Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Sep 28 2012, 11:09 am / MOOD: Don't know

Helloos, I havent been here for a long time, Ive been busy and moving and ect ect...Still have anxiety like crazy, sometimes better than others.

Now im dealing with an ex that did me wrong trying to make up for all those times and a new boyfriend that is wonderful. I have care and love my ex but im not in love with him and hes trying everything he can to win me back, Im so confused. Blah, And on top of that work is stressful. I cant deal with issues i use to anymore. I just feel like my world is a circle of crap. And it never ends.

-sigh-

I just hope it get better, like i have been wishing for a long time.

Hope everyong it good!

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DATE: Apr 11 2012, 7:54 am / MOOD: Don't know

Ok, so ive been working so much that i dont have time to get on here as much as i would like, I work nights so i sleep pretty much all day and when im off i stay up as much as i can but it gets ruff and i end up passing out haha, anyways..as of late things have been good.

I havent been getting much anxiety, only when it has to deal with my boyfriend sometimes and bills, but i actually got recently a newer car which is awesome and ive been working to get my stuff paid off, sometimes is harder than others but thats life. Ive been trying to keep myself postivie and thinking that everything will turn out ok, As for my bf..well im still paranoid about all the crap before (the texting other gals crap) and im starting to realize i dont want to put up with that anymore, i cant be with someone that im going to be paranoid everytime he texts someone or what hes doing when im not around, i cant do it, and he might not be but from pervious times that what makes me crazy now. I keep my mouth shut about it but i know myself and eventually im going to blow up. So im trying to figure out what to do. Lately when we hangout hes been treating me very well..but even then that makes me paranoid he did something and thats why hes acting that way and i should think like that...ugh

Anyways..I hope everyone is doing good and i want to say once again that this group has helped me and ways you can believe...

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DATE: Mar 30 2012, 7:11 pm / MOOD: Content

So its been a while that I have writtien on here...oh boy. Welp ive been trying to learn how to cope with my anixety lately..Ive been working out alot more and trying to not be around drama as of late. But of course I still have my moments..Other than that ive been trying to figure out what im going to do about my life and my relationship..but im sure ill figure things out as they come. ....well i hope everyone is all well :)

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DATE: Mar 14 2012, 7:55 am / MOOD: Don't know

...I have alot running through my mind at the moment, and its just probably the anxiety making my head spin. I honestly dont know..so anyways. Im at my bf house, i spent the night last night because its been a while since ive been here due to working and i wanted to spend sometime with him, I was laying in bed watching tv like we usually do and i found a little tiny stud looked like the end of on earring or something, i dont know..of course my head jumps to conclusions and i start thinking that i dont have an earring thats like that and i havent been here in a while so ..whats up?...

I stop and realize how freaked out I started making myself feel and realzied that the stud could be from anything...I hate the fact that im having issues, Ive talked about things that have lead to the " lack of trust" in my first blogs and I still cling on and hope that everything is ok. I showed him the stud and he looked at it and said he had to idea where that came from and just threw it away. it didnt seem awkward about it or anything so i just dropped it in my mind. Im i being crazy? I know hes done stuff in the past and maybe that gives me the right to be, but i hate it. I just want to not worry who hes talking to or whatnot. other than the bull crap i love being with him and spending time with him. I dont know im so confused about everything, i feel like im just losing my mind about everything these days.

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DATE: Mar 09 2012, 8:51 pm / MOOD: Sad

Bleh. So once agian Im having issues with this whole being lonely thing...I know that my bf lives 20min away but damn he could come visit after work, even if its for an hour or so. I always have to go over there and i cant now because i work nights so it would be kinda hard to go over there and drive back and get sleep. Im not freaking asking for alot here. Well that was my rant. anywho...once agian filled with anxiety. Feels like someone lit my throat on fire and they are choking me. Ugh. I just want to be happy with someone that is happy with me and dosent care whatsoever and will do anything for that to happen...and thats when my ex husband that passed away comes into play. I know hes no longer with me..but sometimes, well most of the times i wish i could be with him, or even just hear his voice...he was my best friend..and he treated me so great..he showed his love no matter what. I miss that. I know its not healthy for me to keep thinking about it but i cant help it. Ugh....sucks

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DATE: Mar 06 2012, 2:35 am / MOOD: Okay

Welp its been about a week since ive posted anything on here. Last week i got super sick, fever ..the works..i was pretty much dead to the world. I slept for two whole days, felt like i was alone for the most part because noone came to visit...which is fine i dont wanna get anyone sick, but not even my boyfriend..he said he would and never did..which sucks. But it is what it is. I had to fend for myself and dont get me wrong i can take care of myself but it would be nice to bw taken care of. I would go out of my way to do anything if he was sick. But anywho..other than that, im feeling better, still haveing my anxiety and depression moments ugh..I get so down and out, mostly when im alone. It sucks, and sometimes i get awful thoughts that run through my head..i just wish my life would be simple and finally would work itself out already.

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DATE: Feb 24 2012, 12:01 pm / MOOD: Okay

Welps this weeks has been good...SOMEwhat....So on wends i had a flew blown attack. The night before I had anxiety when i went to bed...Which i knew that going to bed anixety was a bad thing and i was right. I woke up worse. I had stayed at my boyfriends house and I told him that i was feeling anxious so he put his hand on my chest by my heart and that actualy felt comfy so I calmed down a slight bit but when i woke up, it was bad, all the usual symptoms. And the worst part of it is that i was alone and i had noone to talk to, I couldnt even post anything on here because for some reason the website wasent working and wouldnt let me post anything so..everyone was at work or busy and i was going out of my mind. I didnt know what to do. i just wanted to lay in bed in a ball and never come out of the room...so eventually i calmed down and realzied that i was fine..everytime i go into an attack i become this other person...and i hate it. Im usually bubbly and happy and sometimes the life of the party, the person that has the most energy and is up for any crazy adventure but lately anxiety has killed that for me. When i get anxious i become this depressed, sad, not a care in the world feeling and I hate that so much. I just want to be normal.

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DATE: Feb 21 2012, 3:23 pm / MOOD: Don't know

well i know alot of people are insecure or have bad self esteem, so im shouting out, I have a big issue with the way I look, yes i do go to the gym and i do work out and i have lost quite a bit of weight BUT..i feel like im never happy in the end. Im a curvy woman and thats not going to go away, Im puerto rican its in my blood..lol but i know i can get skinner and look better. But even now that i have lost weight i still feel like crap. ughh i dont know what i can go to feel better about myself. I color my hair every other month because thats one thing i love doing..ive been every color in the book lol but thats besides the point. what can i do..

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DATE: Feb 19 2012, 8:53 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

So..yesterday i went to a VNV Nation show, it was soooo awesome. Totally had fun and no anxiety whats so ever! After i went to a club with the friends was with and when i went to check in on my phone on foursquare, as some might know, when you check in, it will tell you the other people who have checked in...well when i looked..i noticed that one of the girls that my bf was and is texting was there...so of course thats all i could think about..ugh yup..there goes my night. Long story short...i spotted her..and when i did...anger ran through my body. I didnt do anything but oh boy my mind was racing....ugh. Great day and night except that.

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DATE: Feb 17 2012, 9:54 am / MOOD: Anxious

Alright...so. I wake up with minor anxiety. Everything i think about just causes it to get worse and worse. Im alone and i dont know what to do. Im behind in bills because i was out of work for two weeks, which dosent sound like alot but it is, when your living paycheck to paycheck and you have people breatheing down your back for money because things have to get paid. Sucks to think money has alot to do with anxiety as well. And now im working but payday cant come soon enough. I feel like i can never catch up. :( ugh....sometimes i think im never going to get through this and it drives me insane. On top with everything else...and i might add...at my apartment...my upstairs neighbors dont know the meaning of walking lightly and they have kids and it sounds like they are constantly haveing a marathon..that alone drives me up the wall. Just saying

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