Apr 27 2012, 10:45 pm / Frustrated
I wasn't planning on posting another entry tonight, But I've been thinking about this for a few times, But then I forget to write about it...So, might as well since it's on my mind...And I have nothing else to do in this goddamn place.
Anyway, I'm not sure if it's only me or not but...Is it hard for anyone else to actually talk in chat rooms? Like...I know it sounds stupid, But even though in chat rooms or forums your not actually talking to someone face-to-face, I still get so anxious.
Most of the time, I'll enter one and end up just watching as everyone else and what the conversation is, But I get to scared and so I don't type anything, Or I will for a while but then I get lost in the conversation when there's more people and they forget about me, Or I don't want to make an idiot of myself and I don't reply.
So again the conversation will continue, But I just watch not knowing what to do. It makes my heart ache, and my social anxiety just increases and the negative thoughts re-appear and I just bash myself for being so stupid
Not even being able to make a conversation, even though it's just typing and not actually face-to-face or over the phone. I feel so pathetic, and just....Ugh I don't know.
I also don't want to say or type something the wrong way and piss someone else. It's already hard to express what I feel or mean to someone when I talk to them in person or on the phone, so it's a thousand times harder to do that when i'm texting, or typing y'know?
Even now I'm not sure how to express it, or how to put it into words from my actual thoughts...On top of everything,It's just another thing that frustrates me, and it might seem like a small thing or just plain stupid to others but it's one of many things that I've always struggled with...
So...That's it I guess, I'm not even sure if i'll get an answer for this problem or if anyone else feels this way, But I guess I just had to get it out? Eh...Sorry, Well see everyone later I guess..