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By:	Chelsmya
Mood:	Anxious
Date:	Feb 18, 2013
Music:	None

I was doing so good what happened!? I guess I just need some venting I am a stay at home mom 5, 4, and a 2 yr old. Now my oldest 2 are actually my stepchildren and we take turns with the mother we keep them one week she keeps them one week and their mother is an infuriating idiot! She is constantly implying that it won't be this way forever and she will have her kids full time now me coming from a seperate household and not getting along at all with my own stepmother have been what I wanted from her I have been in their lives since they were 1 and newborn and consider them and love them like my own. I am so worried about what's going to happen with them. On top of that over the last 3 years my husbands mom died unexpectedly and more recently his 21 yr old sister was killed in a car accident and the last 4 years my husband has been unsuccessful in getting a job and we literally make no money. As a "solution" last year my grandma was extremely ill and needed to either sell everything she owned to be in a nursing home or we move in and i become her caregiver. This was the worst idea known to man she is absolutely a psychological abuser and loves to use guilt trips and manipulation to get what she wants. Now I have everyday meds panic attacks on a reg basis and feel so useless. But I'm stuck in this situation and everyday I become more depressed and feel like its never going to get better. So I turned to God at first it was helping so much but from the ages of 8 and 18 (thanks to stepmom) living in a tiny town in Utah I was mormon. Now I realized it wasn't the right religion for me but as I am reading the bible and doing some research on mormonism I have realized I was in a cult and brainwashed now I'm so freaked out about religion in general and being sucked into being another ignorant sheep. So sorry for the long post but I needed to get this all out thanks for listening

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From: Chelsmya
Feb 21 2013, 1:58 am nicedd.....well seeing as how my grandmother is the person she is my mother and two aunts actually just cant stand her and there is no one else we did try for some home health but she didnt qualify. anyway im going to get through it i just know that i HAVE to have at least an hour a day to myself everyday to pray or read or just enjoy some peaceful music i have been finding alot of nature music seems to help. i suffer from some mild ocd as well so it doesn't help the situation i need like a professional organizer to come in and say ok lets clean this place and figure out your routine cuz when its left up to me im just overwhelmed with it all. i cant seem to just take one little task at a time, i will be cleaning the kitchen and cant stop thinking about everything else on my todo list....very annoying. I took tuesdays for myself though i am gone all day morning is bible study and then lunch with my friend and then therapy at night which is doing wonders.

From: nicedd
Feb 18 2013, 7:35 pm wow you really do have alot going on. Is there any way you can get out of the house at night when your husband gets home to get a little bit of a break. And maybe your grand mother would qualify for some home health care so you are not the only one taking care of her. Where are her children at that they cant help you? I am not a religious person might I have been trying to practice meditation and Mindfulness(you can google it)they both seem to help.Plus I go to therapy. I really hope you can get some kind of break I think it would help alot with your anxiety.I was a stay at home mom of 2 for 3 years and finally my dr. told me to go get a pt. job just so I could get out of the house and socialize with adults.Will keep you in my thoughts!

From: TammyD1972
Feb 18 2013, 3:34 pm Because you are really anxious about taking care of all of these people, doesnt mean you are not doing well, when alot of people depend on us,,,well, it puts alot of pressure on all, like 24/7, we have to be ON, constantly,,,that is a huge strain for people who do not suffer anything,,it can keep us keyed up, its normal to feel this way, I know it is, I have alot of people that depend on me, and I get this way too... Maybe that religion isnt for you, that is okay too, sometimes in life we find we change as we age, and that is perfectly fine,,,,,,,,,we can find new things that work for us. We have to be easy on ourselves, do little things for ourselves when we get time to do so, even if it is a bubble bath, light a candle, listen to 2 songs on youtube, cook your own favorite meal, any small thing we can do , that we like,,,,,,we dserve things in life too, especially under alot of stress! take care of yourself too!!

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