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New to the Tribe
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By:
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MissLiberty
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Mood:
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Frustrated
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Date:
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Mar 19, 2013
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Music:
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None
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I signed up mostly out of desperation: This year marks ten years diagnosed with GAD. In the beginning it was generalized fears: financial ruin, car accidents, rape or kidnapping (I'm sure you know the drill). Later, I seemed to zero in on specific fears. Tornados are one. Thankfully I live in an area that is not prone to them, but I still get terrified everytime a thunderstorm approaches. I have grown to hate spring and summer because of it and of course I hate that I feel that way. It's a viscious cycle. As I add years to my life, hypochondria has now choked away what's left of my normal life. My health terrifies me on an almost daily basis. Even as I type this, I am worried about an ache in my head that has bothered me for almost a solid month. I am too scared to call the doctor for fear of hearing the worst, while the rational side of me (an ever dimming voice) assures me that it is nothing serious. I have turned backaches into kidney failure, headaches into brain tumors, and heartburn into cardiac arrest. I almost wish I could go back to worrying about the fears I had in the past. The hypochondria is crippling me and my quality of life is rapidly diminishing. My husband, god love him, is doing his best to be supportive, but he doesn't understand what I'm going through and it frustrates me to try to get him to see what I see. I am desperate for a change. I'm tired of my inability to fall asleep because I just worry, worry, worry! I'm tired of crying incessantly when I'm alone, and most of all I'm tired of feeling that I am alone. I'm ashamed of what I've become and to reveal it to my friends and extended family would be devastating. I've lost touch with all my friends and my social life consists of my husband and only my husband. I feel pathetic and that I've failed my children. I constantly beat up myself and degrade myself for my lack of gumption to do anything about my problem. I hope that support from this site will help me find the strength I need kick the ass of this illness and be the woman I was over ten years ago.
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