Anxiety Self Help

i just cannot take the stress. i am 12 why do i have to worry about this stuuf always having to make everyone proud of me by going to school. its wayyy to hard for a person lik me with severe anxiety disorder mixed with stress to do this i need help i have a sychiyatrist (its probally spelt wronge) and a sychologist and medication (a very big dose too) and i still cant do it. i have emetophobia (phhobia of vomiting) and that is what my anxiety uses to get me anxious. im always nauseaus and feeling sick which makes me panic and have panic attacks cause of my emetophobia. my mom says she understands what im going through but her anxiety is just regular non severe stressed cause anxiety its my dad and grandma who gave me anxiety in the first place so i wish my mom would stop saying that . i am absent for another day of school and it makes me mad because i went through this last year but i got through it then this year life was good again up untillll about 3 weeks ago. anxiety was back! it pissed me off. i just wanna kill myself im so sick of this life. but no i cant kill myself cause that would be a selfish move. i just want it all gone! i hate my life cause i cant just have a wonderful life like most of my freinds who can go to the mall and not be anxious the whole time and have nooo stress or depression at all. i always ask god why why why the hell would you curse me with this WHY!?!?! i cant eat anything without asking "wwill this make me sick?????" i just wanna live my teenage life normally im tired of this.