May 27 2012, 9:42 pm / Content
so i cant handle working because of my anxiety i have been on so many meds this past yr its not even funny, right now its been about 2 weeks on this new one its called depakote, it makes me feel awake, so i have to take a sleeping pill at night. i guess it helps, but i havent really put myself in any extra situations for my anxiety to take over, like going some place alone or anything along those lines. my doctors office is an hour away i cant make the ride alone, but i can handle kind of handle the waiting for a little bit, but when theres more then five people and people get close to me i just get so anxious dieing for the doctor to call my name to come back and sit in the room and talk about my meds, which i hate doing. but anyways. so like i was saying in the title i want to work, ive tried before and its just to much, way to much i cant handle it at all! so im looking for work at home, surveys? fail. maybe i could make jewlery? epic fail. so i dont really know what im gonna do but i want to work so badly! but i cant :/ and itd be amazing if i could work from home! but theres sooo many scams online that i dont even know where to start on whats real or not. like ughh idk i just want to work! i cant stand waking up every day and not having a purpose. and not having money. i love spending money, and id like to spend my own money and not someone elses. i applied for ssi and they denied me, everyones saying to apply again, so i might but i dont really see the point, i guess everyone gets denied the first time for some reason which makes no sense. but anyways, me and my fiance are doing great! hes 20 miles away for the time being and hes coming to stay tomorrow <3 i cant wait til hes working again and can come with with me. i live in my great grandmas house because i used to take care of her for money, and she had a stroke and is in the home for good and my grandma didnt want me to have to move back in with my mom so im living down here all alone, it sucks i really enjoy having friends stay for weeks at a time and having my fiance come stay but i have like no food and stuff and it sucks i hate asking people for money i usually just go over to my moms to eat. i hate having this anxiety though, like id kill to work, a normal job, my dream job was owning my own bakery and being on the food channel, epic fail there i couldnt even handle college. college was almost a yr ago, and thats when i got my anxiety, idk why though or where it came from but i got to go down to kentucky for school and i was exicted and i got there and by the third day i had a break down and got to go home. and sense september of last yr ive had anxiety disorder, really bad! :/ i wish itd go away just as fast as it came :"/ i worked before college, and i haventbeen able to sense :(
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