Anxiety Self Help

So I went back to my old job at the mall and asked my boss for my job back and he said yeah! That was the first breath of fresh air that i had in a reeeeally long time! Not only that, since its part time i have time to study for my LSAT and apply to the University of Arkansas. If I learned anything from all this, it's that you should appreciate your profession and be the BEST at it no matter what it is! Having been terminated from my previous job actually gave me something back for it all, motivation. I've been working out more, studying more and not taking life for granted. So to everyone on here that supported me through all this, thank you! I appreciate it 100%. You guys rock solo! ;) -nick

Despite everything that's happened to me within the past week, I'm feeling really really good right now. For those that don't know, I lost my job and my family lost my auntie two saturdays ago. But the way I see it, I lost something But i gained something back. See, my auntie loved to eat, and she would always tell my family if they werent gonna eat something, she'd say"give it to me and ill eat it!" Her whole life she faced challenges and survived. She dealt with dialysis, stomach issues, seeing her son in jail, but she "ate" it all and now she no longer has to worry about any of it anymore. The ultimate form of her "eating" her adversities was during her illnesses, she STILL managed to handle her responsibilities of going to church and singing in the choir. Most people would've made the excuse that "I'm sick and can't make it," but not my auntie! She was a soldier if there ever was one.

Looking back oneverything now, I finally realize that life is not about the challenges that you are faced with, but rather about HOW you face them. You can have a panic attack that will cause you to turn blue in the face, but if faced with the right attitude, it won't affect you nearlyas much as it normally would. My auntie stared every challenge the came her way all the way to when she died. if she was here and heard about the challenges I face I think she'd put me to shame and tell me togrow a pair, suckit up and deal with it. And you know what, that would bethe answer i would want. Thanks Aunt Pearl. I love you andmy "appetite" for challenges has never been greater! ;)

I lost my job today because the company has been cutting back on expenses. Unfortunately I was the newest guy there and was making close to 600 dollars every pay check. So guess who got the axe? I didnt make a big scene when they said i was terminated but I sure as f@ck didnt got quietly. After she said i was gone, I took off my work key and threw it in her face, went to an office space and turned over a whole bunch of files and the manager tried walking me to the door and I slammed it in her face. I got home and my folks tried calming me down and cursed and threw a fit for a good 20 mins. After I had cooled down a little I told myself that I wasnt going to sit around and f@cking feel sorry for myself. Instead I was going to use my anger as a weapon to find another job. It just makes me mad that they lied about why they fired me. I could see right through their ulterior motives because they kept talking about saving money. Keep in mind I only been there a little over a month so i was still a newbie and prone to make mistakes which i had been doing on and off for a few weeks. So with that being said, the manager told me (which still pisses me off to the 8th degree to think about) and i quote

"you been here a month and you have the intelligence for the job, and you had the training but you kept making mistakes so we have to terminate you"

I'm like "f@ckin A." So you mean to tell me it took everyone in the office A MONTH to learn EVERYTHING? Whatever this isn't gonna stop me. I refuse to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to find me another job.

So yeah casey anthony got off scott free, despite the mountain of evidence against her. I find it a little bit strange that after the case, CNN, MSNBC, ABC and ALLL the media giants wanted to get a word from the jury and the judge about why the f@ck they decided Anthony wasnt guilty and they said, and i quote:

"The 12 jurors in the Casey Anthony case have declined their opportunity to speak to the media. Judge Perry has also decided not to release their names at this point."

I know this has nothing to do with anxiety but I've had too many friends that were either, molested, raped or abused by their parents as children. So to see a child killed like she was, when its blantly obvious that Casey was the one that did it, is a little bit irritating. Anywho this is how i feel about the whole thing, this is from the movie Gone Baby Gone.

Waaaaaaaaay off topic about anxiety, but i've been influenced by this rapper lately named Lupe Fiasco. His music is very deep and meaningful and came up with the concept of L.A.S.E.R.S. which stands for Love Always Shines Everytime Remember to Smile. On the album he wrote a power declaration to stand up for yourself and stand out. As for as my life goes, it inspires me to live my life peacefully and treat others right. This is what the declaration says:

so i start my new job today and its a legitmate 8-5 job and im nervous cuz im being exposed to all the things normal working class people are use to: insurance, W2 forms, handling other people's money! stuff ive never just REALLY been exposed too. anywho im excited about the pay and the new atmosphere. so pray for me guys!

being self conscience is one the most painless but yet painful things that i think i've ever felt. as of late, it's like i literallycan't look anyone in the face when i speak to them because something in my mind is telling me, "nick, this person thinks you're ugly. he/she thinks you are awkward. they hate the way you talk. just walk away." when i talk to them, i get so worried about embarassing myself that i sometimes am at a loss for words and struggle to keep the conversation going. because of this, i feel like people are staring at me and are judging me. needless to say it doesn't hurt physically but mentally it takes it's toll. there have been several times i have been like "screw it. i am what i am. if i am ugly, then so be it." the truth of the matter is, i've learned that people think just the opposite of what you're thinking, but when you've suffered bullying in jr. high and high school like i did, its hard to break out of that line of thinking that no one loves you and that you're a reject. despite all this i still keep my head up and fight cause if you don't love yourself, then who will. anyone got any tips on how to break out this mind set?

soi was at church today and my uncle asked me to do the prayer for the devotional portion of the service and of course i told him yeah i would do it. even prayer comes from the heart, i was confident in what i wanted to pray about, i even had in my mind what i wanted to say. so when the time came for me to do it, i got to the podium and little by little, i started to have a loss for words. i even forgot the verse i had in my mind i wanted to mention. it was a complete bomb out but it was embarrassing cuz i started using words i had no intention of using at all. gah anxiety sucks cuz stuff like this happens to me. oh well, at least i didnt make an idiot of myself.

Sometimes we put so much emphasis on this life that we forget about whats on the other side. Since some of you have been asking me if I'd do another video so i decided, why not? haha I was so tired when i made it, that the first 2 minutes looks like im high haha anywho, what do you guys think? should we be more concerned about the next life than this one?

In life, I’ve noticed that people like to brag on their accomplishments. Personally, I think its wrong. Believe it or not, I never say, “I did it.” Instead, I use the plural form and say, “we, ours, our.” You see, God has shown soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomuch favor on my life that it’s virtually impossible for me to take credit for anything that I’ve done. So this blog is more or less dedicated to God, myfamily, and my friends. God has seen the sins I committed and has graciously blessed me anyways. He has given me family that has sacrificed so much for me that I literally feel terrible about accepting anything from them because I feel like they are getting nothing in return for their efforts and that I don’t have enough to give back. And last but not least, my friends. They may not think that they are contributing anything but because they accept me for the clumsy, lame, scrawny nerd that I am and stays there when I have no one else, they give me that extra boost I need to get through hard times. So because God has given me opportunities, the family and friends I have, and because the family and friends have encouraged me, I can never fully take credit for anything. Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way because it keeps me humble. God says “humble is the way” and “pride goeth before destruction.” So instead of, “this accomplishment is mine,” I say, “this is our accomplishment.” So to God, my mom, dad and family, and friends (online and offline), thank you because my life has not been this good in a VERY long time. Because of you all, I’m where I am at today and believe me, it's absolutely NOTHING of my doing. I PROMISE YOU ALL, I will pay you back,10 fold.