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Nov 02 2008, 3:57 am / Tired
I have written somewhere, before the reference im not here, i never was.... im feeling it again thats all, or maybe its just i am aware of it... anyway, i dont like the feeling of drifting with my mind like this, i call it autopilot.... i feel like i am filling days.... anyway, i hope somehow i guess the meds will somehoe kick in and help to ease this feeling, think its just from the mad ass anxiety kick from beginning taking them.... anyway....
I ended up off and around searching things last night on the net... handy little resource i think, but in the wrong hands can be hell, in an anxious persons case it can ease a mind, or make it worse, again not the point, i was looking up psychological therories and such, anyway i stumbled onto a couple of things that were helpful, well for how long is anyones guess, cause i seem to find things to help one problem, then i find another 11 problems in its place, then start fixing them, and forget to keep implementing the things for the first plan, and start on the new one.... so really no wonder i feel im going nowhere...
Anyway a couple of things i came across anyway... One is Ironic reversal.... ok its the trying not to think of something, which only makes us not be able to think of something else. Ok so what i found was - When we are trying to avoid doing, saying or thinking about something, we often find that this is impossible.
This is because of the 'Catch 22' situation that in order to avoid thinking about something, we need to know what we are trying to avoid and hence we have to think about it. The situation then gets worse as our failure to succeed causes us to work harder at the task.
The thought can also act as a block against other thoughts. When searching for a word for a particular situation, the more available words that pop into our minds first become more available and consequently keep coming back when we try to think of other words.
As we get worn out by this fruitless task, our ability to control the situation weakens, we get stuck in the cycle and thinking can easily turn into saying and doing. Repetition also tends to strengthen our belief in what we are thinking, as in Mere Exposure Theory.
This spiral can easily fall into obsessive-compulsive behaviors and many psychological disorders include an inability to stop thinking about something uncomfortable.
Example : When you are trying to solve a crossword puzzle or quiz question, even though your first idea is not right, it gets in the way of you finding the correct answer.
How to get out of it : (and really a der... but anyway) The way out of the trap is not to try. It's like going to sleep: the more you try, the more you can't. The trick is to not be bothered about it, reducing the stress.
and really is the truth and helps me to explain when i say i am spinning on something.... so now to not be bothered by it.... far easier said than done, but i guess sometimes i keep trying to find the answers, i find when i try to force things, i struggle to find it, i leave it alone it pops in at some point the answer i am looking for.... like those sudoku problems, and any logic problems, i dont usually keep going with trial and error and then this goes here, then that there, and if that does that then that does that, cause that just confuses me more, and frustrates the f@ck outta me. So i tend to just stare at it, those types of things, then the answer jumps out at me eventually...
Maybe this is what this fog is right now, its me staring blankly at it, trying to find an answer, only prob is with this one i think i need the help.... Interesting...
The other thing i found, was something on anger.... now i can have some mad anger, and i tend to see red (well i am a red head), i do not lash out at people (well i have, but i wasnt first) but sometimes something will just anger me (othertimes it wont), and ill get so angry, like i can get so frustrated with an xbox game, i can get so angry at myself... doesnt matter, explaining it, you dont really need to know....
Anyway this thing said that anger is the reaction to hide something else, to hide another emotion, whether it be pride, or hurt, but we react with anger. So i began to ask myself, what emotion am i covering up (this is where my mild borderline comes in, so i guess i am working on that...), what part of me is somehow hurt, what is the emotion that i do not understand, or do not know how to express, that is where my anger comes from. I actually think this could be a very big break through with things. I am going to keep this in mind for the next visit to psychologist, maybe i will email her this.... so in reference to my anger at myself when playing a game, its pure frustration at me not being able to get it, to either messing up with reactions or something, which i guess ultimately comes down to maybe im too hard on myself, after all it is just a game isnt it.... that type of thing....
Anyway just something i found last night that was interesting that i had more time to think on today, cause well when do i not think....lol
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