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Thinking to Much with no Resolution
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By:
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Cyndy
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Mood:
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Frustrated
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Date:
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Feb 11, 2012
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Music:
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Broken & Beautiful - Mark Schultz
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Okay, no one told me how hard the last few cigarettes are to give up. Nicorette gum, mints, etc. are not miracle workers. I'm doing as much as possible to keep my hands busy and my mind on other things.
What doesn't work for me is the "mind on other things." That's where I am right now. My anxiety levels go way up thinking about my life. Not so much about the past, but about the future. How to get out of this slump, what is there to care about, the old "what's my purpose" issue, what legacy am I leaving behind, what will I have to do to increase my spirituality and faith and am I worthy of having anything beyond where I am now?
What's the sense of being healthy, making money, being neat and tidy, etc. when I'm doing it for myself only. I don't care so why do I care what others think? The law of society deem it so! Oh and I am so concerned about social issues when it is part of the reason I'm so stuck. My friend is right - the earth is going to hell inviromentally and the monitary system is at it's end because society says it's okay to be wasteful and distructful. And this is a whole other topic of socialology that I won't go into here but one of which I am more and more conscience.
At any rate, thank you for letting me ramble on about a small bit of what's going on in my everturbulentmind. Is it any wonder that I'm having trouble becoming a non-smoker?
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