Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Apr 23 2012, 7:21 pm / MOOD: Mellow

I just wanted to come in and talk about how great I feel after a massage. I was super anxious this morning, and didn't know why. I knew I had to go to my massage therapist and I was super nervous about having a panic attack. I called my therapist while I was in the car and she stayed on the phone until I got there. Then I asked, "Should I go in?" and she said "I would think so!"
And just like it always is, I go in super anxious and a general wreck, and by the time it's over, I feel incredibly relaxed. Fully being able to eventually relax your body and let it feel the healing touch of a good masseuse is so beneficial, especially to those of us who have such issues relaxing. Touch and relaxation is about 200% more important for us because of the tension we create and endure on a daily basis. I would recommend it to you to schedule one asap. Love and peace, ~J

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DATE: Apr 22 2012, 4:03 pm / MOOD: Peaceful

So I'm waiting for a friend in jamba juice and I'm bored. I'm thinking about how right now my sex drive is through the roof and when that happens it stifles my anxiety a lot. I'm taking these Chinese herbs. Maybe that's what it is. It's like I want to jump on every attractive man I see! I have a lot of appointments next week and I'm nervous about them.

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DATE: Apr 20 2012, 3:35 pm / MOOD: Content

So I went to my first acupuncture treatment today. I didn't know what to expect, so mom came along for the ride. She put in about 20 needles all over (lots in my belly, and then put a heat lamp on it) and I waited anxiously while trying to relax, for about 25 minutes. Then she put these little seedlike balls inside my ear and pressed (very hard) until they stuck and told me to leave them in for 5 days. I thought she'd go through one of my piercings with those things, since I have 7 holes in each ear.
I def. feel a little calmer, but I'm not sure if it's from the acupuncture. I'm thinking maybe I'll go one more time just to see. She told me to eat papayas and pears, and that it's good that I'm not drinking anymore, since my liver is...something I forget. Aaaanyway that's done and I did it. After mom and I went for coffee and we laughed about all the needles that were in me and I took those bally thingies out of my ears because, well, they hurt and my ear was turning dark red.

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DATE: Apr 18 2012, 6:26 pm / MOOD: Impressed

I did it! I went to see my therapist all by myself! After, I felt so good I went grocery shopping and tanning! Yay! I listened to this the whole time...

 

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DATE: Apr 18 2012, 2:13 pm / MOOD: Anxious

My therapist told me I should drive myself to her office today (usually I have company and we've been communicating via the phone for awhile since she's been ill). I'm freaking out. It's only 4 miles away but it will be the first time I've gone to her alone and I'm just so scared I'll have a panic attack. If I don't go, I'll feel like a failure. I can't win! Help!

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DATE: Apr 17 2012, 2:30 pm / MOOD: Curious

Okay. My therapist told me I need to go somewhere today. I'm going to go to Starbucks and work from there. Off I go, fingers crossed!

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DATE: Apr 17 2012, 2:39 am / MOOD: Don't know

This November I turn 28. I've decided by then, this anxiety and panic needs to be in check. I'll try as hard as I can. Also, if the world doesn't end in December, I'm going to start a new life. The life I'm living now is so not me. I'm not this boring, scared person. I never was like this until these past few years. A change needs to happen and I know I need to make it happen. Ugh. If only everything could be good right this moment!

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DATE: Apr 15 2012, 8:05 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

It really pisses me off when people say to me "Well, you could change it if you wanted to". Like are you serious? I want nothing more than to change it. And I am trying. A friend of mine asked me today if maybe I was "not getting better" because I liked the attention?!?!?! WTF are you kidding me?! I'd much rather have zero attention and no anxiety any day. Besides, having panic disorder does not get you anymore attention than it does when you're "normal". The only difference is you have to pay a sh*tload for your therapy, meds, or whatever you need to get through it. I had to work out hard after that and I'm still pissed. Maybe after dinner I'll feel better. xo~J

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DATE: Apr 15 2012, 2:28 am / MOOD: Okay

Oh Weekends...
I always feel like I should be doing more, trying harder and pushing myself more on the weekends. Today I went tanning, to the farmer's market and to the gym. Which is good, considering I woke up with anxiety and really the last thing I wanted to do was go out. But at times like this, when my anxiety and panic are really bad, I'm just so hard on myself!
I find myself thinking "Yeah, I did this and that, but it'd be great if I could do this". I texted my shrink and she said she may be well enough to come back to work this next week, which is good news.
I took a nap at 7:30 which I shouldn't have done, because now I'll definitely be up all night, but I needed it. A package came this morning and woke me up Grrrr. And I've had no caffiene alllllll day.

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DATE: Apr 13 2012, 1:40 am / MOOD: Anxious

I always get anxious more so at night. I know I can't call and wake anybody else, and nobody else I know can converse with me throughout the night. My cats are always confused as to why the lights are always on. Haha.

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