Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Sep 25 2010, 4:45 am / MOOD: Disappointed

I'm sitting on my bed in my hotel room feeling down and depressed and disappointed, I'm so alone and ain't got nobody to rely on despite all the mental crap I gotta deal with ,yesterday I was listening to the radio they were interviewing Tim Page(I didn't know him before he's a famous music critic)about his book parallel's play about a mental disorder called asperger's syndrome when they talked about the symptoms I was so surprised ,that was me!! crapppp I'm wondering how many more undiagnosed mental disorders I've got and ain't even aware of them while I can't even get in therapy cuz of my complicated circumstances and if I did I'd prolly have to work hard and try to overcome em for the rest of my life ,will I ever have a normal life??I mean sh*t my best years are already gone down the drained stuck in a room in that f*cked up country I'm a 25 year old guy yet my very basic needs are remained unmet blah blah those of you who know me prolly have heard this story one million times ,so I moved here like 10 days ago to figure something out and get the hell outta that sh*thole forever and ever ,the person who was supposed to help me for an amount of money stole my money I went to UN to get help I'll officially be a refugee soon and will have to stay in a small town here for at least a year while there reviewing my case I gotta find a job there when I get there which is so hard for me cuz I don't know their language, it'll prolly take em a while to send me there ,I'm running outta money but I won't wanna call home and ask them to send me more money NOOOO I WON'T DO THAT!!!! I don't even eat enough to save money but I'am ready to face anything I mean anything I'm sick and tired and ain't got nothing else to lose.

will i ever break free from this vicious cycle I'm stuck in?? I've done my best to better my life despite all the mental sh*t I've to deal with but they all backfired I need to be in an stable environment and get in therapy but I need to get better to be able to move to such a place I'm soooooo overwhelmed and my heart is broken ,why don't I  just end it all?? I know life is tough and everyone got issues but I got too much sh*t on my platter I'm a strong person and have already came a long way and accomplished alot!! but sh*t idk what else to do anymore



anyways here's an article about AS :





Asperger syndrome or Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.



Asperger syndrome is named after the Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger who, in 1944, described children in his practice who lacked nonverbal communication skills, demonstrated limited empathy with their peers, and were physically clumsy.Fifty years later, it was standardized as a diagnosis, but many questions remain about aspects of the disorder.For example, there is doubt about whether it is distinct from high-functioning autism (HFA) partly because of this, its prevalence is not firmly established. It has been proposed that the diagnosis of Asperger's be eliminated, to be replaced by a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder on a severity scale.



The exact cause is unknown, although research supports the likelihood of a genetic basis; brain imaging techniques have not identified a clear common pathology. There is no single treatment, and the effectiveness of particular interventions is supported by only limited data. Intervention is aimed at improving symptoms and function. The mainstay of management is behavioral therapy, focusing on specific deficits to address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness.Most individuals improve over time, but difficulties with communication, social adjustment and independent living can exist and continue into adulthood. Some researchers and people with Asperger's have advocated a shift in attitudes toward the view that it is a difference, rather than a disability that must be treated or cured



you can read more about it on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

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DATE: Sep 01 2010, 6:20 am / MOOD: Lonely

finally i got to talk to my mom about what she did to me when I was a kid my parents both abused me physically,emotionally,verbally. I had tried to tell her about it before but whenever I tried to I'd get mad and start yelling even once she told me that I'm lying and she never did any of those but it was different this time she accepted it and said she's so sorry for that  ,it made me feel a lil bit better I never got to talk to my jackass father though as a matter of fact he never talked to me even for 5 minutes in my whole life ,he used to beat the crap outta me when I was a kid anyways maybe my mom apologized cuz she knows I'm moving to another country soon I was gonna just disappear and forget about them but ever since she apologized I feel you know guilty she still tries to manipulate me and I know she ain't proud of me cuz I'm not what she expected me to be but she haven't given up on her dreams gahh am I responsible for her happiness?? why doesn't she accept me just the way I am?? she still don't understand me she never tried to, did I diappoint her?? I have every right to live my life the way I want it?? my dad don't give a sh*t at all but maybe my mom is the one who have to change?? but she's too old I don't expect her to ,ughhh I don't know what to do :(

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DATE: Aug 28 2010, 2:03 pm / MOOD: Sad

i'm moving to another country in a week or so and there's no friken way I can take dimebag with me so I've been looking to find someone who'd wanna keep him since last month cuz my folks wouldn't wanna keep him I found someone and they were supposed to come over today and take him but they didn't I called them earlier they said they can't keep him I thought I had found someone who would take a good care him for me he'd have more room there f@ckkkkkkkk ughh i had to take him out and let him go somewhere in the neighborhood it was painful and heartbreaking cuz he was crying and shaking poor dimebag was scared I hope he get used to living out there soon and other cats or people don't hurt him (yep people are f@ckin nuts where I live) I feel like crap but didn't know what else to do my heart is broken why everything's so f@cked up for me

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DATE: Aug 13 2010, 4:11 am / MOOD: Excited

I sang a song and made a video so i decided to post it on here no matter how sh*tty it is, I give myself credit for that cuz you know a couple of years ago i hated my own voice and whenever i talked to my friends on the phone and there was an echo i'd hang up ,i hated my own voice when I talk(SA and low self esteem) let alone trying to sing, record it and show it to all my friends yay for me :) btw i wanna thank justin for uploading it for me on FB cuz FB is blocked here and I gotta open it through a proxy which is so slow it takes me forever to even upload a pic ,it even took me 8 hours to upload it on rapidshare and I tried for 3 days to do it cuz my internet is so slow and it kept gettin cut off thanks bro I appreciate it :)

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