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Fear So Bad It Nearly Drove Me To Suicide
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By:
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jessieblack
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Mood:
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Other
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Date:
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Jan 12, 2012
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Music:
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None
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Last night my fear/anxiety was so awful, I truly think it peaked, because I was actually glad of the resulting panic attack which knocked me out of my thoughts. I was driving myself crazy with thoughts of 'why are we all here' 'what's going to happen to me when I die' and many thoughts along the lines of questions that cannot be answered. My anxiety has locked onto many different fears along the course of it's time with me, from social anxiety to fear of the world itself, each time I have worked through one fear, it has found itself another. Last night as I said, it peaked, I was in my own hell, terrified, alone, and certain suicide was my only way out. I felt I was being crushed from the inside out. However now when I get anxiety I ride it out, I take no pills and resort to no other way of 'getting rid' of it. I know the only way to beat this is to face it. After my episode last night I was left feeling kind of cleansed, there was no where else for my fear to go, it had played out every scenario and I had faced them all. I felt kind of good and a little afraid all at the same time. Acceptance seems to be the key, don't fight it, don't think of ways to fix it, welcome it and desensitize yourself to it. I would love to hear from someone who has had the same kind of fears, about life, origin of life, where we are all going, what we are doing here etc so that I don't feel so alone. My fears started off focused on the more 'normal' - social anxiety, agoraphobia etc but as I worked through each one it progressed to a new level, until finally I am here, terrified by the wonders of the universe itself. Really hope to hear from someone like me Best wishes to you all x
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