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An Introduction - Doesnt matter if no one reads....
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By:
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anabsenthigh
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Mood:
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Other
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Date:
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Jul 03, 2008
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Music:
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No music
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Just an intro into who i am or what i am going through i guess, i am 25 and even though now i can see that anxiety and depression have been with me for a long time, about 8 months ago it felt like it snuck up and bit me on the ass!! And what spurred on this diagnosis of anxiety and depression, was i looked up a website called beyondblue and completed their checklists for these disorders then told my doctor. Coupled this with the words i cant do this anymore. And what makes me feel like a complete git and i know rationally it shouldnt, the thought that so many people seem to be able to function, seem to be able to want to live with so many factors like you know tragic childhoods or abuse or illness and they seem to be able to cope, and yet i just got bogged down by a life that wasnt really doing much, didnt have me running 24/7. But once i had a name for how i had been feeling for so long, i became anxious about being anxious and guilty for the fact that i felt this way again while others seem to be able to cope with so much. And now coming to a realisation that it is ok that i feel this way, now the question is what to do with it. Oh something if anyone is desperate enough to read these i tend to subject jump. Anyway moving on, the more i analise and look back on my life the more i realise that anxiety and depression have been there for so long, just running in a low or mid range gear cycling round. 8 months ago that gear felt like it shifted into high and the clutch got stuck. Ok so the things i have realised have come with the anxiety and depression, that have been hidden for only me to see and i didnt know what was going on, not my fault and i have to keep telling myself that. So these things are im not suicidal however i will admit to thinking about it, depressed, anxious, self mutilation (cutting/scratches/hitting walls/pain of some type), alcohol abuse. Now i dont hear voices, the voices i refer to are my own just going round and round in my head, thoughts that sometimes get so loud, i had to shut them up somehow and that was with alcohol, or mutilation, takes the edge off it. And to subject jump a little bit more was prescribed medication, but chose not to take, for many reasons, one blog one day might look into this but not now, have been seeing a pschologist since january, and a drug and alcohol counsellor also since january. Dont really have a family support for this and i will most likely whinge about that at some point. Have a friend, but she was also one of the stressors that got me to a point where i got, call that blame call it whatever, but ill get into that later. So to sum up my intro Hi my name is Anne (middle name), i have been an alcoholic or alcohol abuser for 2 and a half years and i suffer from anxiety and depression.....
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