Anxiety Self Help

Today has been one of the most hellish than I can really remember.  It was a struggle all day long to not do something nuts and try to hurt myself.  I was lower than low. I was ready to end it all.  My husband cried a lot cause I couldn't tell him why I felt this way.  I don't really know at all.  It started last night, the whole pick on myself fest and it ended up leading to having to shut myself up in a closet and recenter myself.  I don't know why I got so out of control.  I realize I haven't had medicine in a while.  But this time it wasn't my choice.  I took the last script and fell out in blockbuster with a bad reaction.  Now I can't even in get in to see my doctor.  So I'm lost right now.  Absolutely lost.  I didn't even have any bit of faith today that the future would work itself out.  Now suddenly, I'm back to me (sorta, a lotta self loathing still going on). I just wish this disease didn't exist.

My Comments From: magikmanicpixie Jan 31 2007, 2:00 pm I really have felt the love from you all and I hope you know you have helped me feel better.  Today has been a better day.  I feel more bright eyed and bushy tailed.  Cause I have such bad and drastic mood swings, I know I could just be climbing another mountain to mania...maybe that's the problem.  Right now is like how I'd like to feel all the time.  It's when I'm racked with depression that I can't do anything I want to.  It's hard for me to pick up the phone in general.  Why should that be hard...to speak to a stranger.  But for me it is.  It just makes it THAT much harder when the people you feel like should be going out of their way to help you cause that's their job...are treating you with disregard.  I wish I knew how to handle this.  Now I'm stuck, paralyzed when trying to pick up the phone.  Scared someone else is gonna yell at me.  I tried to sign all the papers I could for my husband to be able to handle things like this, but they are just as rude to him and he gets the run around.  But you people, have been instrumental in making me feel like a human being again...thank you for your words and compassion.  You are all incredible!! From: SteffieStar Jan 30 2007, 2:52 pm Hi Sweetie, TELL YOUR DOCTOR YOU NEED TO SEE HIM ASAP!!!!  Don't let the girls at the front desk tell you....ohhh you can't see him for a week or month or whatever!!!   This is an EMERGENCY!!!  If you are on Meds then run out, coming off them can be nothing less than HELL ON EARTH!! (I've been there)  PLEASE get your meds Sweetie!!  TONS OF HUGSSS!  Steffie