May 03 2012, 1:10 pm / Other
Last night or this morning at around 5am or so which was the same time I felt weird the night before I started to feel panicky and like everything was moving again. I felt totally out of it. My boyfriend tried to help me and I wanted to tell him what was wrong. It was really really difficulty to form words. I was able to talk but I had to think about what I wanted to say then literally force it out of my mouth. It felt so hard to talk. I'm pretty sure I sounded normal though apart from the long gaps in sentences and words. I was terrified to go to the bathroom aswell and my boyfriend got out of bed because I was afraid I would collapse and not be able to call out. He didn't come with me but he was ready to run to me if I needed him I guess.
I was so scared but he calmed me down and I fell back to sleep quick enough. Now I have a new fear of not being able to speak. I hope that it doesn't happen again tonight. I'm worried it's a side effect of the tablets which I haven't been worrying much about lately. I even think theyre making me happier during the day. I don't want to have to change tablets as I'll start all over again with the paranoia and stuff so hopefully they settle down soon.
I have an assignment due tomorrow which I unfortunately don't have much done of. I just can't focus. My concentration is so bad. My boyfriend is basically dragging the words out of me. He's so good, I don't know how he puts up with me. I love him so much. I wish I could be a better girlfriend to him. A lot of the time he must feel as though he has a baby to mind or something. I really hope that once college is over I can be a better person for him and me.