Inkytoes             
 


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Blurgh.
DATE: Apr 12 2012, 3:17 am / MOOD: Sleepy

Today was okay. I felt anxious around 5pm and decided to go to a Zumba class. It was fun but towards the end I felt more nervous and then when it was over I was pretty shakey. I get really upset sometimes when I see other people enjoying these normal everyday things that it takes me such great energy to go and do. I also really want to lose weight. I feel like my self confidence sucks balls right now and I know if I physically felt great about myself, my mental health would improve a lot. As it is, I feel the most calm and happy when I'm at home knitting and reading like an old lady. I just want to have a fun life. One that I can enjoy. I try not to complain ever, but it really wears down on you.
The doctor said if I want I can up my dose of celexa from 40 mg to 60 mg but I dont know. Does anyone have experience with this? He didn't want me to up my clonopin because he said I might feel sedated the day after. Well, I guess this is where I try to sleep. Goodnight all.



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Dinner
DATE: Apr 07 2012, 8:46 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

Does anybody else get nervous around the aspect of dinner? I dont know why but I always get a tad jumpy when the subject comes up. Like I dont want to have to wait for anything to be delivered or go out anywhere so I end up just eating what I have at home..?



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So tired.
DATE: Apr 06 2012, 11:20 pm / MOOD: Sad

I'm just so tired of the ups and downs. The past few months have been brutal for me. Just so anxious. Tried out some different meds but they were met with horrible side effects. I'm hoping I can overcome this rough patch before I go back to school in the fall. Today I went to an acupuncturist and was freaking out the whole time. He wanted me to talk about my childhood abuse and it nearly set me over the edge. I'm scared to do the treatments because of what might come up emotionally. It could be very frightening. He said I had been stuffing down my pain and now it's coming to the surface. Especially lately, I am not working right now, and quit drinking 2 months ago. Ugh. I just feel drained and empty. Somebody tell me it will get better!



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