Anxiety

My first blog. Ever.  I'm a blog voyeur.  Then I had a thought, I've been journaling off and on since I was a kid......only then it was my secret diary...you know, complete with the little key??  So how is this different...except ppl can read my ramblings unlike before.   So now I'm over the intimination of "blogging"  here goes.  Sometimes, I think the powers that be screwed up and I was actually supposed to be on a different planet.  I don't get this one.  Sure I function, work, pay taxes, good mom, good spouse.....but I don't get the harshness, the suffering, the corruptness.  I'm naive (by choice) easier to disasociate than take it all in.  I'm always surprised when bad things happen, I feel like I'm so anxious b/c I'm not sure I handle the next surprise.  I hate big stores like Wal-Mart, the mall, etc....sensory overload.  Too much, too much.  I feel so overwhelmed and think that everybody expects so much out of me.....perfection.  It's a facade I've created and now the anxiety of trying to live up to the face in a world that scares the hell out of me.....it gets too much sometime.  I'm so jealous of my dogs,,,, they don't have to go out into the world.....they get to lay around, eat, poop, whatever......all safe and sound.  God, I hope I come back as a cat (even better) or dog.  Maybe I'm on the right planet......just the wrong species??????

My Comments From: cindy0607 Sep 05 2008, 4:05 pm thanks Sus - I did feel relief after writing.....get those thoughts out of my head and down in writing.........very therapeudic From: anabsenthigh Sep 04 2008, 10:22 pm i like that right planet wrong species..... good on you for blogging.... you will find its a strange release..... well i do... xoxoxox From: obsidianfire Sep 04 2008, 8:36 pm The world is a scary place.  But I've learned you have to try and not focus on the bad so much.  The news is so much about the negative that there doesn't seem to be any good.  But there is, more so than the bad.  We just don't read about it as often.  It is nice to play naive, however, I don't think you're as naive as you let on.  That the world bothers you shows no naivety.  Maybe there is some there when you wrestle with perfection.  It's a catch 22:  you want to achieve perfection to show the world, but are afraid of not being able to live up to those expectations.  Whose expecations are you afraid of?  And the world won't stop for you, or me, or anybody.  It will not offer you reciprocity when we hide behind our facades. Yeah...I can relate about pets.  I look at my cat Cupcake and say "you have it good!"  Then again, not all pets have it so good.  She's just lucky she has owners that take care of her.