Jun 25 2007, 2:27 pm / Don't know
So this morning I got up at an unusual time (around 9AM), and started to get ready for my doctors (psychiatrists) appointment around 11:15AM. I get there, doing fine. In a good mood. The doctor had to step out so I'm waiting for about 20 minutes, still good mood (exept someone was playing with their phone and it was annoying me, not a good sign). Doctor calls me in, and as usual, I sit in the same chair as I always do, refusing eye contact (not abnormal). I'm still doing okay. But then, in the end of the session he starts talking to me about me finding reasons why I can't do small, simple things (go to the store, take a shower, clean my room). This didnt really piss me off, but something did! Because I became pissed. It started the first time the session was interrupted for another client. Then it got deeper when it happened again with another. What I think, is that I felt inefficient. By all means, I was NOT this high functioning even a year ago. But now everything I do my doctor calls "high functioning". This doesn't bother me unless a person, like a psychiatrist, who is suppossed to help you is dropping you like a hot potatoe because there are people in lower positions. Even the clerk, when leaving, asked me to sit down and close the door. Fine! I get it, people need his help more than I do. No problem, it makes sense! But am I any less than they are? Because I'm getting better? Do you want me to cut myself or become actively psychotic for you to be a psychiatrist for me? I think that's what pissed me off. I left, slammed the door behind me. I wish both my psychiatrist and clerk could see my hissy fit. I was being a baby, and still am. I'm just in that position right now, too "high functioning" for the "lower" and too "low functioning" for the "normal". This sucks. See, still in a hissy fit. Im such a jerk.
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