Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Feb 06 2010, 5:23 pm / MOOD: Tired

Went to my niece's shower today.  She is only 16 but we are all going to be there for her.  I do not get out much, but there are important events you just have to attend as they mean so much to the family.  It was great to see my sister and my mom and my nieces.  My niece has bipolar but, like I said, one thing wonderful about the family that God blessed me with is...are full of compassion and support, no matter what the situation.  I feel drained as I do not go out much, but it was great to be there for her.  Don't care to drive in the winter very much but the weather and the traffic were not too bad.  Glad to get in some PJs later and watch a movie and just relax.  I know that I need to get out more, do not know why it is so hard for me.  I used to be someone so very socialiable at one time...but sometimes I think back and think that I did it more for them than myself.  I do enjoy being at home...that is just who I am.  Home with the pups, lizards, cats and my son.  Feels great. IT took me along time to not feel guilty about being everywhere for everyone, but I took it a bit too far and end up staying home as much as possible.

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DATE: Jan 12 2010, 3:00 pm / MOOD: Happy

Okay, I just want to take the time to thank all of the people on the tribe.  It is so nice to have a place to go to, even if you are just reading what someone is giong through and you realize...I am not alone.  I cannot believe the beautiful gifts that are unwrapping in front of me.  My son's artwork despite all his pain is like having a new piece of magic in our home with each new painting.  I feel like it is Christmas here...as he paints through the night.  I never know what to expect when he wakes up.  I am glad he has shared some of his work on the tribe.  My animals, too, along with my family, friends, God, the tribe...keep me going, keep me believing.  I felt a thanks was overdue.

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DATE: Nov 10 2009, 10:06 am / MOOD: Frustrated

I thought I was feeling better today, but my son is not.  He has not been sleeping.  So frustrating to have us both suffer from this.  He is missing classes and that worries me.  Well, I hope everyone has a good day today.  I am not sure what direction my life is going.  I dread winter....so much...unless everyone could stay in or have days off when it is too dangerous to drive but that is not how Wisconsin employers work.  Seems to get more stressful as I age.  Tooooo many car accidents.  Well, at least there is no snow today.  We have had snow in November.  I hope that my son is able to make some of his classes today.  I know how hard it is to get started especially when you cannnot sleep.  I hate to send him, but I hate for him to be even in a bigger hole with what he misses.  Missing three hour art studio time is a big problem.  Just wish somehow life could ease up on him.  That is my prayer.

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DATE: Nov 02 2009, 9:07 am / MOOD: Mellow

Hey everyone, hope Halloween was okay.  We had an okay weekend.  This is the first house that I have lived in where there were trick or treaters.  It made me very sad and excited.  We have lived in the country for most of my son's life and there was only a party at school, no trick or treat.  I have waited for this moment, now he is 19.  I saw the families out there and all the cut customes, actually having someone come to my door and it filled me with so many emotions.  This is the neighborhood that I wished I would have raised him in.  There were flocks and flocks of kids and parents, happy faces.  My son hid in his art studio, I think it is hard to the person on the outside looking in or vice versa.  He was invited to a Halloween party and I was so anxious as he has a history of car accidents and I knew there would be drunk drivers.  At the same time, he finally was invited, which is so rare, how could I hold him back?  Luckily I found a friend that would take 20.00 and do the driving to ease my mind (he does drive himself to school) and we had nothing for a custome and so he came up with going as Robert Smith from The CURE.  He looked great, although his hair is a lot longer and blond.  But we did the make up pretty well and I took pictures, an event we just have missed over the years.  I was nervous, but again, he had a safe driver.  I think he had fun.  Everything that just seems like normal happy events for people has always come with pain for us...but this one was better.  It took everything out of him and he was sick the next day with a stomach ache from party food (he is a vegetarian and not a junk food eater), so not much homework got done.  He is super thin, so we really struggle to keep weight on him.  Well, enough blabbing.  I pray everyone has a good day or that there are moments of the day that are good.  I am trying to look for happy moments not happy days and be more realistic...like if my dog does something silly or if I even hear my son laugh once...I embrace it.

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