Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Apr 28 2008, 3:34 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

Right,i've decided to have a bit of a rant cos i'm really,really frustrated at the moment.i don't expect anyone to read all of this,its just nice to get it off my chest.

it feels like everything's going wrong for me at the moment and i don't have any sort of future ahead of me.the one constant in my life is drawing comics.but,at the moment i can't draw for sh*t.no matter what goes wrong in my life the one thing i've always been able to count on is my art/drawing.i keep trying but,everything i draw is crap.i'm gonna try and take a break from it.

i've been having loadsa lil things going wrong aswell.they're pretty stupid lil things,but i'm so sensitive to things at the mo,that they're  getting to me.my car failed it's MOT so was outta comission for 2 weeks.just got it back and i lost my car keys for 3 days.found my car keys after they were found at a park and handed in at the post office and now i've noticed i've got a flat tyre.plus my scanner's playing up too.grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

my car having a flat tyre means i can't go and buy the new GTA game tomorrow either(although,it's probably gonna be sold out everywhere anyway).this was one of the only things to cheer me up recently(other than my friends). gggggrrrrrrrrrrraaaaa!!!!!

it's weird at the moment.i'm so sensitive.it dosn't take much to put a smile on my face,but at the same time one lil thing goes wrong and i'm down again.

i'm so frustrated.i think i'm ready to get on with my life.i'm fed up of feeling sorry for myself.i'm fed up with sulking.sitting in my room on my own feeling like crap.i wanna move on.meet people,have fun,live a little.but,i just don't know how to go about changing my life.i know it sounds bad,but i wish my dad was more of a dad to me.i know my dad loves me but,all my life i've needed guidance and never got it.i feel like i could do so much if i just had a bit of guidance and support.a push in the right direction.my parents just ignore me and moan about the fact i'm 25 and still living at home.i know i shouldn't blame my parents,but there we go.i said it.

i really hope i have a good summer.i'm just gonna try and chill for the summer with friends.get a full time job in september.i wanna have fun.i'd love to meet a girl too,but i think wanting that too much makes things worse.also,it can stop you just having fun with friends.if a girl happens to come along and she's insane enough to spend more than a minute with me that would be nice.but,i'm not gonna think about it too much.

my crappy life at the moment has been made so much easier with the help of my friends.they don't realise it and i won't tell so,but i love 'em to bits.

if you read all of this thank you.you really didn't have to.

 phew.i feel a lot better now.if something else goes wrong i'll be back.lol

double peace!! 

 

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DATE: Apr 26 2008, 7:00 am / MOOD: Frustrated

well,i didn't go to work last night.i don't really feel too bad about it.i've managed to stick at my other job for quite a while now so,i guess working in a club just wasn't for me.i think maybe i pushed myself a lil too far.i am a bit frustrated with myself,but i'm gonna try not to let it get me down.

one thing that is getting me down though is my total lack of motivation.i don't know what's wrong with me right now.i just have no motivation to do anything.getting a job,meeting people,drawing comics.

i havn't done any decent drawing in a couple of months now.which for someone that wants to be a comic artist is a pretty big deal.idea's are flowing but,when it comes to sitting down and actually drawing i just can't do it.it's like i'm scared of drawing at the moment.pretty stupid i know,but that's the only way i can describe it.it's really starting to get on my tits.

i want to get on with my life.i wanna do things,but i just don't know how to do it.i don't have the motivation by myself. 

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DATE: Apr 25 2008, 2:50 pm / MOOD: Disappointed

okay,it's a coupla hours before my second shift at the club as a barman.i really don't wanna go.

my first shift on tuesday went pretty well,but for some reason i'm finding the second shift tricky.i don't even know quite why i don't wanna go.i don't feel particulary anxious (not compared to my first shift). but,i really,really don't wanna go.maybe it's because it's friday night and i wanna chill out and relax,rather than go work in a busy club serving drunks drinks all night til 4 in the morning.

i really don't know what to do.i'd be really dissapointed in myself if i didn't go,but it's just a sh*tty job.i want a normal full-time job rather than all these lil crappy things i do.why can't i just find a full time job i can stick to.am i just a lazy bum?

the club job also clashes fairly often with my current job,which is making me anxious and stressed.i just don't know what to do.i'm so frustrated.grrrrr

i hope some of you guys can gimme some advice before my shift starts.at the moment i've pretty much decided i'm not going.

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DATE: Apr 23 2008, 5:03 am / MOOD: Happy

had my first shift as a barman in a club last night.i been worrying about it all week in the run up to it,but it went really well.

 it's a lil club i bath called moles.its not your usual club.it's got it's own sorta style.its a club i used to frequent a few years ago when i was single.i decided to get a job there after becoming single again recently.all my friends are hooked up so i decided i needed to boost my social side.

i really was pretty scared,but i used all my lil techniques to calm myself down.which helped.although considering how anxious i was (more than i've been for years) once i got there it never really affected me.

this was a really good test for me.i havn't pushed myself much lately and i been getting lazy,so my anxiety's been creepying in.i've got a shift on friday which should be good.

i'm really glad i had the guts to do this.it makes other things seem a lot less scarey.

i've realised that anxiety is something i have to face on a regulary basis.trying to avoid it just makes things worse.the more i push myself and put myself in anxious situations the more i get used to the anxious feelings and the higher my confidence builds.it really isn't that scarey in the end.

now,i just need to find the courage to talk to women.but,that's a whole different ball game.lol 

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DATE: Apr 03 2008, 9:09 am / MOOD: Frustrated

okay.i've only been on this site for a couple days now and i'm finding it a really nice place to hang out.i'm currently house bound.having no job and sitting around all day is making me anxious,so i would like some ideas for ways for me to 'get out there' if anyone has any.i wanna meet people and gain some confidence.

it's scary for me to push my bounderies,but i realised a long time ago you have to do it.my catchphrase is 'just do it!'

i'm gonna blog my progress as i go.hopefully to get support from you guys and maybe give other people on here some strength to try it themselves.

 thanks.

 

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