I'm barely here. Relationships and communication are hard for me. It comes and goes, sometimes I can manage to be casual. Always feels like something I should apologise for.
Things felt increasingly different as last year ended, so I started seeing a psychologist in February. It has been difficult, but I haven't missed a session yet which is unusual for me. It's been a few years since I last attempted therapy. My problems are complicated and deeply rooted. I feel so embarrassed saying that. Ashamed of my life or embarrassed by how self absorbed that statement sounds? Probably both.
Today, shortly, some relatives from Germany will arrive. I have met them briefly when I was much younger, I believe, but I don't remember them. They're here for my aunt's wedding tomorrow. Both things make me incredibly anxious.
I plan on travelling in September, to stay with friend's in Canada. It is fairly terrifying but I want my life to change. I don't want to let fear hold me back from doing the things I want to do or spending time with the people I love.