Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Jan 26 2012, 11:07 am / MOOD: Excited

It's my birthday today!!! I am in a good mood and I am going to make everyone spoil me today :) Later today after class my husband is taking me to Zios (an Italian restaurant) and I might go shopping. We might have to visit Galaxy cupcakes too! They had the best mini chocolate cheesecakes the other day, maybe they still have some. Well, I just wanted to share my good mood with everyone! I hope you all have a fabulous day and that today for once everything goes your way :)

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DATE: Jan 24 2012, 1:30 pm / MOOD: Okay

So, I have been feeling really good lately. I haven't had too much problem with my anxiety or my depression for the most part. I thought maybe I could phase myself off of my antidepressants because I have been feeling good for a while. Well, I forgot to take them for several days and yesterday the depression grabbed a hold of me again. I am feeling better today, but yesterday was definitely an off-day. It makes me feel a little depressed and disappointed because I thought I was doing all this great positive work on my own and now I just feel like it's the antidepressants keeping me this way. I want to get off of my current antidepressants (or switch) because of some side effects that I do not like, but I also don't want to go back to being a zombie. Have you ever had that feeling that you just want to lie in bed and give in to the depression and self-pity and just eat and cry and not try to fight it anymore? That's how I felt yesterday. Anyway, I start my group therapy again soon. Which I did last semester as well and I think it really helped. Also, I was sick last week so I didn't keep up on my exercise which probably didn't help either. I am trying to think of it as just an off-day and not the onset of another bout of depression. I really don't have time for that right now :) And I am feeling better today :) So, that's the ramble. Hope everyone is taking care of themselves.

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DATE: Jan 07 2012, 10:33 am / MOOD: Okay

So, school starts back up on Monday. I am kind of excited because it's my last semester and then I will graduate in May :) I think this semester will be easier than the last one too, so that makes me hopeful that it will go well. Although the first couple of days are always overwhelming because you get all your syllabi and see everything you have to do for the entire semester and it can certainly be overwhelming and anxiety-producing. Luckily, I know people in all of my classes, so that helps a little with the anxiety as well. I am certainly not looking forward to getting up so early again though :( I live an hour away from my university so I have to get up extra early to get ready and travel to my morning classes. But only one more semester right?! Well, I do have to take one summer course, but that shouldn't be a big deal.

 

 

I am kind of getting anxious about applying for graduate school though. I did manage to send emails out to the individuals that I asked to do recommendation letters for me, but other than that I have not filled out the application or sent for my transcripts or anything. I really need to get on that, but I don't know why I keep putting it off. I am pretty sure I will be accepted, so it's not that I am worried about that, but for some reason I am just dreading getting all of that stuff together. Anyway.....

 

 

I might be doing another group counseling thing this semester, which I am excited about. Last semester my group really helped out a lot, maybe even more than my individual counseling. At the same time I am trying not to get my hopes up because I know that it can never be the same as it was.

 

 

I am a little worried because it turns out my husband is going on a mission soon for two months, though they said it might get extended to 90 days. I sure hope not, because I really really want him to be here for my graduation or I will be really upset. I don't get upset about much, but this is a big day that I have been working toward what feels like forever and I really want him to be able to be there. Hopefully everything works out.

 

 

Also, I know this is going to sound odd, but I am a little worried because I am feeling good right now and I feel like I have a handle on my anxiety and depression for the moment. I get nervous sometimes when this happens because either 1) I am waiting for it to "attack" me again, and you never know when this will happen or 2) I get to thinking that I am rid of it and then when it comes back it depresses me even more than before to discover that nope, it's still there. I am trying to be positive about it though and just hang on to the good feeling as long as I can.

 

 

Okay, I know this was a long ramble, but thanks for listening :)

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DATE: Dec 30 2011, 12:03 am / MOOD: Tired

Ugh, the frozen north and/or my brother-in-law has made me sick (as well as the hubby). I feel like I accomplished nothing today except for sleeping and I am still tired! Last night I went to bed early, but then I was up at 1:30 in the morning. My sleep schedule is going to be all out-of-whack. It is really hard to eat when you can only breathe out of your mouth, lol.

Speaking of eating, I don't know if this weight watchers thing is going to work out for me. I know it's only been two days, but it makes me feel bad about myself and guilty for wanting to eat. Plus, I can't do much activity right now because just breathing is laborious. Maybe it will get better when I am well again and I can walk and get back to exercising.

I need to order my textbooks for this upcoming semester as well as get some things in order. Since we were gone for a week-ish, I need to vacuum and do laundry etc. but I have no energy or motivation to do anything right now except sleep and lay around. I hate feeling like I am being lazy, but I am just so drained of energy right now. I also feel like a wimp because it's just a head cold, it's not like I have the flu or malaria or something :) Oh well, maybe I will feel better tomorrow. Thanks for listening :)

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DATE: Dec 28 2011, 2:29 pm / MOOD: Sleepy

Hello Everyone! I am back from my trip to the frozen north...and I survived! It is probably going to take me a few days to recuperature fully, though I have a few days off so hopefully that shouldn't be a problem. The drive up was crazy and we got stuck in standstill traffic (we literally put the car in park) for at least an hour, but we got there safe (at 2:00 in the morning). The weather wasn't too bad and there was a light dusting of snow on the morning we left. Enough to appreciate, but not enough to make driving difficult, so that was nice. It was nice to see everyone and our families behaved for the most part. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in a while so that was nice. Now after all the bustle of the holidays, I think I am going to sit on my couch and do nothing but read for a while. Though I am going to have to go grocery shopping since we have no food in the house.

Also, I started weight watchers and am hoping to lose a few pounds and start this year out right! We will see how far I make it ;) I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

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DATE: Dec 17 2011, 11:49 am / MOOD: Content

I have been having the worse bout of insomnia lately. I forgot (if that's possible) how horrible it feels not to be able to sleep. I am not one of those people that has constant insomnia, but I have occassional insomnia. It comes and goes in bouts. I have been having the worst time getting and staying asleep and it's been making me slightly miserable. The good news is, at least it's while I am on break and not during the school semester. Also good news is that I drank some bicardi last night and got the best night of sleep I have had in a long time. I am going to start drinking before bed more often! lol.

On a side note, I finally got all my Christmas shopping done! Now I just have to wrap everything. Though that is hard to do with my husband in the house. It might have to wait until Monday. I had something else to say, but now I can't remember what it was. I am old before my time :) Have a great weekend everyone and take care of yourself!

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DATE: Dec 14 2011, 8:38 pm / MOOD: Anxious

I am feeling really anxious all of a sudden and I am not for sure why. Well, I might have an idea why. I hate this about myself, but I absorb other people's emotions really easily. It doesn't even have to be a real person, if I am just reading about depression or someone being depressed then it is so easy for me to slip into that mode as well. I really wish I had more control over this aspect of myself and that I could just "be me" regardless of what I am reading or what other people are feeling.

I was feeling anxious, and I have been worried lately that I am developing OCD so I googled some OCD websites to see how my symptoms compared to other people. I came across this really need blog that a girl with OCD keeps, but now I am feeling even more anxious that I might have OCD. Then, after I think this I think that maybe I am just blowing it out of proportion and that it is just my GAD acting up. I mean I know I have anxiety and OCD is an anxiety disorder, so maybe I am just getting my symptoms mixed up. I don't know, but it's causing me a lot of mental stress right now. I kind of wish I could talk to my therapist right now, but we are on break for Christmas and I won't see her again until probably mid-January so I have to find ways to deal with this myself until then.

Also, part of the problem might be that school is out. It is kind of paradoxical because school can really stress me out and I feel a lot of pressure to do well in school. I am always wanting a break, but then when I get free time to relax like now, I don't know what to do with myself. I think staying super busy can stress me out but it also keeps my mind occupied and off of my anxiety to some extent. My anxiety definitely gets worse when I dwell on it or think about it, it just makes me increasingly more anxious. Now that I have some free time I have more time to think about my anxiety and that is not good for me . Okay, I just had to get this all out, thanks for listening.

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DATE: Dec 13 2011, 3:38 pm / MOOD: Tired

This morning I went to the dentist. The appointment was kind of early and I didn't want coffee stains on my teeth anymore than there already are, so I didn't drink any before the appointment. Then they put fluoride on my teeth and told me nothing hot for four hours! So I have had no coffee today and as a result I fell asleep on the couch for two and a half hours and got nothing done today (besides go to the dentist) and I am also starting to get a headache. But, the good news is my four hours is now up, so I am going to go make a pot of coffee!!! YAY!!!

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DATE: Dec 10 2011, 10:40 am / MOOD: Okay

First of all, thanks to everyone for all the support and comments on my blog. I am doinga little better today. My finals are over and so I can finally relax a little. I think my finals went okay, but there is nothing I can do about it now so no need ruminating about how they went.

Thankfully, we got the check from our renters, it was just a little late, so that's a huge relief.

I had a nightmare about some stuff from my past last night, but I am trying to put it out of my mind. I really hate it when that happens though, it throws me off for a day or two.

Overall though, doing much better and I want to thank everyone for their support. It means a lot to me :) I am hoping to be lazy today and start one of my true crime books. Peace all and take care :)

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DATE: Dec 08 2011, 10:32 am / MOOD: Anxious

Oh my goodness, I am so stressed right now, I don't know how I am going to get all this stuff done. I don't even know why I am on here when I should be trying to get stuff done, but this will only take a minute and I need to vent.

I have two really big finals tomorrow and there is no way I am going to be prepared in time. This might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but I feel like school is the only thing I am good at and Iget really frustrated and upset when I don't do as well as I know I could.

My husband has been physically ill for a while now. He gets these horrible stomach pains in the middle of the night. I feel so bad for him but there is really nothing I can do and I am a super light sleeper so if he's up then I am up and then I am usually tired during the day.

When my husband joined the military we had trouble selling our house so we ended up renting it out to this really nice couple. They have always been great with the payments and they let us know if they are going to be a little late. Well, now they are declaring bankruptcy and I am just hoping they can continue to make the payments, because we can only afford about two payments on our own if they don't pay us.

Then of course there is Christmas and all the craziness it brings. I haven't even started shopping yet because I have been so crazy bogged down with schoolwork and studying. Plus, we are still trying to figure out all our travel plans which is stressful, and then there's just the normal crazy family stuff that I dread every year as well.

I am having trouble focusing on studying. I get a little done and then I have to get up and move around for a while. Which would usually be fine, but I am feeling so much pressure to try to get as much studying done as I can before tomorrow. Ugh. Sorry for all the whining/pity party going on here, but I just feel like if one more thing happens I might literally scream. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. Thanks for listening.

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