Anxiety

Well hello everyone. Some of you know me and alot of you don't. Since my dad past away on the 4th of this month I just feel like I am sinking into a deep dark pit that will not let me out. I have GAD,PTSD and the fear of death phobia. I was put on effexor xr and started with 37.5 mg I was on that for a week,then i started the 75 mg and was on that for 5 days and I started seeing changes and I developed all the side effects of effexor. I had tremors,I felt very very mad for no apparent reason and at random times,I would wke up and my bed sheets would be soaked with sweat so bad that I had to actually get up and change my sheet and take a shower to cool off,I had severe panick attacks and was so afraid to even step outside my door of my home. At one point I even thought I had serotonin syndrome,I still have some symptoms of it but as some of you may know there is no test to prove that you actuall have that or not so I have no clue. So they wanted to ween me off effexor and switched me back to the 37.5 mg and called me in a script for the 37.5 for 5 days and I felt so bad after taking the 3rd day's pill that i decided that reguardless to what they told me I was not gonna continue to take something that was making me worse rather then better.So yes I stopped on the 3rd day of 5,because cause for 1 why should I take something that was causing problems for me,and 2 I had some .25 xanax that I take on an as needed bases.

I still feel like my head is in a fog and that I still have some problems seperating what is reality and what isn't,I told my therapist that today.

I was given 1 mg of xanax and I was told to take 1 ever 6 hours. The .25 work as far as my anxiety and panic attacks are concerned but taking the .25 mg of xanax I get maybe 4 hours sleep if I'm lucky and while i was on effexor i could sleep an easy 8 or 9 hours. I have gotten used to the .25 xanax as far as driving and can manage well I just feel a little high but i am functional.

My family doctor decided the other day that he wants to try me on celexa 20 mg for a month. My question is,why should I take another pill that has the same side effects as the medication I was just weened off of ? I guess it might be all in my head about the medication but I just don't understand why must i be on an anti depression when I can treat the depression on my own and they can treat the anxiety/panic with something that helps me. I have always treated my own depression on my own without medication. Seems like they make more money on pills then actually listning to you tell them what works for you. I know xanax can be very addictive but I take them on an as needed basis and I never been a big one on drugs or nothing in my life,so i feel xanax can treat my anxiety/panic attacks and I will treat my depression. They just want to do it all I guess for the kick back on medication they get from it. Enough of that.

I also have problems sleeping now due to waking up and feeling funny. I fel as though I have to count something when I wake up abruptly and I think I will start journaling my feelings at 4:00 am in the morning when I wake up and can't figure out what is going on with me. I know for 1 I am very disoriented and I remember having to count something but I don't quiet remember what it is that I was counting. I will blog my first night which will be tonight so those of you that want to read it will have the oppurtunity to do so.

I worry about losing my mind alot and since I have started on effexor thats how I feel. On a good note,I did go out yesterday at 12:00 noon,I went to my mates house and i didn't get back home until 8:00 pm last night. I had fun with my mates and I even drove myself.

I know I have GAD but I think for my own sanity I will ask my doc for a full CBC or otherwise known as a complete blood count to rule out something that is wrong versus anxiety. I will also ask for a stomach scan and a check and back xray I want to know for sure nothing is seriously wrong with me but I have been told by my doctor that it's all anxiety.

Well if anyone has any words of encouragement please reply as I am slowly losing my mind or I feel as though I am.

If anyone needs help as far as how I treat my own depression,please feel free to write me on my page.

Thanks and GOD BLESS EVERYONE.

Tam xxxx

My Comments From: katyellis76 Jun 26 2009, 8:13 am well im really sorry for your loss i can only imagine how u must be feel n and the meds sound crazy it must b hard to deal with but im happy that u went out and had fun just know that life still goes on and to remeber the good times thats what anyone would wish for when they pass i hope u start feel n better and your not crazy lol take care and ill pray for u and your family have a good day/night = D - KATELYN - From: Dee123 Jun 25 2009, 8:18 pm Oh My.....they have really jerked you around huh....... You are not out of your mind......just confused and a bit stoned out from the meds....You have also suffered a loss in your life....and that can be very hard on us.....you need to give yourself alot of credit I agree  with your decision to stop the effexor...you know you own body, and when something is making you sick......you should be able to tell your doctors and responsibly titrate down and get off it........I don't believe that all doctor's know what they are doing...... Each med has a different feel....your doctor may have wanted you to try the new med to see how you would react....Let us not forget that although these drugs do not work for some of us...they do work wonders for others.  Only you can choose if you want to try it...... Xanax is good for somethings...but maybe not for sleep....... I used to feel like a guinea pig for those shrinks.....hell they just will keep trying new combo's until they find what might work for you.  It is really up to you to advocate for yourself.  I got to the point where I had had enough.....and began to do what I thought was right for me...it is a personal choice. If you are in therapy and can handle the depression with your shrink, and use the xanax in a resposible manner....than that may be the course you will choose. Bottom line.....you may know your body best..... I might suggest getting another opinion.... I am happy to hear that with all this going on in your life that you went out and had some fun with a friend......Good for you! Anyway....Have a great evening and let us know how you are doing... Dee