Anxiety Self Help

I love movies. I watch them when ever I can. Just to name a few that I really love:
King of Masks, Xia Xia: the sent down girl, star wars, LOTR, Marley and me, Innocence, Love Actually, Hancock, Iron Man, Hulk (2008), Tron.

If there is a movie you liked, ask me about it. There is a good chance I have seen it and if I have not, I always enjoy getting recommendations from people and I love talking about what we enjoyed about a movie.

I love music. I have been raised with it all my life. Every one in my family can play at least one instrument except me. I get cravings for certain music like people get cravings for certain foods.
Bob Seger has a special place in my heart. His music is the sound track to my happier memories. He has a song for every mood of mine and can bring me peace if not happiness. I would love to meet him but would probably be unable to speak to him or look him in the eye.
Just a few that I really like:
Loreena Mckennitt, Dave Matthews, Twisted Sister, Maroon 5, Voltaire,.....

I have enough books to start my own library. I have a book addiction. I can not just go into a library to drop off a book or to pick up just one. I have trouble going by a book store with out getting some thing. The only time I ever got into trouble in middle school and high school was for reading.

View All Entries |

I am a engineer working for the moment in Albuquerque, NM. I became an engineer because I had delusions of grandeur and wanted to be an astronaut. I still desperately want to be one but know that it will never happen. Right now I am just trying to survive and trying to find some security.
I can't function very well with out a cat. I had a cat named Mary from the age of about 8 to 18. She is the only reason I survived. She saved my life, my sanity, and what ever kind of soul I may have.
I had a rough childhood and thats when my anxiety started. I can't call some one I have never called before with out my heart racing and my stomach hurting. Meeting new people can scare me into tears. I once spend a morning curled up under my desk at home because I was just to terrified to move and speak. Even just registering on this site made me freak out a bit. But I am pretty sure that I am the real source of all of my problems.
I am very sarcastic most of the time. I only post about 10% of the comments/posts/emails I write, so there is a good chance that if I visited your page, I wanted to say something and didn't. I am nearly fearless in the face of everything except people. While I fear zombies, poisonous snakes and spiders, and drowning; I would rather face a zombie apocalypse on a sinking submarine with escaped poisonous snakes and spiders with face a meeting with my boss or any one else I am not comfortable with (which includes almost ever person on the plant).
I would love to travel but my fears and my financial dependency on my job constrain me. I suffer from headaches a lot and some times I get pain legs that may be from fibromyalgia. My mother and one brother are both on disability because they have severe cases of fibromyalgia. I spend most of my life feeling like I am drowning, which I have nearly done several times, but I still love the water. I worry some times that I am a hypochondriac, or that I am selfish. I need to be better, smart, more then I am. I am sure that every one has it harder then I do and that I am just weak and whinny.

I have only gone white water rafting once and I loved it and want to do it again, same with rappelling and indoor rock climbing.
Movies, books, cats, tech stuff, outer space, nature, science fiction, laughing, walking around bare foot, lying in the grass on a warm day watching the clouds float by, long walks at midnight, baking in the middle of the night, having some one drive me around at night with out talking, driving by myself on empty roads with the right songs playing, ferris wheels, circuses, playing Risk with my family and a friend, certain board games and party games, playing hide and go seek, playing on playground equipment, playing in the water, swimming in the rivers made of water fresh from the glaciers and snowy mountains, being in the forests and mountains, reading a loud or being read to

onions, people who are so confident they forget that other people are not, inconsiderate and rude people, not knowing how to do something, being told that all I need is a positive attitude or that things will get better, having to wake up after too little sleep, having to wake up to do something I don't want to do, not being good enough