http://www.anxietytribe.comAnxietyTribe.com http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28655 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28655 Whew! I made it through the first day. I'm not gonna say I didn't freak the f@(@$ out, I did. But despite my giant scrubs that make me look like an eggplant, giant intimidating books, and lots of homework, it went pretty well! The teacher was really laid back and cool and even though I'm anxious about going tomorrow, I know a little more of what to expect now. Take it day by day I guess. Thanks for everyone's great comments :3 I got home and talked to a special person and realized all this is worth it and I know if I stay confident I can do it. Yay. Tue, 15 May 2012 00:05:53 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28621 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28621 I AM FREAKING OUTTTTT My class starts tomorrow GAHHHHHH!!!!!! I keep trying to not freak out but now its Sunday and I'm a hot @ss MESS!!!! Sun, 13 May 2012 17:05:22 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28581 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28581 Okay so today I went and registered for the medical program at the adult school. I am SO F***ING Scared it's crazy. But, the money's paid, and my scrubs are chosen, so I'm going. Monday. And ummm..Yeah I can't calm down about it. My therapist says I'm ready, and everybody I know is being super supportive, but I just get so damn nervous especially when it comes to doing well, driving places, etc. I know I'm going to be okay after the first few days or maybe more but this part sucks, being so anxious and trying not to let the anxiety take hold of me. UGH!!!! Fri, 11 May 2012 01:05:49 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28483 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28483 Ladies, do you suffer from anxiety/depression when it's your time of the month? I notice it's wrecking me emotionally right now and I wanted to know if I was the only one who felt this way. Sun, 6 May 2012 17:05:44 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28471 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28471 I'll spare you the details but let's just say today was effing brutal. I just came down from a panic attack. I think my therapist is getting tired of me calling her. Argh! I might be starting school on the 14th!!!!! Help. Sat, 5 May 2012 23:05:19 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28454 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28454 I went to see the school I'm enrolling into in July. It all looks really great and mellow. The school is for ummm...Computer training, and medical training. I'm going to do the clinical and front office medical training. It's on a little farm road with horses and everything. I know I'll be able to do it but I'm so tense. There is tension at home as well with me and husband basically living as roommates who argue once in awhile. I dont know how the next few months are going to pan out. It's like everytime I get out I start to feel better and then I get home and I'm worrying and stressing again. Yuck. ~J Fri, 4 May 2012 19:05:29 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28363 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28363 This week I'm going to a school to possibly enroll in a Clinical Medical Assistant program. I'm going to talk to the lady in charge about it and she'll answer any questions I have. I'm freaking outtttttt. The program is from July to Sept. I keep worrying about every little thing this might entail, and then reassuring myself all over again. UGH. I've been depending on others for so long, it's like this is my first step towards freedom and it's terrifying. I dont have any plans for today either, which always makes me feel anxious and losery. Like if I'm not doing anything I'm worthless. I know, I know. It blows. I'll need botox from all the worry lines. Rant over. xx~J Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:04:10 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28335 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28335 Ugh. Weekends. My mom wanted to go to the farmer's market with me but I slept slightly too late so I only caught her there for the last ten minutes or so. I was able to do my shopping there, go to starbucks and work out at the gym closeby. Other than that, I feel like I can't do ANYTHING. I'm exhausted and don't want to go out. My husband and I had a talk today about seperating and it just kind of freaked me out even more. Let's just avoid that when I can handle it. He said the only problem we have is my anxiety and how we aren't compatible in the bedroom. Pretty serious if you ask me. Anyway, let's not get into all that. I hope everyone else is having a good weekend. Sat, 28 Apr 2012 18:04:19 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28320 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28320 Ugh. I had a nightmare last night and woke up suddenly at 7am. I so did not want to get up then, and my nose was stuffed, so I took some nasal spray (which I'm addicted to...yeah). Then I woke up at 11:30 with extreme dizziness and rapid heartbeat. It freaked me out and I stayed at home all day. Even now I feel dizzy! Wtf. I looked up what afrin (nasal spray) can do to you with long term use, and sure enough, it was dizziness and rapid heart rate. It sucks when it couples with anxiety. I was rocking this week but now I feel like sh*t. Fri, 27 Apr 2012 18:04:38 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28297 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28297 I know I know I shouldn't have coffee but I neeeeeed it and I love it! It's the hardest thing to quit for me, worse than cigarettes and alcohol. Ugh. In other news, yesterday I was able to go to the dentist and therapy alone. After I was even able to give my drug store a visit. As I was leaving, a giant gust of wind blew in and knocked things off shelves. It's been kind of stormy since then. I love it. Am I the only weird one that is soothed by gloomy weather? Night time is still difficult with my anxiety. Even if I'm out all day and don't have panic, I still feel weird at night. Anybody else feel this way? xox~J Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:04:01 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28242 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28242 I just wanted to come in and talk about how great I feel after a massage. I was super anxious this morning, and didn't know why. I knew I had to go to my massage therapist and I was super nervous about having a panic attack. I called my therapist while I was in the car and she stayed on the phone until I got there. Then I asked, "Should I go in?" and she said "I would think so!" And just like it always is, I go in super anxious and a general wreck, and by the time it's over, I feel incredibly relaxed. Fully being able to eventually relax your body and let it feel the healing touch of a good masseuse is so beneficial, especially to those of us who have such issues relaxing. Touch and relaxation is about 200% more important for us because of the tension we create and endure on a daily basis. I would recommend it to you to schedule one asap. Love and peace, ~J Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:04:32 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28220 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28220 So I'm waiting for a friend in jamba juice and I'm bored. I'm thinking about how right now my sex drive is through the roof and when that happens it stifles my anxiety a lot. I'm taking these Chinese herbs. Maybe that's what it is. It's like I want to jump on every attractive man I see! I have a lot of appointments next week and I'm nervous about them. Sun, 22 Apr 2012 16:04:47 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28181 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28181 So I went to my first acupuncture treatment today. I didn't know what to expect, so mom came along for the ride. She put in about 20 needles all over (lots in my belly, and then put a heat lamp on it) and I waited anxiously while trying to relax, for about 25 minutes. Then she put these little seedlike balls inside my ear and pressed (very hard) until they stuck and told me to leave them in for 5 days. I thought she'd go through one of my piercings with those things, since I have 7 holes in each ear. I def. feel a little calmer, but I'm not sure if it's from the acupuncture. I'm thinking maybe I'll go one more time just to see. She told me to eat papayas and pears, and that it's good that I'm not drinking anymore, since my liver is...something I forget. Aaaanyway that's done and I did it. After mom and I went for coffee and we laughed about all the needles that were in me and I took those bally thingies out of my ears because, well, they hurt and my ear was turning dark red. Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:04:31 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28149 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28149 I did it! I went to see my therapist all by myself! After, I felt so good I went grocery shopping and tanning! Yay! I listened to this the whole time...   Wed, 18 Apr 2012 18:04:49 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28144 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28144 My therapist told me I should drive myself to her office today (usually I have company and we've been communicating via the phone for awhile since she's been ill). I'm freaking out. It's only 4 miles away but it will be the first time I've gone to her alone and I'm just so scared I'll have a panic attack. If I don't go, I'll feel like a failure. I can't win! Help! Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:04:43 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28129 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28129 Okay. My therapist told me I need to go somewhere today. I'm going to go to Starbucks and work from there. Off I go, fingers crossed! Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:04:00 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28123 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28123 This November I turn 28. I've decided by then, this anxiety and panic needs to be in check. I'll try as hard as I can. Also, if the world doesn't end in December, I'm going to start a new life. The life I'm living now is so not me. I'm not this boring, scared person. I never was like this until these past few years. A change needs to happen and I know I need to make it happen. Ugh. If only everything could be good right this moment! Tue, 17 Apr 2012 02:04:33 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28108 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28108 It really pisses me off when people say to me "Well, you could change it if you wanted to". Like are you serious? I want nothing more than to change it. And I am trying. A friend of mine asked me today if maybe I was "not getting better" because I liked the attention?!?!?! WTF are you kidding me?! I'd much rather have zero attention and no anxiety any day. Besides, having panic disorder does not get you anymore attention than it does when you're "normal". The only difference is you have to pay a sh*tload for your therapy, meds, or whatever you need to get through it. I had to work out hard after that and I'm still pissed. Maybe after dinner I'll feel better. xo~J Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:04:07 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28095 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28095 Oh Weekends... I always feel like I should be doing more, trying harder and pushing myself more on the weekends. Today I went tanning, to the farmer's market and to the gym. Which is good, considering I woke up with anxiety and really the last thing I wanted to do was go out. But at times like this, when my anxiety and panic are really bad, I'm just so hard on myself! I find myself thinking "Yeah, I did this and that, but it'd be great if I could do this". I texted my shrink and she said she may be well enough to come back to work this next week, which is good news. I took a nap at 7:30 which I shouldn't have done, because now I'll definitely be up all night, but I needed it. A package came this morning and woke me up Grrrr. And I've had no caffiene alllllll day. Sun, 15 Apr 2012 02:04:24 -0500 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28057 http://www.anxietytribe.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=28057 I always get anxious more so at night. I know I can't call and wake anybody else, and nobody else I know can converse with me throughout the night. My cats are always confused as to why the lights are always on. Haha. Fri, 13 Apr 2012 01:04:08 -0500