Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Apr 22 2012, 6:22 am / MOOD: Other

hi guys, sry about the unpositive blog yesterday, i got very caught off gaurd by my depression, i had been making lots of progress with it but like an idiot i got complacent and had been missing doses of my medication, this has come to bite me on the ass and im now paying for it. ive had a crazy night and now feel slightly insane but im sure i will bounce back, and if i dont you have permission to eat me to stay alive....hang on worng scenario , im sure you will pull me through....thats better.

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DATE: Apr 21 2012, 12:18 pm / MOOD: Other

well after an afternoon of trying to combat my social phobias and heading out with a group life decides to remind me that it can be a horrible b@stard and beat me into submission..to say morale is at a low aint even close. seriously cant be bothered.

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DATE: Apr 21 2012, 6:21 am / MOOD: Other

well i finally think ive watched every manga thats every been made anime possible, its been fun but now i i now feel like an acid casualty from the sixties and am having flashbacks....if i see one more person split in two only to contain a giant spider i think i will go insane. time to get back to reality and decorate my house....with the blood of demons muuuhahahaha .... ok thats enough now, im doing it white.

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DATE: Apr 19 2012, 3:25 pm / MOOD: Other

uuuugh i feel sick..ive got a fever of doom and i nearly threw up on my cat much to his suprise and my housemates amusement , i think the tentacle transformation hypothesis is coming true..either that or its zombie apocolypse time and im the first convert, if thats the case then im gonna go get the mayonnaise ready and start munching brain...i think the laughing clown sat across the room is first...mmmm nom

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DATE: Apr 18 2012, 4:33 pm / MOOD: Bored

After a few hours watching manga i have come to the concluion that i am having anxiety because at some point i will just split open and there will be some crazy tentacle beast in there...ansd yes i really am that bored

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DATE: Apr 14 2012, 2:49 pm / MOOD: Other

you know those days when you think everyone hates you all of a sudden..this is one of those days. everyone is ignoring my calls and txt messages and the people who do reply are giving me one word texts. great now my cat wont come near me.....NOOOOOOOO!!!!. oh hang on he came back, maybe im just being paranoid today? that or they arent really my freinds but work for the government and are here to kill me.

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DATE: Apr 12 2012, 5:11 am / MOOD: Curious

my therapist has been doing graded exposure work with me and been getting me to gradually leave the safety of the surrounding area of my home, i panic like a trooper if i go anywhere that isnt within 20 mins of my home.

weve taken 2 trips by train so far and im doing great! ive woken feeling insanely brave!!! should i attempt it on my own?? ive never done that before!!! what should i do!!!!!! ....... F**K THIS IM GOING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

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DATE: Apr 10 2012, 6:23 am / MOOD: Tired

well this last few days had been a bit tougher than expected, kind of got hit by a huge depressive episode , its not letting up at all really and pretty hard to handle i must say, my head is mashed from it, im trying to manage the intrusive thoughts of suicide by replacing them with comical endings, its kind of working but im now getting repetative images of me falling from great heights and landing in custard ;/

im sure it will let up soon and give me a break, got therapy today so hopefully i will get some more tips to push through it, the panics arent showing up today and the suns just come out so things are looking up!!

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DATE: Apr 04 2012, 4:02 pm / MOOD: Other

i sure do hate it when you get looked down on by people who know nothing about you. this is like the second time in two months this has happened

i was out having lunch with my friend mike today, i was anxious but decided to push myself out anyway, i spent the day doing the old therapy stuff, you know..visualisation blah blah , when his friends show up and sit with us.

the next thing you know im getting interagated by what seems like the gestapo, what do you do for a living?...why dont you work?...well you seem alright?... but your out having coffee so you cant be that bad?...i would just pull myself together...dont you feel like you havent acheived anything in your life?..

well that was it, to say i wasnt slightly miffed was an understatement so i kind of let rip with something along these lines..

in 12 years of having severe depression anxiety and intrusive thoughts ive been through 2 intensional overdoses each time waking up with no one at my hospital bed due to my family not understanding my illness and not wanting to know me , then getting hospitalised because of the mental health act ,went through 2 year relationship with a girl who beat the p*ss out of me everyday then getting me jumped by 3 guys because she was a nutter and wanted me to kill myself but staying with her because i was an emotional wreck who couldnt be alone, lost my home and sleeping on floors for a year all whilst ill with severe anxiety and depression, had a heavy alcohol and drug habbit that put me in hospital countless times then lost my best friend to drugs. I was a physical wreck and only weighed 120 pounds.

in 2 years ive quit drugs and now alcohol all with no help apart from the E.R for the withdrawals, im now in regular therapy, ive got a new home new friends ive changed my lifestyle i train every otherday and now weigh 160,i still have all the same symtpoms but remain positive about life and always try and see the best in people no matter how bad im treated or how bad i feel so i understand that you are making a bad judgement about me because there was a lack of information but now you are more informed if you still feel that isnt an acheivement in itself then you sir can f**k right off

aaaaahhh lifes good sometimes lol

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DATE: Mar 26 2012, 8:57 am / MOOD: Thankful

seriously this can only happen to me. picture this, your with your therapist who is doing graded exposure with you and she finally convinces you to get on a train which is like your worst nightmare, your doing well and maintaining a good level, you get off the train and the return train is right there, your therapist steps on to ask if its the right train and what happens...yes..the doors close and your therapist is now looking at her once calm as a hindu cow patient but now stood mouthing the words what a pile of f***ing sh*t as the trian departs. im home now after 2 hours of intense self help and a lot of digging deep and am now laughing because my therapist looks more anxiuos than i am hehe!

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