Anxiety

have you talked to a therapist about this?  it's very common for people with low seratonin levels to view their physical selves as irrationally unattractive.  it's funny, in different moods i see different reflections in the mirror.

more importantly, how you treat yourself is much more important than your weight.  it's true what they say, you have to accept yourself and love yourself for what you are.  when i give into self-loathing i always gain weight.  but when i'm confident and self-loving, i slowly and healthily get in better shape.

i'm sorry if this sounds preachy.  it just sounds like you're suffering and that makes me sad.  the hardest thing most of us need to learn is to be our own best friend!  please don't judge yourself!  

 if i have too much to say it's probably because i struggle with this a lot myself!

good luck!  take care of yourself!  *hugs*