Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Aug 26 2007, 11:59 am / MOOD: Mellow

Hello anxious people everywhere..I have not been on this site or in fact the internet forever..I have been working out of state for awhile on a big industrial plant but I'm back now...earlier than I expected...I should have never let my roomate use my computer...no respect for my PC...foocker :) well Hope to talk to all of u soon

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DATE: Dec 17 2006, 7:15 pm / MOOD: Don't know

Well I finally got some help again and stopped my  drug abuse...I had to fight the hardest person in the world to try and get help; myself...I'm back with my old NA group and they have helped through the withdrawal process and thank god for my family.....I felt at first like the biggest disgrace because my mother and father grew up around this type of behavior and the last persons I wanted to know I was using again was my mom and dad....they both grew up in sh*tty households..and somehow I sometimes feel like I let them down. I feel like they did the best they could for me but they ask themselves how could we let this happpen to our son but it is not them at all only myself. My mom and Dad had a long talk with me and I feel alot better now since I have become open with them again.....I have had alot of sh*t hit the fan all at  once and resorted to what I thought was my only friend but I know it could or would not help me just help to keep it masked until I was either dead or might as well be dead..I'm not gonna end up like alot of friends and family members that I know ....I'm gonna stay clean and this is finally for good..I'm sick of it all and I have to change....

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DATE: Dec 14 2006, 9:53 pm / MOOD: Disappointed

Over the past few weeks everything has unfolded all at once....I can't explain it or its extreme personal circumstances but I just could not cope with reality anymore. I felt like either jumping off a bridge or doing drugs to get away from it all....I guess I chose drugs..I knew i should have got help but I just f@cked myself with my own ignorance of me convincing myself everthing was all right when it's not. I told myself I would never go back to drugs but now they are controlling me more everyday ......If there is a god please help you f@cking asshole...how could you make my life and so many others miserable if your out there....I'm just mad at my own weakness...I'm on the verge of not having a job if I keep up the way I'm going and loosing everything I have ...WTF..I need to get some serious help and I think I am..I can't go on living like this if this is what you call living..well this is my f@cked up blog beanz out

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DATE: Nov 05 2006, 10:11 am / MOOD: Bored

well today is my 21st day of working non-stop....I really need to take a break from work......yeah sure it's good money but definitely not good on my mind....I'm starting to freak out....now I gotta be in work within the next hour and feel like calling in but I never do. Sure everyone loves that I can work when they want me to but the only problem is I just don't know how to say "NO". That is my friggin problem. when someone asks me can you work OT I always say yeah sure but in the back of my head I say why the hell do you want to work more OT..your killing yourself man..ahhhh I swear next week I'm not working more than 50 hours but i'll find out next week ahhh what a headcase I am sometimes.

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DATE: Oct 28 2006, 12:29 pm / MOOD: Don't know

Hi everybody..well I'm going to a halloween party tonight and I think it will be fun hopefully...... other than that it is just another one of them days...nothing worse than when your depressed and it's raining outside..lol now coming to think of it; it's probably worse when your depressed and its sunny out..you feel like you don't belong, at least with this sh*tty weather we are having, it matches my state of mind..awkwardly comforting. Well everybody on this forum try and have a good day

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DATE: Oct 25 2006, 8:34 pm / MOOD: Other

Next time I see my doc..i gotta ask for some sleep meds that will help me sleep.....I had taken seroquel and lunesta for awhile it just wore me down...it's a funny friggin thing I seem to be more functionnal in my insomniatic mood but man; what I would give for a real good nights sleep..I feel like an old man sometimes my body just don't want to move on

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DATE: Oct 18 2006, 3:57 pm / MOOD: Don't know

Well yesterday I worked my ass off for 17 hours running on 1 hour of fleackin sleep.....luckily I caught up with 4 hours last night..damn insomnia..I'm feeling

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DATE: Oct 16 2006, 3:57 pm / MOOD: Don't know

today was a pretty decent day at work besides actually waiting in freakin traffic to get there....6:30 in do morn and there is traffic WTF..anyways I just wanted to say how much I hate traffic...can I get an amen!!!!!!

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DATE: Oct 15 2006, 3:24 am / MOOD: Lonely

....it seems that although I have friends and family around me that are good to be around I feel a deep void of emptiness that I can't explain. The emptiness maybe some of you can understand. my struggles of just a simple day. Of constantly pushing myself to wake up everyday and go to work or just trying to convince myself it's ok you will get through this..suck it up... what the hell is wrong with you look at everyone else chatting it up looking happy why can't i be them...then I realize that botomless pit of emptiness that fills my head again with a blender of thoughts that ceast to end

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