Anxiety

DATE: Jan 02 2009, 1:36 pm / MOOD: Full of life

FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T GET IT IN MY BULLENTIN.....I'M BACK FINALLY!!!  JUST GOT EVERYTHING THAT WAS STOLEN (SOME OF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT) BACK UP AND NOW I'VE REJOINED CYBERSPACE.....BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU .,.,.,........THE TRIBE!!!  I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! I HAVE TO LEAVE TONIGHT BUT WILL BE BACK ON TOMORROW SOMETIME.....HOPE TO GET CAUGHT BACK UP.....I HAVE SO MUCH TO SHARE AND NEEDED ADVICE!!!  lOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

      

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DATE: Dec 10 2008, 10:12 pm / MOOD: Sad

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s alright. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

 

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

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DATE: Dec 06 2008, 1:57 pm / MOOD: Mellow

For those of you who responded with care and concern to my blog last night, I want to say thank you.  I was truly in a bad place, that's why I posted and got off.  I wasn't looking for a heart massage, I just wanted someone, somewhere to know what happened and why.  However, much, much later I logged back on and saw the care from this Tribe.  There is one here, who downplays themself that was my saint.  This person knows who they are.  They are probably the reason I didn't go any deeper with the knife than I did.  I only managed to carve a nice big cross between my boobs down to my belly button, but was getting up the nerve to go much, much deeper.  This individual stayed up on line with me all night and pulled me back to a state of semi-saneness.  Be careful guys about judging ppl (I'm including myself in this)......seriously, the true heart and soul ppl usually don't show it much on the exterior but this one showed me colors of himself that I couldn't have know existed had he not seen my blog and reached out and stuck it out with me.  I love you guys and I especially love you for your heart and true care......and you know who you are!  

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DATE: Oct 19 2008, 12:51 pm / MOOD: Mellow

Maybe I'm at the wrong place......maybe this should be a poll but I was researching famous quotes by famous authors, etc and this one especially touched me.....

Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul? - Keats

I know that personally, I've done my greatest amount of growing, finding clarity, understanding in the midst of suffering through my most painful times.  Looking back, I can attribute almost all of any growth, positive change, empathy only by suffering and going through pain.  I think it's only human to take the path of least resistance and unless we hit a wall (speaking for myself only), we're not going to change anything until we have no choice and back to my earlier statement, by then it's usually become a force to be reckoned with.

When I started this blog, I thought I had plenty of time to give it lots of thought, but I've just been interrupted....but I'll be back to give some experiences and talk with anyone that wants to share, relate or whatever.  Hope to hear some of your stories, eurekas!, moments of clarity and what had to happen to get you there.....this info can be so empowering to others currently suffering, struggling and just so that others can relate...  Here's a holler out especially to my friends......I'd like to hear more from you guys on this blog to know you better and also from my "friends to be"!!!!

I'll be back...there was supposed to be more to this blog, but I'll add on later, hopefully in the meantime however, I'll hear some of your experiences and insights on this topic 

 

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DATE: Sep 04 2008, 6:32 pm / MOOD: Lonely

My first blog. Ever.  I'm a blog voyeur.  Then I had a thought, I've been journaling off and on since I was a kid......only then it was my secret diary...you know, complete with the little key??  So how is this different...except ppl can read my ramblings unlike before.   So now I'm over the intimination of "blogging"  here goes.  Sometimes, I think the powers that be screwed up and I was actually supposed to be on a different planet.  I don't get this one.  Sure I function, work, pay taxes, good mom, good spouse.....but I don't get the harshness, the suffering, the corruptness.  I'm naive (by choice) easier to disasociate than take it all in.  I'm always surprised when bad things happen, I feel like I'm so anxious b/c I'm not sure I handle the next surprise.  I hate big stores like Wal-Mart, the mall, etc....sensory overload.  Too much, too much.  I feel so overwhelmed and think that everybody expects so much out of me.....perfection.  It's a facade I've created and now the anxiety of trying to live up to the face in a world that scares the hell out of me.....it gets too much sometime.  I'm so jealous of my dogs,,,, they don't have to go out into the world.....they get to lay around, eat, poop, whatever......all safe and sound.  God, I hope I come back as a cat (even better) or dog.  Maybe I'm on the right planet......just the wrong species??????

 

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