Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Oct 11 2008, 7:34 am / MOOD: Other

To everyone that has sent me a message or a comment to me and i havent replied. I havent been feeling up to getting back to most of them as i dont feel up to talking that much at the moment about the way i feel. Hopefully soon i will be feeling up to replying to you all. I hope your all doing well.  

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DATE: Sep 29 2008, 5:07 pm / MOOD: Anxious

Im really worried about tomorrow when im having a blood test, im scared about having that done but im worried about what the results will be like, my doctor thinks that i may have a blood clot. Thats why im having a blood test tto find out if i have, he wanted me to go to hospital for the test but i said i couldnt do that. I went in to tell him ive been having bad headaches and now hes told me that i may have a blod clot how great it that. I wish i could just wake up from this nightmare. I dont think i will be able to get any sleep tonight as im worrying so much and cant seem to calm myself down. Why did he have to tell me, why couldnt he just said that he thinks i need a blood test he didnt have to tell me what for.   

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DATE: Jul 11 2008, 12:11 pm / MOOD: Tired

Ive been feeling really good today apart from 2 things, 1) ive been asleep for most of the day or at least 6 hours of it so thats not good as i think i wont be able to get any sleep tonight 2) im off to work in an hour whch will just kill me, anyone want to do my shift your get paid, lol. You also get the chance of winning £800 i havent won it yet but you could if you do my shift. Anyway im off to get alittle more sleep before i go to work and then ill be back sometime tonight well it will be actually tomorrow as i wont get in until 12.30am.   

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DATE: Jul 09 2008, 3:51 am / MOOD: Other

Im sat in bed listening to the rain, im tired and need some sleep but i cant i ve gone over the stage of sleep  and  will sturggle on being awake. Im all alone in the house no one is in,  i dont know what to do. Im not sure what im talking about here.

Yesterday i locked myself out of my own house how stupids that. I dont know how i could of locked the door if i didnt have my key i had to wait 2 hours until my dad got back, when i got in i found my key was on my bed. I also forgot where i lived for one second now im scared that i will forget where i live when i next go outside.

I am counting down the days until i see my new therapist who i dont like i need to wait a month and 1 day. I want someone to phone my therapist i know its wrong seen as its my problem but i cant do it,

1) as they changed my therapist i dont know who to call seen as i think shes now on holiday

2) I cant see their their face to see how they react, i always think that they are laughing at me, even though i would find it even harder face to face. I wish everything could be done by computer.     

I fell asleep at worrk im just so tired when i get to work, luckily i work on my own so my boss cant see but a customer did but tey were fine with it and wont tell my boss. I walk into the club and as its really warm i fall asleep i cant alter the temperature inside as they will complain so i guess im there to sleep. 

All i know is that my life is the same as it was 2 weeks ago apart from changing my therapist. 

 

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DATE: Jul 03 2008, 6:38 pm / MOOD: Other

I need to talk to people, i just feel so alone i dont know what to do but be sad im the worst person to have around thats why no one talks to me and even if they try im just sh*t at talking even on here i find it really hard but i want it all to change. I want to talk to people that understand what im talking about maybe no one will answer this and so in the end i was right that no one likes me. 

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DATE: Jun 13 2008, 6:49 pm / MOOD: Fearful

Something happened at work tonight, i went to collect glasses in the snooker room and i normally get along with this man and we have a laugh but he went to far tonight, he started hugging me and wouldnt let go when i said no, i managed to get away from him but then he stood by the door and wouldnt let me out of the room and snatched the glasses out of my hand and so a few smashed on the floor and then he just laughed at me. It made me have a painc attack. Everything would be on camera that happened but it looks like im the only person that has problems behind the bar with people. Im not sure what to do. 

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DATE: May 30 2008, 9:59 am / MOOD: Other

My new boss has started but i dont know if i should explain why i cant work sometimes and probably tonight of course i will leave some out of the information and just say im a but messed up in the head. If i tell her she can obviously see that ive cut myself maybe i should just lie and just make up an excuse any ideas anyone? It also looks worse seen as i work with broken glass and knives.

 

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DATE: May 29 2008, 7:32 pm / MOOD: Other

Today i went to my therapist again as i havent being in nearly a month but i was desperate to talk to someone. In the last week ive cut myself twice, being suicidal and when i try and talk to anyone i say the wrong thing.

So anyway i went and i told her how i was feeling and she thinks that it maybe a good idea to have the crisis team look on me everyday at my house. So i may take her idea on seen as i feel really sh*t, mind due i think we all have days like what i have this week.

I just need to stay positive and i know people are out there giving me some kind of support but im the only one that can make things better.

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DATE: May 19 2008, 5:24 pm / MOOD: Disappointed

Today i cut myself i know this is bad but i needed to as last night my whole family went out to someones celebration of life and we had to climb 32 stairs to get to the room i was not to bad but when i got there i started to have a panic attack so before it got to bad i went down the stairs and stayed ouside to get some water and to try and calm down. In the end my dad had to take me home and stayed at home with me. I feel like ive let down my family as last night wasnt about me but about someones life, why cant i just be normal for once, without fearing about everything. I knew i had to climb 32 steps but i thought i could do it, you see i have to look and check out every place before i go. I also feel like i mess up everyones life by saying the wrong thing and i make them hate me, im meant to phone my therapist but i cant. 

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DATE: Apr 01 2008, 10:20 am / MOOD: Don't know

ok i got up this morning and was feeling ok about things and then i went to the doctors, though on the way there it was pouring it down with rain so i had a painc attack thats the weirdest time to have a panic attack what am i scared of the rain? But anyway when i got to the doctors everything went fine. I then had to go and see the CHMT, before going i was feeling really happy and stuff and hadnt self harmed in 2 weeks and then she says this to me. i should talk to a clinical psyhcotrist seen as theres a self harming group coming up and to talk about getting involved with it. But the thing is that if i cant share to one person then how can i possibly talk to a group of people. Im also going to see a doctor that specialises in psychiatric medicines to try and persaude me to take anti depressents and to tell them all my fears about taking them.

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