DATE: Feb 22 2011, 8:38 am / MOOD: Sad
I have never been much of an emotionally or physically intimate person but I always chalked it up to just being my personality. I grew up watching bad relationships and I never want to make those mistakes that so many people have made, I thought I had it all figured out but now there seems to be a much bigger cause to it. I go through phases where I really would like to find a boyfriend but I don't because i've never been happy in a relationship and sometimes think I never will be, but last night I decided to give one guy a chance. I do really like him as well and I went to his house so we could talk and after I had been there for about half an hour he tried to kiss me and I got nervous when he did so I said no and made up the excuse that I had only been there a little while and to give me some time and he was a perfect gentleman about it and said that it was ok and he didn't want to make me uncomfortable but I don't really understand why I said no. I really like him he's a great guy I should want him to kiss me right? When I thought about it this morning it all came together, i'm always like that even when I was dating a guy for over a year I always tried to avoid kissing and intercourse as much as possible it just made me nervous. I want to have healthy, happy relationships like everybody else but it doesn't seem to be possible for me. I don't know what to do, in my head it all seems so easy but when it comes down to it I always avoid intimacy. I've started to analyze the way I am when it comes to boyfriends and I've created these impossibly high standards that I believe will bring me a happy relationship but i'm starting doubt the reality of it all maybe it's just a fear of intimacy stopping me from being happy. How do I get over this? I have no background of sexual abuse so it makes no sense to me why I would get so nervous.
| Leave A Comment