Jun 03 2012, 11:27 am / Other
In the meeting this morning; It was a hard morning.. A good morning. Im telling the truth regardless of what others will think of me. I can take them or leave them, I don't care anymore.
Today I talked about war, Going to war, ending up in the grave... that I don't like societies.. .I don't... I told them the truth... I have no maturity. My life is ran through God. God is the maturity. I see through him. I am blind on my own. I am deft dumb and blind.. I am without natural capabilities to sustain myself.
I am a walking delusional history that replays itself all day long. I am never really here. God is here, as I am being tortured by the CPTSD...
I am the psychiatric class not the middle class. I have never been from anything that the regulars can define. I am hated by many people because they cannot get a hold on me. They try to tear me to pieces to keep their evil like style justified. Im afraid/they are afraid, when I show up and start talking, it puts people on the spot. Im being me. Im not attacking anyone personally.. Im talking to God when Im talking... This situation occurs everywhere.
Dishonest people that worship the system specifically hate me as I laugh at them and their insanity. The laughter is written all over my face, I don't have to say a word.. I have a sense of freedom and openness that comes from being broken, trusting God, relief from resentment work and gratitude for being alive one more day.
I am hated and ridiculed by the general middle public of this republic. I am a truth bill board; I cant help it..
I am a work in progress... One inch a month is a big deal..
However, I choose not to drink myself to death or go to war. Many moons ago I decided with an open mind to try something different.
I was smart enough to get rid of my resentments. I worked many years, one resentment at a time until I had a greater understanding of things, of societies and how they break people down and turn them into monsters or clones of the system.. Its not anyones fault; they were born into this. I was born into this.. No one knows how they are going to end up... The question is; what then?, If I don't like who I am, am I willing to be willing to go after the recovery work to change. Its an inside job, no one else will do ti for me. How can I ask the crazies in society to help me, when they are asking me for help... Who's going to save me.. Me and God and you, if I ask for help!!... or you can lead me to the right places for help.
The world is a zoo full of monkeys fighting over a single banana; I expect monkeys to take care of me!?, they cant take care of themselves!... its up to me to get to the safe places. . Its my recovery.. If I need help, I'll have to admit I have a problem; show up, ask for help.
The truth is good enough...