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Nov 10 2008, 1:01 pm / Other
Body language, I watch where peoples eyes go, if they look down I wonder what they are looking at, then I think if its something I notice is there, then im thinking are they wondering aswell. Or if I look them in the eyes do they think that is strange then I think that is strange, then I have to look away, then I look away or focus on something else I wonder if they think im not listening, cause im not looking at them, or if I look at them then I look down, are they thinking I was looking at something and then I cant stop thinking about it. But I also think because I think something that everyone can see what I am thinking by how my body is, or how my eyes are, are they soft or are they intense type thing. I guess I think its like a bullseye I think it there fore I know its there and I wonder if everyone else can see its there then are they thinking about it, what are they thinking about. See body language I picked up with the psychologist yesterday she took a deep breath, I picked up on that, and I was thinking hmm, did she wonder if I heard it what do I think about it, then I was thinking hmm isn’t that a sign a deep breath means calming down…. I sound paranoid don’t I? actually at the moment I am running slightly manic/hyper…. This has been written at the speed of light… actually perhaps I should have been cluey it was coming I started feeling shaky before, cause I was trying not to worry about something but by trying to not, I actually thought about it, which triggered the good old body responses, hence the shakes now, (that and I drank a bit last night.. A bit too much… so as it is fully leaving my system… nothing at all left to calm the nervous system down, like ahh nice and relaxed 12 hrs… slowly winding up again… but its cause it’s a fake relaxed, that’s why it springs back on me - I can tell myself anything - that’s why it comes back 3 fold type thing, rather than the slow and steady everyday anxiety symptoms, like a returning freight train, plus it most likely numbed me out enough that I forgot my neck.. Or its tense and tight and pressure on the nerves….hmmm…it has done a rather nice job of coming on gradually not the moment I woke, so that is a bonus I guess.)…. So I was still trying to not be bothered by it, and thought I was doing a good job…hmm not so much….oh and my neck is being its usually charming self, so feel light headed and feral every now and then…. Or its anxiety, or its both…
I think too much…. I give me a headache….
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