I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few
omnicell Male
51 years old
NorthWest Thorn city, Washington
United States

[ 2186 ]

Job: Other
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Religion: Christian
Orientation: Straight
Dating status: Confused
MEMBER SINCE: May 25 2012, 4:50 pm
STAR SIGN: Sagittarius
LAST LOGIN: Nov 27 2014, 9:42 am

Home made movies with people passing out and laughter

Wood music

The kind a child wants to crawl into and look around.

Books found in an old upright Clock from a Fairytale.

Nov 27 2014, 10:07 am
Nov 25 2014, 11:21 pm
Nov 18 2014, 6:33 pm
Nov 14 2014, 10:09 am
Nov 13 2014, 7:45 pm

P-Traumatic Stress Disorder

I do not know if I am suppose to be here or if Im doing things the right way or the wrong way: I don't know. I know that being on this site and getting feedback is helping a great deal.

My mind is beginning to return to me! How nice!

First, I am dyslexic. Im a very creative dyslexic. I cannot spell 80% of my words correctly. Grammar is none existent, therefore, do not expect anything from my writing except creative communications. I should be able to make my points of understanding. In addition, Im not writing a novel, I came here to dump my slop and get on with things... Take what you like and leave the rest.

1.1 I am not positive, I am real! I attempt to get honest for the sake of my recovery; you might find my writings offensive at times; prepare yourself.

1.2 I have lots of problems emotionally and mentally. Im much better then I used to be, However, do not expect much from me in regard to sanity. Your looking at the wrong person for a quite boat ride.

2. I suffer from dissociative disorder and long term PTSD. Sometimes my writing can sound violent and hateful. Im simply trying to get out my pain; is that not why Im here!~

3. I am here for the recovery process. I write allot of personal stuff and at times am quit immature. I stopped growing emotionally at age 12 to 14. Im attempting to catchup, its slow going..

4. At this point I talk allot about relationships. I have trust problems and I have to learn again how to get close.

And its not all about getting things fixed or relationships. Sometimes its about daily living and dealing with anxiety. Most of the time its all about anxiety!

I have found the above concepts to help speed the recovery process when writing..

If you get offended because of me or my writing, I am truly sorry. Im sure you are a nice person, and it was never about you!


Hated, that is the best disruption, discretion, description. intervened through death I prayed for less. I talked with God about you and others. I told him you didn't like me because I wasn't your kind of florescent mud pre-fabricated rondavel; the furniture didn't fit the decor. Painted windows are never as authentic as a rope hanging in front of the real thing.

I have Anxiety; and many other problems surrounding this particular identified.

I have to watch out for PTSD OVERLOAD! I cant think my way into a new way of living. I begin to write more deeply and then it turns radical and imbalanced. I will strip my account out and leave in frustration. Iv'e had this problem twice since Iv'e been on this site. I start writing things that are unrealistic or so black and white its coming more from my brain then the real world.

Bachelor degree Humanities/Business.

Im in a continual recovery process. I am exposed to those who do not know; God did this that I may receive honest feedback. This feedback allows the dissociative parts of my dysfunction ( over a long period of time), to dissolve.

This direct approach of bringing the unqualified into my personal space is not for everyone. It can be despicable and brutal as there is no social screening. Its a humiliating ordeal at best. I have to keep my mouth shut when around some of these sycophants. I am judged, made a fool of when they can, and treated like an outsider that has no ambition or direction and shuns work. With the pressures of being around the average kite flyer, I feel like Im dissolving; not the dissociative condition.

IT is working. I am waking up bits at a time. Im forced to wake up when confronting the average vampire. I must be aware of what is going on in front of me at all times...

Im attempting to walk a tightrope, I like walking it backwards, upside down, floating above it. I was never told " I cant", therefore, I walk with confidence.

Im like everyone else, no better, no worse. Im stuck on this crazy planet like the next bloke.

Over n Out

Dyslexic: cant spell my last name

My life is a therapeutic rondevu

My life is 2 things: Hiding and expression

Hobbyist Artist/Composer/Drummer: when the anxiety isn't triggering; ripping me to pieces..

The final goal is reconnection


Trusting how to make real friends? Hmmm... Does anyone know how to do this!!!

I love buying the following

1. Drums
2. Synthesizers
3. Mountain bikes and equipment
4. Telescope stuff
5. creative computer software updates... Yes!!!!!!!!!

broken things

Please don't judge me/ Im not your hobby

I know when they will hang themselves, I can see it in there eyes. I weep all night to God; if he's not going to save them; get me out of this place, get me off of this planet, I don't like it here, I want to go home.

I cant do anything about it or wont. I would rather go to God if I cant change things.. How can I live with myself when the world ignores the murdered. I will live here, don't expect me to like it!

Mountain biking
art creation
Attempting to talk to people
Ive never stole a hearse that didn't deserve it

omnicell has 42 friend(s)

Leave me a comment
Showing 5 of 92

From: delane
Nov 13 2014, 8:21 pm
Thanks for reading my far as bein honest goes: i have been--perhaps i haven't been quite as blunt and ugly as i can be, but i've tried to not be that way. i guess i was just hoping he'd get it--and back off--but, if he doesn't, it is inevitable. *sigh*
i hear ya, though.. Again, thank you for your input. Hope things are still continuing forward for you!!!


From: delane
Oct 30 2014, 10:51 am
Thanks for the comment....


From: delane
Aug 11 2014, 7:34 pm
Thanks for your input on my blog. i dunno what I'm gonna do or how I'm gonna get it all done, but, i can't keep staying in, hiding from the world, either. But, i do appreciate the input...


From: yudith
Jun 28 2014, 1:22 am
Besides nursing i like psychology but i lile bursing more. Nursing is something i like and enjoy. I dont think is hatd at all the only thing is hard for me is the English 1202 class. I hate writing essays im not god at it. As far as the actual courses of the program i find them easy. I love anatomy and psychology, pharmacology, chemistry, nutrition and microbiology. I even love math, history and government. I enjoy everything except the English clases :(


From: yudith
Jun 26 2014, 3:06 pm
I understand. I feel the same way anxiety destroys my dreams everytime. By now i should be finishing my nursing school or i should be about to start at least. I had a plan to go to the school and take my admissions test but my anxiety
got really bad and its still is bad. Dont k ow if i will ever be able to go and take that ttest. Without it i cant start nursing school. So im doomed. Most likely i wont get to go.