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Feeling Stupid
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By:
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SoullessBVBLover
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Mood:
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Angry
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Date:
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May 03, 2012
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Music:
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Buried Beneath- RED (next, All Your Hate- Black Veil Brides)
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So, Nothing that new...I'm still in the hospital, I had more blood work drawn today, and of course it was hell trying to find my veins so they had to stick me three times....To be honest though I didn't mind the pain, It sort of let me know i'm still alive...
Last night I got a nurse I didn't like, and so I had three panic attacks last night. And of course I kept it hidden, so that mom or that f@cking stupid bitch nurse wouldn't notice. After the third panic attack, it was time for my pain medicine...So the morphine kinda just made me feel numb towards everything...
I didn't sleep at all last night (nothing new there) so I was trying to draw, write and watch harry potter and Anime to make the time go by, of course the nurse coming in making comments like "you should go to sleep, or you can't start to heal" blah blah blah..
If I could sleep...I would! that simple! anyway...For my day nurse, I got Cecelia again...So for that issue it put my mind to ease...I went in for more testing today, and Tomorrow I'm going under for another Endoscopy and...another scopy thing I forgot the name.. :
I was forced to talk to the Chaplin today, I honestly didn't feel like doing that though, I don't have the patience for her, or the childlife girl (Teresa...She's nice, and I like her but today I just didn't want to see or deal with anyone...which again isn't something surprising...)
And again, Mom got on my case again...It's like everyone is accusing me, Like this is my fault...It's always my fault though, I've come to learn and accept that fact though....
Idk...I feel like my mental problems, and disorders are only getting worse, And I can't even start to even think about working on them while i'm in this hellhole...
So, Also I feel sorta...Stupid...because I just want to escape this reality so When it comes to watching Anime, Or listening to Music, or watching movies like Harry Potter, I create my own 'character' and just create a whole new world,
And I find myself always drifting off into those worlds, and what not...I feel like that's an idiot thing to do though...And it only proves that i'm completely insane...What do you think? Is it stupid to have such an imagination for things like that? (it's also what helps me in my writing..)
and to end this, I worked on this all last night since I couldn't sleep, Not sure why I shaded in the back, like I said, I'm working on shading and what not, And thought i'd ad to the effect Since Xerxes (that's his name) is clearly in shock, and injured in this drawing I did. I also left his hair without any shading since He has white hair...but yeah...
Well, I also found out who's my night nurse for the night, I'm more comfortable with this nurse, Since i've also had her before. Her name is Karla, She's pretty nice...So hopefully this night goes alittle more smoother....I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow I guess...
Oh..and quick thing..I'm still really struggling over the thing with Ali, Since I didn't get proper closer...I keep wondering if I should send her an E-mail, asking her why she did this...Or just to say goodbye, or maybe to call her...
But I know it'll blow up in my face...She's washed her hands of my after all..She probably doesn't care anymore right? Yet I still care for her so much...My heart ache's thinking about it..
Well...See you guys later I guess. Hope things are going better for everyone else right now.
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