Anxiety

DATE: Mar 31 2008, 2:32 pm / MOOD: Happy

Well I only tend to write miserable blogs so this one is definitely different.

I started back work today. I was based at a new hospital and feeling very nervous and anxious as not been there before.

All the drive there I was thinking of all the things that could go wrong which is silly as im at my best when im working. I arrived and had to drag myself across the car park. I walked onto the ward and the terrible feeling of claustrophobia I normally get when im starting to panic hit me. I had to keep on repeating to myself in my head 'if you dont like it you can go home'.

But within 30 mins that feeling had gone and I loved it. Im so pleased with myself. It would have been so easy for me to leave but I feel ive achieved something. Just need this attitude to continue to my leisure time and il be sorted!!!

 

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DATE: Mar 20 2008, 5:55 am / MOOD: Anxious

Woke up this morning feeling really sick, nervous and apprehensive. Its such a mood change from yesterday.

Yesterday I had another appt with my doctor and went there armed with knowledge of what I wanted him to do for me. It was different to my last appt because this time I had researched and knew exactly what I wanted. I left there feeling upbeat with a new prescription (which hopefully does what it says on the tin). That feeling stayed with me all day and I even managed to do some work.

Today that has gone. Its because I know that for the next 7 days I will be mostly alone. All my family have gone on holidays today to stay with an uncle abroad (I cant go as flying phobia). On top of this my boyfriend is working 12hr night shifts so he is either sleeping or working.

I have a feeling of being abandoned which is silly as I am a 28yr woman who lives independently. I just cant shake the sickness feeling and Im scared Im in for a rough 7 days. Only thing keeping me sane is this place to be honest.

I'l shut up now

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DATE: Mar 18 2008, 6:38 am / MOOD: Fearful

Yesterday was the start of my easter hols leave (I'm a student nurse). Im feeling very nervous about the next 2 weeks and how to survive them.

When I'm in work I'm very fortunate in that I dont tend to get anxious or panic. If I do occasionally feel it coming on I can usually control it because I tell myself I have to stay in control in work. Its different at home though or in my free time. Thats when the anxiety starts.

Ive drawn up a plan of things to do like finish my dissertation and sort out my old clothes to bag up for charity etc.. but I know that it will be hard to keep my mind active and the anxiety at bay.

I feel it will be a long 2 weeks with no one else around me as everyone I know will be working.

Im worried

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DATE: Mar 15 2008, 9:25 am / MOOD: Disappointed

Its a Saturday afternoon and the last day of the Rugby Six Nations Cup. Wales are at the top of the leaderboard and only have to beat France today or at least lose by less than 20 points to win the Championship. Its a massive day for the Welsh as a big part of the culture is rugby and drinking!!! Everyone I know will be out from early after a hearty breakfast to soak up the alcohol. All my mates, my boyfriend, my family (even my mum) are out in various places to watch the game. Up until 2 years ago I would have been there with my rugby shirt on and a pint in my hand. Now I cant even face going to the local pub to watch it. I'l be at home watching it on t.v wishing I could fight the anxiety I get from being in a crowd and just go out. I know it sounds a trifling thing to moan about but it matters to me. Next year I will be there as I'm staying positive that I will overcome this again....

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DATE: Mar 10 2008, 12:42 pm / MOOD: Frustrated

Id love to be a millionaire and to have the use of all the top consulatants to sort my head out. Instead I sat infront of a miserable GP this morning after a particularly crappy anxious weekend. I asked for help and better medication. He looked at his watch and would have preferred a patient who he could actually help. 5mins appointment that ended in a "well you are having counselling theres nothing much more I can do". Nightmare

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