Anxiety Self Help

DATE: Feb 16 2013, 3:17 am / MOOD: Lonely

Hello all my anxiety Tribe friends!! Long time, no talk!! I've been dealing with anxiety still since I've been on here. I think it's been 6 months since I've logged in! :-/ Anyway I'm just having trouble lately about travelling. I am supposed to see my sister in New Port News Virginia next week, and I am TERRIFIED driving by myself for SIX hours. I keep constantly worrying that I will have a panic attack while driving on the highway, and what if I can't do it? Has anyone ever had this problem? Worrying about travelling, or leaving town? Help please :)))

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DATE: Jun 17 2012, 2:16 am / MOOD: Anxious

I just had a really bad day today. I am feeling anxious right now as I type. Idk why this anxiety keeps creeping up on me. I almost feel like Im not here, but I am. Does that make sense? I fear I am having a nervous break-down with everything that's going on. First, my 3 year relationship ended exactly 2 weeks ago. Two, I am now responsible of paying EVERY bill. Three. My car decided to die on me and thank GOD it was only the battery! Four. My job is nothing but a piece of Sh*t place, and I hate dispise every manger in there, and all the azzholes who come and eat there. I don't understand how people can be such a bitch to a total stranger!!! I about lost my job tonight due to a party of 10 who said I was un-attentive, taking too slow, and had an attitude. REALLY??!! I pay my bills this way!! They also don't understand that they aren't the ONLY table I have to take care of! I'm sorry if your beer didn't come out in 1.2 seconds. They also don't understand that just about made me lose my job, which would have made me lose my apartment, my car, and pretty much my livlihood. I've come to the realization that PEOPLE are what cause my anxiety and panic attacks. Nobody has any compassion or patience. And, management doen't either. They just see it as "The customer's always right", and dont give two sh*t's about their employees. I'm sorry for the vent blog. I'm just dealing withA LOT of stress lately, and I seriously fear I am on the verge of having a mental break-down. Life shouldn't be this hard. The end.

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DATE: Jun 11 2012, 2:58 am / MOOD: Lonely

The weekend is OVER! Most of you are sad, but I am happy b/c it;s the most hectic for me at work. I kept myself busy working a lot this weekend, and relaxing when I get home. I even went out on a limb and had a "Girls night" tonight. It was fun. It Definetly kept my mind off of my break-up and all the drama that goes on with it. I kept feeling a panic attack wanting to come out of me a few times while hanging with the girls. It started while driving there..I think mainly b/c it was way out in the country, and it bothered me not knowing where the hell I was and I kept thinking "OMG, what if I need a hospital, and I die before we make it there b/c it's so far away" I know, LAME!! I also felt a little panic while we all were talking in the hot tub having out cocktails. It just feels crazy b/c all the drama I had to do with my ex was exactly ONE week ago. Like I said before, it feels like a tsunami hit my life in the matter of seconds. BOOM! Relationship over, and he goes to jail for putting his hands on me. He called me Saturday and was all apologetic, and I let it go in one ear and out the other. Now that it's approaching 4am in the morning, and once again, I cant sleep, and I am here with just my thoughts, and my 2 cats. I'm just starting to miss him again. I miss him next to me in bed, I miss him watching tv with me ect ect. But, there is A LOT more I don't miss than do. I went out w/ a guy Sunday afternoon for a couple hours. He lives next to my building in the same apartment complex. He's real funny, and kind, ...but, I am in NO WAY ready to date again. I just wanted to vent to somebody. I'm tired of panic attacks sneaking their way into me. My life is just turned upside down right now, and I'm trying to find all the pieces. Take care my tribe friends~!!!

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DATE: Jun 08 2012, 11:30 pm / MOOD: Mellow

Today was good for me. I went to work and we were pretty busy. I had a good attitude the whole night and laughed a lot. When I first gotthere, and I was waiting on my first table, I felt a little panic coming on. But, before it could get any worse, I had my whole section full, and I didn't have time to think about my anxiety. WHewww. dodged that bullet. haha. I hope everyone has a stress free, anxiety free, and panic free weekend!

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DATE: Jun 08 2012, 12:59 am / MOOD: Sad

Once again, today was pretty good for me for the most part. I distracted myself by visiting an old friend and we went to ride horses. I almost had a panic attack driving home from her house tonight, but I immediatley stopped mysefl somehow. I just started thinking about something else, and eventually I forgot I was starting to have a panic attack! My...(well, I guess we can now call him my "Ex" boyfriend) friend came by tonight to get the rest of his stuff. I got some boxes from the grocery store and packed all his crap in it and left it outside the door. At some point this evening his friend picked it all up. It's kinda sad seeing all of his stuff gone :( I am watching dvd's him and I never watched together before so it's not so hard remembering watching it with him. I can't watch t.v. b/c even the commercials remind me of him. I mean sh*t, we were FINE Friday night, and all of a sudden a tsunami hit our relationship. It happend so fast I feel I have whip lash. I'm back to work for the next five days. i dread it, but at the same time, I need to be there for my sanity, and to obviously make money so I can pay my bills! haha. I also found out today that the sherrif who lives in my apartment complex has the hots for me. lol! It's very flattering, but I am in NO way of starting ANY relationship except friendship. I don't want to disclose my "Boyfriend's" name, so I will call him "Bob" I miss bob very much, and I just want to know he's ok. I'm sure he is. I just worry about him b/c he has anxiety too just like me. He's a big boy right? If I can live life, SO CAN HE! Ughh.. I feel I'm having a conversation with myself here! Lol. On that note..I'm off to bed.

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DATE: Jun 06 2012, 10:58 pm / MOOD: Lonely

Well..today has been a pretty good day for me. I finally fell asleep around 9AM!! :-o I woke up to knocking on my door around 3pm, and immediatly jumped out of bed. It was my boyfriend's co-worker. Apparently he got out of jail. He was there to pick up some of his things. I'm guessing he is staying with somebody. I didn't ask much, and he didn't say much while I packed up his stuff. THere's still quite a bit of stuff left here, but just knowing that some of it is gone gives me a bit of relief. I'm just very cynical today..it seems to be what keeps me sane! I had a small panic attack when I went to Subway for dinner and ate by myself. I was having a pity party for myself b/c I was lonely that I was alone, and usually my boyfriend would be there with me. "Hey Jude" came on the radio while I was eating, and it's kind of a meloncholly soundiing song to me, and I started bawling my eyes out. I was embarrassed, and packed up the sandwhich and left. It helped that I spent some time with my neighbor this evening..but, now that it's getting later and later, andall my friends are heading tobed, and everything is closed, more sad thoughts are coming into my head. I will stay positive. Everytime I about to cry, I yell at myself in my head to STOP. Thisperson doesn't deserve my tears. Anyway..enough with the complaining. I just feel I can vent on here. I'm going to try and relax now. I have some chamomile tea, and a hot bath calling my name.

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DATE: Jun 06 2012, 1:43 am / MOOD: Anxious

So, I can't seem to settle down and stop freaking out. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and like I said in previous blogs, is in jail for assualting me. I'm nervous and scared to death he is going through hard core withdrawls in jail. He is a very sensitive person and I'm also scared someone will take advantage of this. Will they hospitilze him if he is going through hard core withdrawls?

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DATE: Jun 06 2012, 12:09 am / MOOD: Lonely

Well, I caused myself to have 2 panic attacks today. I slept awful last night. I kept rolling over on my side expecting to see my boyfriend, then remembered he wasn't here. I keep stressing out about bills, and how much I miss talking to him. I keep fearing I am going to have a panic attack, so eventually I will cause myself to have one. Everyone around me, including this tribe is super supportive. I wish I could just fast forward my life to when all this b.s. if over with.

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DATE: Jun 04 2012, 5:56 pm / MOOD: Sad

Well...here I am. I'm still alive and kicking. My anxiety has been through the roof the last couple of days. My boyfriend physically hit me Sunday night and morning. I finally grew some balls and called the police. We went to the magistrates office, and the police officer and my boyfriend met me there. (My boyfriend wanted to tell his side of the story) Well, he got arressted on the spot and taken to jail. Idk why I feel so awful and anxious. I had court this morning, and I asked that he has no contact with me. It was SO hard seeing him in handcuffs and a county jail jumpsuit. My boyfriend is an alcoholic/depressed/anxiety disorder. I don't understand why I feel so awful he is rotting in jail unless someone bails him out. I really just wanted him to be escorted out of MY apartment, and leave me the hell alone. I guess I just wish he would change, and we all know he isn't unless he hits rock bottom. Without the alchol, my boyfriend is the sweetest, kindess person. He just doesn't know how to put down the bottle. Yes, I am going for councling not only for anxiety, but now for a victim of assault. If I'm around my friends, I am ok. But, now here I am alone in my apartment, and I can see all of his stuff. THis is when I feel my panic coming on b/c for some God awful reason I feel bad he is in a jail cell.

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DATE: Jun 03 2012, 12:12 am / MOOD: Don't know

Just came home from work about an hour and a half ago. It was a good night! I was very proud of myself:) On the flip side, my boyfriend took the night off, and is now hammered and is yelling, spitting, and throwing stuff. This is NOT what I need right now after being on my feet for 8 hours, and I have to be up in less than 9 hours. I don't want to sound like I'm complaing all the time. :-/ I'm SERIOUSLY thinking about finding a new apartment w/o him. My lease is up June 30th. The only thing that bothers and stresses me out, is that he will throw a HUGE fit, and probably get physical if he see's I'm leaving. Also, he has NOTHING. No furniture, no bed, no t.v....NOTHING! My anxiety and stress level gets up so high when I think of this. I don't want to leave him with nothing, but at the same time, I can't have this stress in my life....

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