ready or waht u were doing in ur room. and i said 'well you shold have waited till later' to which he replied again 'well i didnt know, so i coiuldnt have waited till later'. and we just left it at that. and that jsut really didnt turn out the way i thought it would i thought he would have said 'okay' when i told him to wait next time, and that would hve be en that. but we actuallly had a fight thereand hes 22 and im 19, but i dont understand why hes being so childish, im the one with and anxiety problem and for the next ten mins after i was upstairs trying to calm myself down. this just means that he doesnt understand ...right? and i odnt know what to do now cos hes not going to apologize or explain anythign cos he thinks hes rigth but were not going to get anywhere like this, and im not going to do anything either cos i mso sick of always being the one to ry and fix things. and this one isnt my fault - i have a problem, and hes acting childish and immature...wheres the sense in that?! its not the cream that made me upset (which was what my cousin thought), it was his reaction when i told him to wait a bit nex t time Sun, 30 Dec 2012 17:12:53 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32079 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32079 this evening i started talking to my brother alot more compared to the lsast three months, cos i was always so amd at him that i didnt wanna talk to him, or else i was too upset, and tonight when i got paranoind bout something i asked him bou tit and it was fine, then he said i hadnt herard him talk in 3 months and i sadi no he hadnt heard me talk and he said true, and we left it at that. but when he said all o that he had this realy weird smile on his face and i dont know if its because he thinks he finlally got through to me and he was able to figure me out, and i feell ike hes using em or soemt,hing :( and i was really really anxious bout that during dinner andi felt like i jsut couldnt cope and i went staright to bed after :( it was like my head only had word waord going throug hadn that was 'pain' cos im y heart felt so sore like never beofer and i htink tis cos i felt like he thought he knew what to do to make me talk to him and he was gna use that to his own advantaged, like i felt that soemtiems he dragged htings out when he talked so id have to tal more an i feel like hes using me :( tell me if im wrong.. and then when kinda figured to leave that bit i remembered a time when he was mad at me and said tha tall i cared about was my self and what i wanted, this really hurt me then cos i dont hink im like that, an it made me even mroe upset and anxius thinking if he did 'care' bout me, why did he say something like that cos that obviously proves that he doesnt understand me - right? so basically i was worrying botu both of those things , how it seemed like he might care for me but also that he doesnt undestand me and thinks all i care bout is myslef? (that was bout a month ago btw) but it just really upset cos i was going throug ha hard time, stil am and i felt liek i didnt have his support :(it just doesnt make sense Thu, 20 Dec 2012 09:12:29 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32078 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32078 toda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. in calss i tend to get confused easilly and i ask loads of quetions, or else i ge tanxious and miss something soemone jsut said, or it takes me longer to process something and hence get confused, and ask mroe questions than other people too. and i feel like alot of thetimes people in my class get annoyed, mad or frustrated at me becaue i dont udnerstand i need someoen t explain things to me ove rand over again. even if they dont need to explain it loads of times nad just once more, one of the girls was really annoyed and answered me in a really annoyed way , and the oth rgirl beside me and didnt say anyting but had a look on her face and i dont know what that look is but i keep thiking its not something good, and if its not somethign good, i jsut dont understand why people would get annoyed over that, its not right :( and i wasnt donig anythign worng, i was jsut asking quesitons, and it doesnt make sense to me why so many people are being meant to me when i ve done nothign to them. its not my fault i dont understand , wh are they like this? and if i ahd none of the other problems in my life, i d brush this off and think screww it to everyone in my class, but nothign else is workign out and im so confused, upset, anious, and upset, i been upset so muc hmore these days, and so tired. i jsut dont understand how people in m ycalss could be like this??? thye hsould be nice, and afte rtaht incdient thoe two girls were nice, but the yshouldnt even have been annoyeda tthe satart i dont thnk.....right?? i JUST DONT UNDERTAND!! and i cant beleive they are the ones gettin away with it, having load sof riends whil im here rotting away with barely anyfriedns and f@cked up family, and not being able to control my ow nfeelings or know how to feel or not feel why Thu, 20 Dec 2012 09:12:50 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32061 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32061 toda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. in calss i tend to get confused easilly and i ask loads of quetions, or else i ge tanxious and miss something soemone jsut said, or it takes me longer to process something and hence get confused, and ask mroe questions than other people too. and i feel like alot of thetimes people in my class get annoyed, mad or frustrated at me becaue i dont udnerstand i need someoen t explain things to me ove rand over again. even if they dont need to explain it loads of times nad just once more, one of the girls was really annoyed and answered me in a really annoyed way , and the oth rgirl beside me and didnt say anyting but had a look on her face and i dont know what that look is but i keep thiking its not something good, and if its not somethign good, i jsut dont understand why people would get annoyed over that, its not right :( and i wasnt donig anythign worng, i was jsut asking quesitons, and it doesnt make sense to me why so many people are being meant to me when i ve done nothign to them. its not my fault i dont understand , wh are they like this? and if i ahd none of the other problems in my life, i d brush this off and think screww it to everyone in my class, but nothign else is workign out and im so confused, upset, anious, and upset, i been upset so muc hmore these days, and so tired. i jsut dont understand how people in m ycalss could be like this??? thye hsould be nice, and afte rtaht incdient thoe two girls were nice, but the yshouldnt even have been annoyeda tthe satart i dont thnk.....right?? i JUST DONT UNDERTAND!! and i cant beleive they are the ones gettin away with it, having load sof riends whil im here rotting away with barely anyfriedns and f@cked up family, and not being able to control my ow nfeelings or know how to feel or not feel why why why/ Wed, 19 Dec 2012 11:12:56 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32060 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32060 oda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most ,days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. so yeah thats a mess     also this evening i started talking to my brother alot more compared to the lsast three months, cos i was always so amd at him that i didnt wanna talk to him, or else i was too upset, and tonight when i got paranoind bout something i asked him bou tit and it was fine, then he said i hadnt herard him talk in 3 months and i sadi no he hadnt heard me talk and he said true, and we left it at that. but when he said all o that he had this realy weird smile on his face and i dont know if its because he thinks he finlally got through to me and he was able to figure me out, and i feell ike hes using em or soemt,hing :( and i was really really anxious bout that during dinner andi felt like i jsut couldnt cope and i went staright to bed after :( it was like my head only had word waord going throug hadn that was 'pain' cos im y heart felt so sore like never beofer and i htink tis cos i felt like he thought he knew what to do to make me talk to him and he was gna use that to his own advantaged, like i felt that soemtiems he dragged htings out when he talked so id have to tal more an i feel like hes using me :( tell me if im wrong.. and then when kinda figured to leave that bit i remembered a time when he was mad at me and said tha tall i cared about was my self and what i wanted, this really hurt me then cos i dont hink im like that, an it made me even mroe upset and anxius thinking if he did 'care' bout me, why did he say something like that cos that obviously proves that he doesnt understand me - right? so basically i was worrying botu both of those things , how it seemed like he might care for me but also that he doesnt undestand me and thinks all i care bout is myslef? (that was bout a month ago btw) but it just really upset cos i was going throug ha hard time, stil am and i felt liek i didnt have his support :(it just doesnt make sense Wed, 19 Dec 2012 11:12:15 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32041 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32041 toda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. in calss i tend to get confused easilly and i ask loads of quetions, or else i ge tanxious and miss something soemone jsut said, or it takes me longer to process something and hence get confused, and ask mroe questions than other people too. and i feel like alot of thetimes people in my class get annoyed, mad or frustrated at me becaue i dont udnerstand i need someoen t explain things to me ove rand over again. even if they dont need to explain it loads of times nad just once more, one of the girls was really annoyed and answered me in a really annoyed way , and the oth rgirl beside me and didnt say anyting but had a look on her face and i dont know what that look is but i keep thiking its not something good, and if its not somethign good, i jsut dont understand why people would get annoyed over that, its not right :( and i wasnt donig anythign worng, i was jsut asking quesitons, and it doesnt make sense to me why so many people are being meant to me when i ve done nothign to them. its not my fault i dont understand , wh are they like this? and if i ahd none of the other problems in my life, i d brush this off and think screww it to everyone in my class, but nothign else is workign out and im so confused, upset, anious, and upset, i been upset so muc hmore these days, and so tired. i jsut dont understand how people in m ycalss could be like this??? thye hsould be nice, and afte rtaht incdient thoe two girls were nice, but the yshouldnt even have been annoyeda tthe satart i dont thnk.....right?? i JUST DONT UNDERTAND!! and i cant beleive they are the ones gettin away with it, having load sof riends whil im here rotting away with barely anyfriedns and f@cked up family, and not being able to control my ow nfeelings or know how to feel or not feel why why why/! Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:12:44 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32040 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32040 when i was really upset after dinner the and i went to my bedroom ,m mom popped in halfway thourgh to ask if i wanted any dessert and saw me in bed, i said i was reall ysad and she asked my why, but cos i wasnt in the mood then i said id tell her later, the nshe left and i heard her tell my bother taht i was usetand in bed. later on when i got up to go to the gym i went into the itchen and my mam wasthere reading the paper, and when i went in she acted like normal and told me to get my keys etc. and as i was about to leave i thought it was weird that seh was acting so normal and wasnt asking me waht owas wrong , and sitting me down etc. so when i went to ask her i asked her how seh was feelign and she said fine, and i asked her should she be more concerned that i was upst an hoiur ago, she looked at me and said the i tol her id tell her later on so she was jsut waiting and kind of i expect her tto doed me what did else did i expect her to do? and i just left her there then os i didnt udnerstand anytnign and wasnt sure how i should react etc... i jsut always feell ike she doesnt care bout me enough :( what od ye think? and because of that, it brought me back to last week when i slept in for a class where we had to hand in our essay cos i was upsst bout not having completd it and i was feeling really bad about it cos i felt like my whole world was ending becuae on top of that things in class werent working out either which ill go into detail about lateron. so after my mam called me to gt up bout 5 tiems nd got angry saying i should face thing not hide form them... but she didnt understand how crap i felt :( anyway she went out lateron a,d and i slept in, when i got upt bout two hours after seh came back, she was in th library and she was talking to my borther like normal which i got mad at cos i felt lie she shouldnt be, i mean did she not know how upset i was? so basically i was really upst when i saw ehr and dint really talk to her cos i was so mad , and when she said my jumper was nice i got mad thining how could she focus on that when ibaically lost 5% of my degree because i didnt handin my essay, so ireplied really bluntly an she got upset then an started getting mad, but i was mad enough already so i left the house and didnt come home till night tiem .when i came back home she was asleep already and i basically jsut spent the whole day trying to reassure myself that she didnt care bout me, and the reason she didnt mention that morning was cos she didnt know what to say etc etc. i cant remember what happened the next day, i think i asked her bout why she didnt mention anything on the friday when i slept in for the essay thing but im not sru cos i forgot and bsicaly my mood has been changing really rapidly since then, like everyday my mood would be different. so now today after getting my meds raised and i was feeling really upset /anxious etc. i remembered this moment last week and i gotreally mad now wonderin why she isnt reacting mroe cos i feel like she should have more of a reaction and i feel like such an eejit for letting her get away wit this :( Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:12:52 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32039 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32039 toda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. so yeah thats a mess also this evening i started talking to my brother alot more compared to the lsast three months, cos i was always so amd at him that i didnt wanna talk to him, or else i was too upset, and tonight when i got paranoind bout something i asked him bou tit and it was fine, then he said i hadnt herard him talk in 3 months and i sadi no he hadnt heard me talk and he said true, and we left it at that. but when he said all o that he had this realy weird smile on his face and i dont know if its because he thinks he finlally got through to me and he was able to figure me out, and i feell ike hes using em or soemthing :( and i was really really anxious bout that during dinner andi felt like i jsut couldnt cope and i went staright to bed after :( it was like my head only had word waord going throug hadn that was 'pain' cos im y heart felt so sore like never beofer and i htink tis cos i felt like he thought he knew what to do to make me talk to him and he was gna use that to his own advantaged, like i felt that soemtiems he dragged htings out when he talked so id have to tal more an i feel like hes using me :( tell me if im wrong.. and then when kinda figured to leave that bit i remembered a time when he was mad at me and said tha tall i cared about was my self and what i wanted, this really hurt me then cos i dont hink im like that, an it made me even mroe upset and anxius thinking if he did 'care' bout me, why did he say something like that cos that obviously proves that he doesnt understand me - right? so basically i was worrying botu both of those things , how it seemed like he might care for me but also that he doesnt undestand me and thinks all i care bout is myslef? (that was bout a month ago btw) but it just really upset cos i was going throug ha hard time, stil am and i felt liek i didnt have his support :(it just doesnt make sense Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:12:00 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32038 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32038 toda y igot my dosage for citalopram raised from 20mg to 30 mg, i was really upset and anxious/worried even efore i got it up which was why i got my psychey to raise it. in my appoinment i told her bout how my mood was really bad most days and that this was partly due to my thesis group in college, i talked bout how i thought it was a bit ove rthe top when they got really frustrated at me when i didnt have all my work done properly (even tho i tried) and said that in the future to make sure t ohave all my work done, and getting really frustrated correcting my work. when i said i thought it was ove rthe top my psychey frowned and wrote it down, and i got really worried afterwards about what she thought of it, if it meant that she didn't agree wit hme thinking it was over the top and thought that was a sign of me being paranoid or whatever and i got really upst/anious bout it :(. later on i thought that i had a right to think what i though and that it wasnt important waht i thought of it, but what i was gna do cos my thesis group is in bits, ive avoided meeting them in meetings cos im scared theyll give out to me, which is what the did before when i repeated things they already said or asked loads of questions cos i dont understand. so yeah thats a mess also this evening i started talking to my brother alot more compared to the lsast three months, cos i was always so amd at him that i didnt wanna talk to him, or else i was too upset, and tonight when i got paranoind bout something i asked him bou tit and it was fine, then he said i hadnt herard him talk in 3 months and i sadi no he hadnt heard me talk and he said true, and we left it at that. but when he said all o that he had this realy weird smile on his face and i dont know if its because he thinks he finlally got through to me and he was able to figure me out, and i feell ike hes using em or soemthing :( and i was really really anxious bout that during dinner andi felt like i jsut couldnt cope and i went staright to bed after :( it was like my head only had word waord going throug hadn that was 'pain' cos im y heart felt so sore like never beofer and i htink tis cos i felt like he thought he knew what to do to make me talk to him and he was gna use that to his own advantaged, like i felt that soemtiems he dragged htings out when he talked so id have to tal more an i feel like hes using me :( tell me if im wrong.. and then when kinda figured to leave that bit i remembered a time when he was mad at me and said tha tall i cared about was my self and what i wanted, this really hurt me then cos i dont hink im like that, an it made me even mroe upset and anxius thinking if he did 'care' bout me, why did he say something like that cos that obviously proves that he doesnt understand me - right? so basically i was worrying botu both of those things , how it seemed like he might care for me but also that he doesnt undestand me and thinks all i care bout is myslef? (that was bout a month ago btw) but it just really upset cos i was going throug ha hard time, stil am and i felt liek i didnt have his support :(it just doesnt make sense what else, oh and when i was really upset after dinner the and i went to my bedroom ,m mom popped in halfway thourgh to ask if i wanted any dessert and saw me in bed, i said i was reall ysad and she asked my why, but cos i wasnt in the mood then i said id tell her later, the nshe left and i heard her tell my bother taht i was usetand in bed. later on when i got up to go to the gym i went into the itchen and my mam wasthere reading the paper, and when i went in she acted like normal and told me to get my keys etc. and as i was about to leave i thought it was weird that seh was acting so normal and wasnt asking me waht owas wrong , and sitting me down etc. so when i went to ask her i asked her how seh was feelign and she said fine, and i asked her should she be more concerned that i was upst an hoiur ago, she looked at me and said the i tol her id tell her later on so she was jsut waiting and kind of i expect her tto doed me what did else did i expect her to do? and i just left her there then os i didnt udnerstand anytnign and wasnt sure how i should react etc... i jsut always feell ike she doesnt care bout me enough :( what od ye think? and because of that, it brought me back to last week when i slept in for a class where we had to hand in our essay cos i was upsst bout not having completd it and i was feeling really bad about it cos i felt like my whole world was ending becuae on top of that things in class werent working out either which ill go into detail about lateron. so after my mam called me to gt up bout 5 tiems nd got angry saying i should face thing not hide form them... but she didnt understand how crap i felt :( anyway she went out lateron a,d and i slept in, when i got upt bout two hours after seh came back, she was in th library and she was talking to my borther like normal which i got mad at cos i felt lie she shouldnt be, i mean did she not know how upset i was? so basically i was really upst when i saw ehr and dint really talk to her cos i was so mad , and when she said my jumper was nice i got mad thining how could she focus on that when ibaically lost 5% of my degree because i didnt handin my essay, so ireplied really bluntly an she got upset then an started getting mad, but i was mad enough already so i left the house and didnt come home till night tiem .when i came back home she was asleep already and i basically jsut spent the whole day trying to reassure myself that she didnt care bout me, and the reason she didnt mention that morning was cos she didnt know what to say etc etc. i cant remember what happened the next day, i think i asked her bout why she didnt mention anything on the friday when i slept in for the essay thing but im not sru cos i forgot and bsicaly my mood has been changing really rapidly since then, like everyday my mood would be different. so now today after getting my meds raised and i was feeling really upset /anxious etc. i remembered this moment last week and i gotreally mad now wonderin why she isnt reacting mroe cos i feel like she should have more of a reaction and i feel like such an eejit for letting her get away wit this :( okay last thing! in class, and i mentioned this earlier on, in calss i tend to get confused easilly and i ask loads of quetions, or else i ge tanxious and miss something soemone jsut said, or it takes me longer to process something and hence get confused, and ask mroe questions than other people too. and i feel like alot of thetimes people in my class get annoyed, mad or frustrated at me becaue i dont udnerstand i need someoen t explain things to me ove rand over again. even if they dont need to explain it loads of times nad just once more, one of the girls was really annoyed and answered me in a really annoyed way , and the oth rgirl beside me and didnt say anyting but had a look on her face and i dont know what that look is but i keep thiking its not something good, and if its not somethign good, i jsut dont understand why people would get annoyed over that, its not right :( and i wasnt donig anythign worng, i was jsut asking quesitons, and it doesnt make sense to me why so many people are being meant to me when i ve done nothign to them. its not my fault i dont understand , wh are they like this? and if i ahd none of the other problems in my life, i d brush this off and think screww it to everyone in my class, but nothign else is workign out and im so confused, upset, anious, and upset, i been upset so muc hmore these days, and so tired. i jsut dont understand how people in m ycalss could be like this??? thye hsould be nice, and afte rtaht incdient thoe two girls were nice, but the yshouldnt even have been annoyeda tthe satart i dont thnk.....right?? i JUST DONT UNDERTAND!! and i cant beleive they are the ones gettin away with it, having load sof riends whil im here rotting away with barely anyfriedns and fucked up family, and not being able to control my ow nfeelings or know how to feel or not feel why why why/! so... if anyoe ncan anxer those issues above for me, id really appreciate it? please do, im so distressed :( maybe ill sepaate this into little blogs hmm oh also my teeth are coming loose after my braces caem off. fml...... i dont want my teeth falling out im only 19 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:12:19 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32018 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=32018 i have really severe anxiety, well at least i think tis severe, and i get really paranoid bout things really easily. basically when im really upset and because i feel liek i cant talk to my brother or when im mad at him i usually dont really talk to him unless i hve to and when i do i give one word answers, grunt or just shrug, alot of the times when i want ot find out something form him i odnt ack him directly because i dont want to talk to him so i ask my mom and shes asks him. i think this has gotten on his nerves because today when we were leaving a restaurant he copied me when he was asking bout stuff (where i was going next saturday, with who etc) by asking my mom and getting my mom to ask me. i didnt know what to do in this situation so i asked my mom why he was talking to her andn ot me and she turnedto him and said he should talk to me. he didnt say anything then and we just left it. what i dont get is why is he doing that, when i am like that it is because im realy upset of anxious and believe me you wouldnt want to be feeling that. but when he does it it seems like its out of spite and mroe as a revenge tactic than anything else . i asked my mmom bout it and she said he was jsut joking and that i should leave it, but i dont think he should even be joking bout thsese things because its serious and he wasnt joking, then when i kept asking my mom bout it she jsut stopped ansering me then cos she didnt see it as that serious. what do other ppl think? i just odnt think he shold have done it, it just shows that he doesnt understand and is trying to get back at me. i dont get it.cos before he copied me giving really blunt one word answers one tiem and when i confronted him bout it he said 'why cant i do it to u if u do it to me?' it jsut doesnt make sense, and then i was really upset after and i went to my bedroom crying for two hours while he jsut didnt his colelge work in the kitchen. what is wrong here? i am so upset i jsut dont get it?? and i dont know what to do about this restaurant thing :'9 ii talked to my mom about it, and she said she didnt think it was serious because not everything people say have to be our liking, but this is familyk this is me, and i dont understand why she doesnt think this is serious, if my brother did that to me, then it means he didnt understand how anxiety is affecting me, i dont know if i should talk to hiim becaue i feel like he should understand , why shouldnt he ? Mon, 17 Dec 2012 19:12:08 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31659 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31659 im upset because i got really worried about this girl in my project group cos shes usually really worried bout work in college and gets things odne really quickly ,adn becuase i felt liek she was annoyed with me so i did more work btu she hasnt done any yet and im afriad shell get mad if i looked like i hadnt done much work so i did loads of work over the weekend and the two girls in my class didnt do any and i ma fraid the two of them cos theyre really close theyre going to get togehter tomorrow, do a new version of the work i put up, dont telll me, and then be realy mad/annoyd at me like she always is :(. i was so worried i couldnt even work even though i have loads of work to do for tomorrow :( and i got really upset over that so ive been watching youtube videso for 3 hours and i have even done the work tomrorrw, im jsu so bad at these things :( Sun, 25 Nov 2012 19:11:40 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31472 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31472 im so sad :( i dont really have any friends in class, the girls i hung out with in first year were always ppl who werent really in colelge alot and during breaks for some reason they dont come over to me and ask if i wanna have lunch or somethign they jsut go with the rest of the class, and they always go to the pc room or go to the library or soemthign so im on my own. and its a bit too late for getting to now the other people in my class because everyone knows eveyrone so well alreayd and im too late :( and its seems like the other girls hve it much easier, one of the other girls who doesnt try as hard as me always seems to have soemone to talk to , or someone to innclde her in a conversation..i dont as much, today when wew went into class she came in with someone and when she had the choice to sit with me she didnt choose to sit with me :( why whats wrong with me?? why is someone who doesnt try as muc has me and never cared bout how they were comign across have eaverythig already? she has so many opportunities nad i just odnt have them :'( and it makes me so sad, cos my counsellor was saying that i jsut havent bonded yet with my class but i think its too late, ive been tryignt tfor almost two months now , and ive seen little to no improvement, i just dont have the opportunity , and that girl who doesnt need to try has so much more alreayd... waht the hell is wrong iwth me???? :'( Mon, 12 Nov 2012 18:11:20 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31471 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=31471 im so sad :( i dont really have any friends in class, the girls i hung out with in first year were always ppl who werent really in colelge alot and during breaks for some reason they dont come over to me and ask if i wanna have lunch or somethign they jsut go with the rest of the class, and they always go to the pc room or go to the library or soemthign so im on my own. and its a bit too late for getting to now the other people in my class because everyone knows eveyrone so well alreayd and im too late :( and its seems like the other girls hve it much easier, one of the other girls who doesnt try as hard as me always seems to have soemone to talk to , or someone to innclde her in a conversation..i dont as much, today when wew went into class she came in with someone and when she had the choice to sit with me she didnt choose to sit with me :( why whats wrong with me?? why is someone who doesnt try as muc has me and never cared bout how they were comign across have eaverythig already? she has so many opportunities nad i just odnt have them :'( and it makes me so sad, cos my counsellor was saying that i jsut havent bonded yet with my class but i think its too late, ive been tryignt tfor almost two months now , and ive seen little to no improvement, i just dont have the opportunity , and that girl who doesnt need to try has so much more alreayd... waht the hell is wrong iwth me???? :'( Mon, 12 Nov 2012 18:11:56 -0600 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30537 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30537 i jsut cant stop worrying ,im three days till i finish my placement but i feel like its taking so long, i feel like its so slow and i really cant wait because im doing so many things each day its draining so much of my energy and i alraedy worry bout things excessively and i just feel like i cant take much more anymore, otday i kept making excuses so i woudnt have to do as much, and ifeel like im unders o much pressure, and i hate lunch itme cos i have to sit with all the other staff and i dont know if im supposed to have a really good relatioship with them already cos i ma sutdent and i get rly rl yanxious thinking i come across as a loner, and toda i couldnt even eat half my lunch, and i kee p telling myself not to worry, but i cant think of anything to make me feel better and more calm ... :/ i odnt know any sugestions? please help me! :( Tue, 4 Sep 2012 16:09:58 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30333 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30333 today we visited apatients home during placemetn, and on our way back i was really tired so i had a nap while we ewre in the bus, when we got back to the hospital my suprvisor and another staff member were thanking the bus driver, but i didnt cos i felt awkward and i wasnt rly sure hwo i supposed to fit it in when they were all chatting during the bus jounery cos they all knew each toehr so well....anyway i jsut basically oopened the door when themini bus stopped and i didnt say anythign to the driver, but before i got off i asked m ysurpvisor if we need to take out the sparre equipmeent from the back of the van, and when i asked her ,either she didnt hear me or waht, but i repeated what i said, and she looked at me for a second and said yes person and the driver werer all looking at me, and i feel like my uspervisor was upset at me because i dint say think you to the driver, and they all thougth i was weird or awkward or soemthing i said bye to the driver when we all left and i think m ysupvisor was ahppy with that thne but i dont know gah i dont know , im jsut worried that icame acrossas rude cos i didnt say thanks to the driver but i wastn beign rude, and my mam says i wasnt gahh it was just a bit awkward ah i odnt know, i jsut odnt know what m y supvisor or anyone else thinks and i ll be goign to another persons hoem on tuesday so ill see him the driver again and i nvr know aht osay when im thre cos the others taff and them know each otehr so well and at the start i didt chat to him nd all, but he didnt rly want to chat so i stopped doing it a,d later on when he didn talk to me i didnt know what ot say so i just replied to him but i didnthave an actaul conversation with him cos i was rly tired and also i didnt know whatw her was up to :/ Fri, 17 Aug 2012 17:08:26 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30302 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30302 im afraid my supervisor and soem of the other staff in my placemetn place think im weird cos they all buy their lunches and i bring in mine, on monday when one of the staff was telling me aobu tsoemthing they did for staff who are leaving their jobs, they all pitch in a buy stuff , or food for lunch time and then its like a big feast thing,and when she was tellign me it was like she was rly uncomfortable like she didnt expect me to udnrstand or soemthing, and im thinking maybe this is because seh thinks i wont understand cos i bring my lunch in and she thinks im weiird :/ also today there was a research meeting for all the staff and my supervisor said i was more than welcome to go , and that there was alwys food there like sandwiches and stuff, but she said and repeated herself a fe times that i idnt have to eat it that i could bring in my own sandwichees and eat them threre, it was like she didnt think id want to eat with them or soemting , and sh was laughing a bit when she said i coudl bring my own lunch in...i wouldnt pass theopportunity forfree food!! :( ps. im on palcemetn/work experiene in a hopstial btw for thos e to dont know xx Wed, 15 Aug 2012 17:08:22 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30290 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=30290 im scared my yoga teacher is annoyed with me cos tognight in ygoa she had to correct me alot of the time for poses, and oen tiem she kept on telling me what ot do and i dint get it and when i started to get it she kind of olooked annoyed and turned away and tlaked to the whole grouop....also cos she looked dissappointed sometiem sand at the end of the sessiong cos she told me not to use a mat yet my clothers were rly dirty from the floor and i started patting my clothes to get the dust off and patting my feet etc...and she looked at me but i odnt know what kind fo look it was co i didnt have my glasses on but i dont htin k it was a friendly look..... i feel like not goin again.... i dont knwo what ot do or who to talk too :( # also im stresd bout placement gahhhh, but maninly tonight im worrie obut he yoga lark , what ya think?? HB Tue, 14 Aug 2012 17:08:26 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=29564 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=29564 im so scared :( and udner pressure, andstressed, i feel like everything bad is happening and i cant deal iwth it and i have no one to alk to (my mam) L((((( i eel like icant handle anythig and im going t odo weyvething worng :( Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:06:03 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=29258 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=29258 today whene i went to our accommodation office with my firend to ask if i ahd to move apartments, and the woman was there i think i knew her from befroe but im not sure, and when i asked her she said that she was just after sendign an email to me, and that she spent ages doing it cos the name on my eamil was different to my naem on my accoutn ,and she looked really annoyed and she looked at me staraight int the eyes accusingly like it was my fault and i didnt know what to say so i just laughed politely but m yfirend was kind of looking at her weird, but i notices that throught our conversation she was friendlier to m yfriend that me, and when i stood a bit close to her she gave me a look liek she thought i was weird or soemthing, but she was rly nice to my friend andi felt so bad after cos i did say anything back to ehr whe nshe said i had differenct names down and my email was confusing etc.. and whe ni asked her where i collect my enw set of keys she looked anoyyed and told me whre to collect them but then said that she put that in the email, but when my friend asked her other questions she was rly nice to him ..... and im just getting rly nervous now cosi have to go ot the office tomorrow and colelct the keys and i dont know whether the person there would think i was annoying too cos i have different names, or im gonna sound rly enrvous and theyre gonna think im weird or im gonna say soemthing they dont like and theyll think im being wweird or a waste of space liek if i ask if i could keep my old key until i move everythign out of the aprtmetn and into the new one but she said today that were to give her the old keys and shell swap them for the new ones but i think id actually need the old ones jsut for when im movign my stuff???? :/ GAHHHHH and when i was aksing her question bout when the keys would be ready and when to move out she was frownign the whole way through like it was a chore for her to anser me but was rly nice to my friend... GAHHHHHH Fri, 15 Jun 2012 13:06:26 -0500