Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Sep 19 2008, 3:35 pm / MOOD: Tired

Today was a long day.  First I went to the doctor which I was already nervous about... then the lady  behind my car opens up her door and throws up.  PERFECT I thought!  I was so pissed.

Then the doctor was a little more painful than usual.

Then my sister was crying over her bad haircut today and was on her way to get it cut for the 7th time in the last two months.  So I went and picked her up a coffee and muffin and met her at the salon. 

Then we went to a clothes party and got some cute stuff. 

Then I talk to my mom on the phone and turns out my cousin just had a baby, and I didnt even know she was pregnant.  But, she didnt make it to the hospital and had it in a gas station parking lot.  SCARY!

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DATE: Aug 14 2008, 9:27 pm / MOOD: Angry

So, I was sitting here, eating my awesome salad that came from a bag.  When I notice there is a wasp all mixed with my ranch.  Disgusted, making the bitter beer face I spit out my salad and left it on the counter. 

 I was thinking of calling the company, but I really dont want their coupons for bee salad.  Its pretty much the last thing I want to eat. 

 Nasty

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DATE: Aug 04 2008, 4:13 pm / MOOD: Don't know

I am visiting my boyfriend in South Carolina and I am so happy to finally see him!   It had been six weeks and I couldn't stand it amymore.  We saw all the places they filmed the notebook at.  And we even trespassed on property that "noah" had built for the movie because it's still private property. 

The lexapro didnt work out for me.  I started to hear voices when I would wake up in the middle of the night, soooo I had to stop taking it.  Ive been off for about a week now and I have had some dizzy spells but thats about it.  I have felt fine other than every night when we got out to dinner I kinda freak out and get really sick to my stomach.  I hate that so much.  Tonight I am going to fix dinner though so we don't have to go anywhere.

I saw online that my old friends from my hs have picked a place to get married.   For some reason I am really nervous that I wont be invited.  On the other hand if I am invited it will probably be the first time I will see a lot of people from high school which was over for me about 6.5 years ago.  I really used to think I would be the first to get married out of my old friends because I was always in such committed relationships.  But if I do go Ill probably get really nervous because the best man was one of those serious committed relationships... eek, and Im sure his whole family will be there, which I still dont think they see me the same way they did a while back.  Ahh well nothing I can do.

I cant wait until Im 'grown up' and get married.  I just graduated from college and Im looking for work in upstate NY which Im sure Ive said before.  So I still feel in a big transision period.  I can't wait until thats over and Jeremy and I are settled... AND have a dog!  I think Ill listen to some awesome music and fold clothes and get ready to make dinner.  I hope everyone has been having a great summer. 

Oh and I am currently not taking any meds for my anxiety... which is a first for about 2 to 3 years.  Yeah, the only thing thats been bad so far is dinner and the dizziness. Well see!

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DATE: Jul 21 2008, 7:42 pm / MOOD: Excited

Lots have happened since I was last here.  I started an acid reflux med and thats helped a lot with feeling sick.  I also have gone to the doctor and switched from Zoloft to Lexipro.  I got blood drawn today to see if I have any thyroid problems as well.  Lets see what happens! 

 

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DATE: Jul 06 2008, 1:54 pm / MOOD: Happy

I am so happy to know that I am not the only one who honestly fears throwing up.  Its called emetophobia or something like that.  I really thought I was the only one.  All my friends think its really weird and stupid, and even my family makes fun on me.  Which is sh*tty.  But Im not alone and there are people who understand which makes me so happy. 

 

 

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DATE: Jul 05 2008, 7:00 pm / MOOD: Lonely

I had some bad days.  On the 3rd I got really nervous on the way home from a party and almost had my brother-in-law pull the car over so I could throw up. 

The next morning I woke up around 6:30 and was really sick.  I spent half the day sleeping.  I opted not to go out that night for the cookout.  I cried on the phone to my boyfriend and I didn't know my family was back from the cookout because this morning my nephew asked me who I was talking to last night.  I felt bad that he could hear me.  I was just so lonely because hes a few states away and angry that I was getting so nervous and sick lately.

I woke up this morning and felt a lot better.  I almost made it through the day without getting a headache, but in the past half hour my head started to hurt.  I talked to my sister and brother-in-law how I feel when I ride in cars with them and they didnt really get it.  My brother-in-law tried to clear me up in just a few sentences which I knew then he just didnt understand how horrible I feel.  On the bright side the converstation did happen on the way to Dairy Queen!

 

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DATE: Jul 02 2008, 12:59 pm / MOOD: Fearful

Today I got a message from my sister-in-law.  She said that my brother was depressed and really wants me to come see him.  I just don't think I can get on a plane, at least by myself for the first time.  But the call did leave a nice guilt trip on me.  I would totally rather drive down there.  Ugh.

Then I get a call from a staffing company.  I'm really discouraged I haven't found a job yet.  Not only that, I am really scared about the interview process.  The only screening interview I had was no fun... I totally cried afterward, and I normally don't cry, I just get sick to my stomach.  So I got an email from this guy for another follow up interview.  I would rather not work for that company but should I respond and suck it up because I need a job, or hold out for a better job at a smaller company.  Ugh... things on the brain. 

So, Im in Ohio, do I fly to Texas to see my brother?  Do I set up another phone interview with the big company?  Do I wait and have to possibly fly to NY for interviews?  (NY is the place I need to get a job)

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DATE: Jul 01 2008, 3:39 pm / MOOD: Tired

This is my first post.  I think Ill just write about my days.  I had no idea this site existed but Im really glad I found it.  Even if I dont talk to anyone, I am glad theres a place out there that I can lay my REAL thoughts down and have people understand.

Today my brother called.  He lives in Texas and I haven't seen him in over 3 years.  He asked me if I would want to come visit him.  I would really love to see him and his wife but I am so afraid of getting into an airplane. 

Normally I can't even ride in someone elses car without getting dissy, hot, then eventually sick to my stomach.  The whole feeling of not being in control... not so much, 'oh what if we crash,' its more like 'what will they think of me if I ask them to pull over to catch my breath.'  How am I going to get on a plane... theres no pulling over on a plane.  Also, I am really phobic of vomit.  I can't see it, smell it, think of it, anything and I automatically feel sick and start shaking. 

My family doesn't really get it.  I have been this way for 7 years now.  I used to be a lot worse, then I started taking Zoloft.  It's helped with the extreme mental and physical cases, but I still sometimes get really nervous.  I've gained about 50 pounds over the past 7 years, and I know it's not all from the medication. 

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