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June 19; 2013: morning blog

omnicell
By: omnicell
Mood: Other
Date: Jun 18, 2013
Music: None


Its always about anxiety!~


Im a sick person trying to get well!



I am a sick person



I am a sick person



I am a sick person



I am a sick person trying to get well@!        What does this mean!



When Im around recovery people,  I have to remember Im a sick person trying to get well.  I cannot take care of them because I have to take care of myself.   I am a sick person with my hands full from the PTSD problems.   I cannot take care of the other person while I have a full load;  it wont work! 



Im realizing others do not accept that they have problems,  therefor,  they never have to work on themselves.  Ive seen people solve there problems with drugs and sick relationships.  Ive had people tell me they don't want baggage people;  people with problems.   off-course,  they have no problems.   Instead I would say they have no conscious. 



As I attempt more interaction the PTSD problems magnify 1oo percent.  I am always reminded of the truth of my condition.  It is a serious matter.   I am right where I am suppose to be! 



Im learning to tell people  "  I have baggage,  lots and lots and lots of it"   mainly from the PTSD problems;  from the dissociative problems.   Some people accept me,  some don't.   Some people are scared off.   Better to scare them off with the truth then enroll with them on a lie.  



Today I face my problems and accept them and continue another day of working on them.   



Today I continue to trust God with the recovery life he is bringing me!   Acceptance is the key.   Change is a hard thing,  especially when you cant go back!


 


My identity was blown apart,  therefore,  I could not use it anymore,  I rejected it in favor of someone else taking over from the outside.  Now Im taking my torn tattered identity back and learning how to bleed it and please it and take care of it,  and hope that it heals from the bombs that were dropped on it.  Im attempting to trust God and keep it inflated.  



My mind has holes in it,  several of them,  the PTSD problems live and breath had run there movies reals through these big gashing holes.  



My mind is very weak,   10 times weaker then the average person.  I am used to having a mind ran over!   I am attempting to be me;  holes and damage.  Im on the right course.  Im damaged goods,  Im lucky to be alive.