Family Trip and Change and Negatives flipped into....
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By:
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SeptemberEnds
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Mood:
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Peaceful
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Date:
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Jan 03, 2011
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Music:
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Stronger - Mary J. Blige
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Hey everyone- My second blog here. I'm usually anxious but everyone here is really sweet so far thanks  I have severe anxiety, SAD (it's winter and dark which is fun) and it's easy to "set me off". Every year my family and I go to my cousin's/aunt/uncles house. I haven't gone in two years because of anxiety getting worse. I also felt kind of worthless when my sister got married. Like I was being replaced (we're very close). I assumed so many negative things!! It's a 5 hour drive with (now) 4 people in the car. I was terrified of going I even stayed up the night before just staring at my bag. I'm here by the grace of God so I prayed about it. Morning came and I decided to go for it. I also read a blog on here about challenging your thoughts ;) 99.9% of mine were irrational. I wanted to do it for me mainly. I had thoughts that they were pushing me away, didn't want me etc...afraid I would panic in front of them, my bro in law would be judgemental, etc. Fear one: One family member is very "smothering" and that did trigger a panic attack when she didn't get the hint. Nothing happened. I went outside for a break when I needed to. Fear Two: I was shocked when my sister ran to hug me when she saw I was going. We had fun. My brother in law is pretty cool too. They want me to stay at their new apt when they move :) My family was happy to see me and showed lots of love. Fear three: I was never judged. I even found out someone I love has bad anxiety and I had no idea. We spoke about it and I offered to help out. I told my cousin and it was no big deal to her. She was someone I thought was "perfect" but I was wrong I was being judgemental Fear four was I was afraid of or intimidated by another cousin who is beautiful and very well known and got back from the ESPYS. She was awesome and I finally relaxed. I wanted to share this because it happens a lot. Not just to me. When you're really panicky and avoid things because of it. It wasn't perfect but I'm glad I went. I learned more about myself and loved ones. There's never really anything to fear but we forget a lot. It's Well, I made it so anyone can. The first step is the hardest. Sorry this is so long, lol, I like to write. :)
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