ITs all PTSD/anxiety

By: omnicell
Mood: Other
Date: Jan 31, 2013
Music: None

Anytime I start blaming anyone, I know what that means!, The PTSD stress is creating a negative of the world. a negative hostile world.

Its horrible. Its your fault , simply because my view has changed to victim, because the movie running through my head is of a time of being victimized. I cant see anything else.

I am starting to get it. It all sucks. Im so controlled by what is going on in my head and nervous system. I see much more inside my mind then outside myself when dealing with an opportunity.

I have to tell people about me if they are going to get it.  I cant tell them when its to late..    

I have to be on my knees to God all the time,  Giving things to God,  having a relationship with God.  That is what counts...  ITs God first,  this may be all the lesson I need to learn...    The world is a traitorous place..   I have to have God and trust and let go....   This is the hardest lesson.  I dying without it... 

Its a scary venture to come out of denial. ITs very difficult. Its difficult to look clearly in ones direction and realize I see more PTSD stuff then the reality that Im starring at..

I am slowly getting stronger...