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Morning Blog: Movements
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By:
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omnicell
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Mood:
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Other
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Date:
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Dec 08, 2012
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Music:
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None
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My first love liked me, yet ,later said I meant nothing to her. I was looked over as if I was a weakling. Yet, I was not a weakling, why then was I perceived as one. If I am not who one things, why think I am what I am not. Why not investigate and find the truth. Contempt before prior investigation is an evil thing. Many people are evil things.. The word for my first love is EVIL. I went to the wrong house to play! I did not know. I was not good enough. Strange, I was fine before I met her!, as far as what I thought of my own value.
Todays issues surround evil. Im attempting to make Evil people into un-eveil people that I create the illusion of safety, that I create the illusion of being liked. At least I don't feel alone when Im around them. , yet, Im not liked. Im treated badly by those that don't want me around. No one wants , or cares to understand me. F#ck them all... thats my attitude. I don't need to sell myself out to stupid people. However, Im attempting to regain my identity,. I need my recovery process. Im attempting to bring the original me back to life.
Im not liked. This is what needs to be analyzed. I attempt to wonder why people that like me don't like me. The answer is , they never liked me! I can feel it, I cannot handle this vision in my broken mind.
I guess these people cant figure out the bigger picture. Its not about them.
Went back to the meeting: The girl was chairing the meeting.. This month with the New Years dance coming. I will make sure this time, to avoid this person at all costs...
Correction is the key to survival.
Im learning to go back to my recovery; get the recovery I need and stay away from the con artists. The programs are good, the people can be a bit on the sociopathic side of the fence; way to many of them... Im not trying to be the victim. I have more work to do in the 12 step system. Im getting very close, as I get better, more and more memories of the original me surface: they are surfacing as I write... This are memories with mass pain surrounding them.. These are around or in the core. The core was ruptured, I can feel memories from under the rupturing waking up. There are younger memories waking up, of things I have not heard or understood for ages, a part of me that has been asleep all of my life. My life was taken from me, if I were to see any of it, or feel it, I would kill myself... there for its O so slow, the small amounts thrown at me. Yet, At the core , Im getting memories... The real me, the original .
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