Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Aug 24 2011, 2:00 pm / MOOD: Content

hey anxiety tribe ive been feeling a lil jaded lately but not totally down i even managed to go to a gig on monday and it was f@cking amazing i went to see a band ive loved since i was a teen called leftover crack and that that just made my night it was the people i was with and the gig i was at i still have the ticket stub lol it was f@cking amazing i have to go to more gigs, i spent half the gig being self concious and over worried but it all worked out, everytime i go to a gig i make myself promise myself ill try even by my self because alot of the bands i like my friends dont lik,i still cant shake this horrible feeling but i feel ok like is pretty good anyways thats enough babbling

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: Jun 21 2011, 3:03 pm / MOOD: Disappointed

we have a dog and untill tonight she's tested my patience but not pushed me past it but she ended up biting my ear pretty badly and making it bleed and its pissed me of ive tried so hard to train this f@cking dog and keep her inline but its just not working and basically i got all angry and said f@ck it get rid of the dog or ill f@cking kill it :| i was that pissed of and thats not like me i dont get angry at animals but she's just pushed me too far and its not even my dog! its the family dog but she's mental and she's still quite young like only 4 months so im thinking now is the best time to really sort it out like someone with a decent sized house and a garden can look after her we have none of that and i feel like a cunt a horrible cunt, i dont get angry at animals i love animals but that was the final straw and now i feel like a horrible person because i want to rehome her and my mum still wants her but she isnt training her she's spoiling her and thats worse for her and she doesnt get it its so f@cked up i cant wait to move i hate all this sh*t and my mum is a f@cking twat with everything i love her but sometimes i just hate her and i hate feeling like that but i love her to pieces just sometimes i wish she used her f@cking brain.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: Jun 20 2011, 7:42 am / MOOD: Excited

ive been feeling pretty good lately ive barely been drinking apart from on saturday i let myself down then with booze but still live goes on and im doing pretty good in general, im planning on moving late this year so ive got to start job hunting, im planning on moving down south on the coast so should be great and the rents really cheap so all in all not doing so bad just gotta keep trying anywho just thought id leave a short blog ive gotta get ready for work.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: Jun 02 2011, 12:50 pm / MOOD: Mellow

so ummm well i dunno ive been feeling pretty sh*tty lately so i havent wanted to come on here to whine and at the time i just felt god awful and didnt even want to leave my bed and whenever i did it was just to get more booze, basically i decided to stop talking the one person i actually talk to about things she means the world to me but we didnt speak for a while and i just thought f@ck it she's busy its about time i move on and get on with my life, but the thought of that made me so unbelievably depressed i havent felt that way in a long time i was just i dunno i cant describe it i felt like someone just died....but we sorted things out....but it pisses me of that i can get that way over one person....i even explained to her that i kept on trying to tell myself that i dont need anyone and i was just trying to think as negatively about her as i could and that was too easy just because i wanted it to be i just wanted to justify my stupidity i guess....anywho its my birthday soon well on saturday to be exact and my lil brother bought me a guitar and gave it to me early because him and my other youngest brother are going to there aunts this weekend so he wont be around on my birthday....and i was shocked he's only 11 and he bought me a guitar i almost cried he basically said well you know i love you loads and you mean alot to me and i know you wanted a new guitar.....this guitar is going to be with me forever its not an amazing £20000000 guitar or an amazing make but i dont care to me its the greatest guitar ever made and i told him that even when i get more pricey guitars ill still pick that guitar up more tis my pride and joy its the nicest most thoughtfull thing anyones ever done for me.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 23 2011, 6:20 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

ive been awake since 8am and ive done nothing productive to get me out of this rut i havent even touched my C.V/resume dependant on where your from, today so alot of good that does with looking for a new job the most productive thing ive done all day is go to work and that was f@cking terrible i cant stand this sh*t hole, my sh*t job and lack of social f@cking common sense im just terrible with people, i think thats part of why im jaded i just dont know how to be normal around people not even my own family i dont know who i can be normal around, ive been thinking about seeing a shrink but im not sure everyone ive seen has been a useless over paid ear that have offered me such helpfull hints such as....try talking to people more....trying going out more....try drinking less....excersise more....i know all this for f@cks sake and im trying but nothing feels any different, ive been taking the puppy out loads and im not sure if thats helping my lil brothers keep on asking me if they can come with me but my anxiety is high enough just by myself and that gets me down because i want to do things like that with them i allways think ahhh ill bring the munchkins to london then when it gets to the day my anxiety kicks in and i let them down.... i cant stand it i cant stand letting them down or myself....i just feel f@cking useless in all aspects of life

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 17 2011, 1:51 pm / MOOD: Don't know

i keep on finding it hard to type down my thoughts ive never really opened up or shared anything so it just keeps on feeling tougher and tougher to do it, ive opened up to a shrink and thats about it but now im really doubting how much all that sh*t really helped like we all take our lumps in life then just count our bruises and get on with it, im not sure how much me whining is really helping,life just seems to scare me its been five years since ive had a girlfriend and that was a f@cking messed up relationship its been more than 5 years since ive had a social life, i dont really know what i want anymore all i know is i want to grow personally and just be the best person i can be and start thinking with my heart more than just trying to rationalize everything but i find it so hard to stop thinking and worrying, i just feel useless all the time and feeling like this scares me there's been times in my life that ive almost died and its never bothered me i just kinda thought f@ck it we all gotta die sometime and if me choking on my own puke is the way im going then fine then i remember about my family and my little brothers and i allways manage to snap out of it and turn things around,i think i just get too caught up in being depressed and i stop trying....i just have to keep trying

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 14 2011, 7:16 pm / MOOD: Sad

another day and another f@cking gut wrenching feeling ive allready ruined my not drinking or smoking pot thing and i only started it yesterday.....im f@cking hopeless

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 11 2011, 2:35 pm / MOOD: Mellow

ive been pretty jaded lately but i dunno man its no biggie i feel ok now i even went out to a mates place and had a great time and im glad i went out lol so things arent miserable and horrible i feel ok just been a lil down if that makes sense, like theres just been times ive felt completely f@cking miserable but ive been feeling atleast ok for the majority, the sky is really beautifull tonight and that allways cheers me up im just happy to stare at it for hours, ive been thinking about going travelling at the moment i cant aford it but its definately something i want to do and something to keep me focused, f@ck getting a car and new tv stuff i just want to see the world ive been thinking i want to buy a guitar from every country i go to ^_^ my two loves seeing the world and music i love playing guitar even just holding one is comforting so anywho thats my plan i really need to be productive tomorrow and apply for jobs and do a few other stuff, anyways thats my lil blog and sorry whoever is reading this that its pretty boring lol anywho

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 07 2011, 1:06 pm / MOOD: Okay

ive been feeling pretty crappy the past few days but ive been trying to cheer myself up....its just that i feel like ive failed myself by smoking so much pot in such a short time on the plus side i have been thinking about excersise alot lately and generally just getting out more so i think at the moment i should cut down alot on pot and just smoke it when i feel seriously jaded and just f@cked, im going to my friend alices place tomorrow and im kinda looking forward to it but dreading it at the same time her riend lara is going to be there and she just terrorizes people for fun....she's the only expect im hating lol but she might be lovely so f@ck it, anywho ive had a boring arse day but i think writing all of my bullsh*t thoughts down helps a lil, we're such weird creatures anywho sorry for the boring update but i think im going to start writing a bit more on here, one thing i really do miss is writing lyrics but i doubt ill put any up here but that and poetry really did help anywho whoevers reading this thanks for reading

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: May 01 2011, 11:27 am / MOOD: Other

ive kinda been feeling like i want to be alot more social lately but ive been letting myself down by smoking pot i really have to quit but on the plus side ive seen a few gigs i want to go to so atleast ill be going to a few gigs and stuff to be honest just going out somewhere makes me feel alot better but when im stoned the last thing i want to do is go out so ive got to quit and quit drinking too then ill stand a better chance of just getting out and being more social so for now im going to try to only smoke pot at night and then reduce it to every other night and just give up eventually, we got a puppy a few days ago so im also thinking that taking her for walks every day will do me alot of good just having to go out everyday will do me some good, sometimes i dont think i'd leave the house if i didnt have to go to work but still i've just got to get out more and im sure that things will work out anywho sorry for babbling

View Entry | Leave A Comment