DATE: Mar 24 2011, 12:24 am / MOOD: Curious
Has anyone tried Seredyn? I see the ads for it on this site and it seems like its too good to be true....anyone have an experience with this "all natural" medication?
View Entry | Leave A Comment
DATE: Mar 23 2011, 7:54 pm / MOOD: Anxious
I have figured out that my anxiety starts to come on whenever I am anticipating something...like a doctors/dentist apointment or something even smaller such as knowing I will be leaving work soon to go home. I think its the change in scenery that really gets to me....I hate change and I like things to always be the same. I like things to be organized in my day and I dont like deviating from the plan.
I live alone and sometimes it really helps to have nobody here when I am having an anxiety/panic attack because it means I dont have to worry about anyone or take care of anyone. But on the flipside I get anxiety because I am alone at home and worry that I am going to die alone LOL
So I guess its a lose lose sorta situation....I need to think of a way to stop feeling so anxious when its time to start a new task or leave to go home. Any suggestions?
View Entry | Leave A Comment
DATE: Mar 13 2011, 1:09 am / MOOD: Don't know
So Friday and today I have had little to no anxiety at all. When my anxiety started to tap me on the shoulder I was able to quickly swat it away and continue with my day.
Of course each night going to bed I feel a touch of anxiousness because Im afraid I will wake up in the morning with anxiety.
I kept my guard up very well the past couple of days and now I let my guard somehow and I am feeling the beginnings of anxiety again.
Today its a bump on my tongue that my mind absolutely tells me is cancer and I should be concerned. I do smoke and am trying to quit but for so long smoking has been my coping.....I need to find a replacement.
Constantly worrying about cancer and dying is new for me...in the past it has usually focused on other things. Im terrified of the dentist and I had a lot of dental work that needed to be done because I kept putting it off. So I was obsessing and checking and having anxiety about my teeth all day long. It got to the point that I was checking my teeth up to 50 times a day making sure I didnt crack a tooth and making sure all my teeth were all ok. I conquered my fear and got all my dental work but one cavity filled and the anxiety about that went away.
I think my mind copes with things by obsessing and checking and rechecking. I know I am having anxiety about smoking because I know its harmful to me.
Before I obsessed about my teeth it was about having to use the restroom in public. I dont mind going #1 but #2 in public or bathrooms that are not my own causes extreme panic and anxiety.
I know I need to quit smoking but I also know that once I do my mind will continue to find other things wrong with me.
It feels so depressing and scary to think I will have to constantly battle this anxiety....Im ready to stop being scared and ready to start living.
My anxiety first showed its self when I was 7. I was spending the night at a friends house and my friends dad told us in a rough voice to pick up the bedroom. And next thing I knew I had a stomach ache. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to cry and just go home. I called my mom and my mom picked me up and as soon as I got home my stomach ache went away and I was fine.
This same anxiety about spending the night at other peoples house continued on to my nanas house and I had anxiety staying there also. Still to this day I cant spend the night at anyones house. This has caused problems in my relationships because I get anxiety attacks when I have to spend the night at my inlaws house. My exhusbands family lives in Chicago and I never went with to visit them because I knew I would be spending the night at there house.
So I guess I have been dealing with anxiety in some form since I was 7. It has truly ruled my life...and I dont know how it got this bad.....I dont know how I could have alloweed myself to let it get this bad. I feel very ashamed about it. Why cant I just spend the night, or take a crap in public places and stop having anxiety.
I dont feel like I have lived my life.
I recently had a classmate pass away...Im only 27. This is the 8th classmate to die and Im realizing now that at any point I could die, and this terrifies me.
I have known a lot of people who have had cancer and a few that have died from it......Im so afraid I will give myself cancer by smoking. Even if I quit I will have the anxiety of knowing I may later get cancer.
View Entry | Leave A Comment
DATE: Mar 09 2011, 6:25 pm / MOOD: Anxious
Brand new to this and am praying that this helps me....it feels like im in freefall and nothing can help me...its exhausting and Im tired of feeling this way.
Decided to write a blog after being told its the best way to meet new people because I dont know anybody else in my life that has anxiety as much as I do.
I work a 9-5 m-f job and was told the other day that my performance is lacking and that I need to fix it or be fired. I explained I have anxiety attacks and panic attacks and my boss is very understanding....but I see where my company is coming from...I need to stop being so damn proud and stubborn and get some help.
I always used to think that it would just go away. If I just waited it out long enough, if I just made better choices, if I stopped my OCD...the list goes on and on.
I removed so much from my life and I still have anxiety....thought eating healthier, loosing 50lbs, getting divorced, trying new things, living on my own, getting all my dental work taken care of would remove all my anxiety...but after all of this has been removed I left with the only thing left to have anxiety and panic about, which is my health.
I constantly feel like Im dying.....every cough means I have lung cancer, every bump on my tongue means cancer, every back pain means kidney failure ...the list goes on.
I have tried taking antidepressents, xanax and a bunch of diff meds and NONE OF THEM HELP!
I havent had the easiest life but I definitly havent had the worst...I know people who have gone thru 10x the amount of stuff I have gone thru and they arent living in there own mental prison.
As a kid I was always scared of new things and of change. And I was tought that when you are scared of something you face your fear and conquer it...so I did...but how do you conquer and face anxiety?? Ya I know I can sit there and let theterror overwhelm me, but I literally sit there for hours waiting for it subside and usually it never does....I had anxiety and panic attacks everyday for 2 weeks....this is going on my 3rd week....thankfully this week I have had a few days of little anxiety and some moments of no anxiety but it keeps coming back. Like right now...I had bronchitis and was coughing so much and it took forever to get better and then I see Serena Williams rushed to the hospital for pulmonary issues and I freak out about it....Im literally sitting at work doing a mental check of all the sign and symptoms....but of course my mind cant just do a once over and say "nope Robyn you dont have any of those. You arent having shortness of breath, faintness, chest pains followeed with more severe pains when breathing deeply"......no my mind has to check again and again and again all day long....I sat there every 5 minutes breathing deeply to be sure I didnt have pain.
And of course because I was coughing so much my ribs were hurting and felt bruised so I started obsessing about that. And of course in my mind this meant I was dying....I had something horribly wrong with me and I was going to never see my family and my boyfriend again. I was doing good with not obsessing for the past 2 days but today I felt my ribs and it hurt to touch it in one part and now I have spent the past 4 hours terrified...I have tried deep breathing, putting my head down, singing, browsing the web all to get my mind off of this.
I have tried websites for anxiety in the past and they have been too helpful...but I notice after writing this huge novel lol that I feel better now....my anxiety is lowered and now im just crying LOL
So far I have received a huge amount of support on this site and im excited to see how many people I can meet and talk too....because I really do need some support....im admitting defeat and that I dont need to be ashamed of myself for having anxiety. MY NAME IS ROBYN AND I HAVE ANXIETY!
Things can only look up from here!
View Entry | Leave A Comment