For those who pray Part2- the update
Hi all! Thank you to those who read my last blog and have prayer/praying for me!! I really appreciate it. Heres the update:
I did have something wrong with me. My researched led to hernia, tho I was wrong about that I was correct about the seriousness of the situation.
My appendix- so it created a blister like thing that burst on part of it, so fortunately the whole thing didnt burst or that could have killed me. But the burst did cause inflammation, which enlarges my appendix and draws it to close to other organs. They can't do surgery right now because they could ruin other organs and really hurt me.
So I am going on my 2nd night in the hospital as they try out antibiotics. They had me on a day of liquid antibiotics, my body has received that fairly well. They just started me on pill antibiotics, if my body takes that well then I could be released in the morning with antibiotics to take home and come back in 2 weeks for a check up which will eventually lead to surgery as long as its safe.
What my anxiety side was dealing with is work which equals money which equals a home. I have now lost 3 days of work. Yes, as we all know, it can seem a little more dramatic when anxiety hits, but this is pretty legit. I only make $100-$200 over my rent. If I can't afford rent, well the obvious happens. So yes, it is a fear. I've spent the last 4-5 years of my life with things always going wrong. Like things used to go wrong before but fairly easy fixes, but this time of my life hasnt been easy fixes. I've been homeless over a year of that, lost most of my stuff, starved, and got taken advantage of from "friends" and people I worked for screwing me financially. Spent half my homeless time being seriously sick,- there was a time I threw up almost everyday for a week (and I'm not the type to throw up so I know its bad if I am) and in the next couple months to follow lost 40lbs without doing anything. I was just sick. I also stayed in a grossly molded house for awhile and was sick 2 months from that.
So yes, I do have a fear of things crumbling down and being homeless again (I've only had a home for 3 months so not long enough to believe it'll stay as I have struggled hard to stay already) Yes I am frustrated that I can't catch a break. And yes I am emotional about it. Being that I was in pain for 2 weeks, each day worse than the last... I think its fair to be a bit emotional and overwhelmed.
Yes, I probably should have went to a doctor sooner, but my first few days the pain felt like a pulled muscle which is easy to manage, then it got worse and I knew it wasnt a pulled muscle and started doing research to take care of it. Being broke, I'm used to taking care of myself when sick... I didnt realize that this time I actually NEEDED a doctor until the worst of my days and I went to the ER.
So yes, life is a big ball of frustration right now. Until some consistency happens I am probably gonna be anxious as I dont trust whats gonna happen next. Hence why I often wanna hide away from the world... cuz then nothing to bad could happen right? Wrong, part of my appendix burst. So no hiding from it, but prayers that I could find some consistency and handle things well.