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Weekend Hell Already
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By:
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SoullessBVBLover
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Mood:
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Anxious
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Date:
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Mar 24, 2012
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Music:
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Dance With The Devil- Breaking Benjamin
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Alright...So yesterday was...Eh...
My parents were at each other's throats again, nothing new there. But then I was forced to go to the movies with my brother and dad,We went to see the Hunger Games (good movie though...)
But as soon as I got out of the car, my head went down immediately and as we walked around to get the tickets, get to the theater (etc), I just stared at the ground, fumbling with my hands and feeling like I was going to die from a heart attack at any moment.
Then as we got to the theaters, I looked up for a moment and wished I hadn't, There were so MANY people already sitting, I felt like as we were trying to find our seats I stuck out like a sore thumb, and just like a million pairs of eyes were on me, again I was trying to figure out what people were thinking, If I was dressed like a freak, if my hair looked sh*tty, or If I in general just looked disgusting like how I feel...
Long story short, we finally sat down and shortly the movie started. I tried to focus on the movie but I was worried if the person behind me could see or not, If I moved around in my seat to much and it was bothering someone else in the theater, or when my dad would ask my brother questions (because he never read the book series so he didn't know what the hell was going on)
I was scared they were to loud and it was bugging other people, ugh...I know I shouldn't care so much but my Social Anxiety does this and it's getting so bad...
Then when we got home it was alright for a while, but then everyone was just so....UG, I got into a fight with my brother, almost got into a fight w/mom, and at that moment mom wasn't even talking to dad, and he was also getting snappy.
THAN, this morning they make up again and all that sh*t, I know their gonna fight again though, and today we have to pack since Sunday we leave to make our way to Georgia for that grandparents 80th anniversary thing, Just thank god for ipod and phones with internet, I couldn't last all that time in a car with them. I just want to be alone.
Of course that and always on a road trip you have to stop to eat and sh*t, and I hate that since it's always hard to make up some excuse on getting out of eating, or If I can't I know I won't be able to resist purging, and of course if it's crowded with people I freak out...
I worried about that and seeing so much 'family again during this trip so much last night that I ended up self-harming again....Just ugh.
(I also hate having to leave my dogs, Even though the place we leave them is really good. Their truly my only friends irl, I love them and I know there my true family, and won't hurt me. I migt sound stupid but that's just how clos emy dogs are to me.)
Well...I guess that's it for now, I wasn't able to get any sleep because of my sleep apnea so i'm just exhausted, But still can't get to sleep. I'm gonna keep trying but I doubt I will, I'll probably be dragged somewhere else today and getting ready for the trip...I feel like I just want to blow right now.
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