Anxiety Self Help

DATE: May 13 2013, 11:07 pm / MOOD: Other

he is dead and i miss him terribly today in particular

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DATE: Feb 21 2013, 1:15 am / MOOD: Other

I haven't blogged in a long time. Mostly because I've become lazy and do absolutely nothing everyday except play Minecraft. As you can imagine, that has caused weight gain, more depression etc. etc.

Yes I have had crazy moments where I grabbed a knife and was tempted to do something stupid. My boyfriend minds me though. I wouldn't really ever do it though, couldn't leave him after his friend dying. I just sometimes get it in my head. I think maybe if I do something really stupid, they'll put me somewhere that can fix me.

My meds aren't doing a thing I think. Not for the Agoraphobia anyway. Its torture leaving my apartment. My legs get heavy and tired as though I've walked for ages, my throat gets dry and I feel like everyone behind me is going to stab me or touch me or something. Everyone else is staring at me.... yes I know this is all ilogical but when I leave the apartment everything becomes terrifying.

I want to be normal and okay. I want to care about things, have the drive to really try find a job, lose weight and be a better person. I have none of those things. My motivation is zilch, my energy is zilch... there is nothing.

I thought finally being diagnosed and getting medication would fix this problem. I thought knowing what was wrong would help. Nothing helps. I'm fighting a losing battle....wait thats wrong... I'm losing and I dont care,,,I'm lying on the battlefield waiting to die.

How can someone change that part of me? I cant remember ever being motivated by anything but anxiety. I got good grades because I was afraid to fail. I went to college to do a course I hated because I didn't want to waste my parents money on nothing and leave. Nothing I do is ever based on anything but fear so now that I'm resonably free from all that structure it seems nothing motivates me... at all.

I feel like an empty shell, I used to write stories and poetry, I used to feel like I would someday be something, now I feel as though my life is just headed straight for death. I'm wasting my life away. I hate myself

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DATE: Dec 06 2012, 12:50 pm / MOOD: Other

I had my appointment at the day hospital yesterday. Basically it was just an analysis of me in general. He told me I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which I already knew, Agoraphobia, social anxiety and depression due to it all. He is referring me to a councellor for cognitive behavioural thereapy. He also increased my dosage of cymbalta from 60 mg to 80. He perscribed me with lyicria which I am to take when I am haveing a bad anxiety attack. I don't really know how I feel about anything, I'm sort of switched off.

Yesterday I felt so anxious going. My legs were killing me all day because I was anxious and tensing them. I just want to be better I hope the CBT works. I need something to make me actually be able to live.

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DATE: Nov 29 2012, 9:40 pm / MOOD: Other

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DATE: Nov 25 2012, 10:42 pm / MOOD: Other

what people who dont get it do ; http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/4-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-someone-having-a-panic-attack/

This is my family. I wish I could make them understand. Somehow them treating me like it's something I made up myself makes me feel so much worse. I've even started acusing my boyfriend of not believing me, I'm doubting everyone. I feel like they all think I'm a fool. My mother says to stop researching anxiety on the internet because I'll start imagining different symptoms :S and my sister says I shouldn't be on this website reading about everyone elses anxiety because it would make me worse. My dad doesn't usually say much at all, he's usually comforting to be honest but I really think he agrees with them. I know I shouldn't care what other people think but they're my family. I wouldn't make this up and I'm definitely not imagining it. It's something that feel so rotten, it literally makes me feel like sh*t. I just want them to understand and care.

Maybe this sounds petty but when my sister was diagnosed with depression they did everything possible to help her. I know I'm older and moved out but I feel like they're dismissing my problems. They don't see how I am, I don't let them. My boyfriend is the only one who knows truely how bad I get. I just want them to know so that I can feel their support is genuine. I need them. I can't do this on my own and putting all of this on my boyfriend is so unfair. I am constantly afraid that he's going to realise one day that he can't handle me anymore. If I could get away from myself I would, :( , unfortunately that's impossible.

I am sleeping so much I get headaches now. I don't see the point of getting up. My dreams are so fun or interesting. Much more interesting than my life. In my dreams I am strong and I help people. I am not this weak horrible person that I am when I open my eyes.

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DATE: Nov 13 2012, 8:38 pm / MOOD: Other

Please. I can't take this sh*t anymore.

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DATE: Nov 12 2012, 8:20 pm / MOOD: Other

Does anyone else have a problem where when they click on the forums they don't come up. I often see things on the home page that I would like to read and see people I want to help but cant :(

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DATE: Oct 29 2012, 8:35 pm / MOOD: Other

My doctor made me an appointment for a day hospital. It is not for a while. What does this entail? Has anyone else been to a day hospital? I'd really like some information on it. I don't like knowing what is going to happen. I need to know as much as possible before I go. I may have to go alone :(

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DATE: Oct 24 2012, 10:23 pm / MOOD: Lonely

I have been a member on this for a long time and eventually decided to start my own blog. I have a website which I post pics and blogs saying how I feel. I really want to get more members who will also have permission to post pics and blogs so I can hear your stories and also comments. I really would like to fill the site with more than just things about myself. I want to read other peoples blogs on it too. Please join and I'm always open to suggestions.

http://anxietygirl.webs.com/

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DATE: Oct 11 2012, 7:19 pm / MOOD: Anxious

My anxiety has gotten so much worse. My medication seems to be working at a minimal level. I feel like my world has gotten smaller and if I reach beyond my little world I wont be able to handle it. Tightness of throat, breathing quickly, looking around imagining everyone is watching me, eating too much, getting too fat, living a pointless small life, helping no one. dying inside.

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